Preventing access to social media

Absolutely this and kittens/pets can be hard work and really not fair on the animals. I have to say OP, for someone with cognitive decline, MIL is amazingly resourceful!

Apple phones have a setting called assisted access where you can chose the apps ect that are allowed, even emails ect that can be used and need a code to exit it. I just set it up for my grandma just to simplify the phone use.

I know someone who changed character and became obsessed when elderly. Not scammers but it ended their marriage after 60 years.

She died of a brain tumour very shortly after.

Has she had any scans?

This is so hard.

I have a situation that while not nearly as difficult is worrying anyway.

My 84 year old mother was widowed 4 years ago. She misses her husband very much. She’s active and busy during the day but she finds nights when she’s at home alone lonely.

We’ve found out recently she’s messaging strangers that have made contact through Facebook and other platforms. She swears she knows they’re not real people but she enjoys the interaction with them. Also swears she’d never give them money.

We could never go down the route of restricting her access to the internet or her own money. She’s got all of her faculties except for memory issues.

So we just have to hope for the best and that none of them manage to convince her they are real because she’d probably fall for it. She’s quite vain and loves attention so she’s susceptible to flattery.

She’s secretive about some things that she knows my sister and I won’t approve of, so we might not know until it’s too late.

I’m sorry if this has already been said, but if they own their house, you might want to consider putting a flag on the land registry. Just in case she gets any really big ideas.

www.gov.uk/protect-land-property-from-fraud

Your DFIL may never really get the extent of the impairment. Mine still doesn't, despite MIL being in a carehome and him going to a support group. He left her get very unkempt waiting for her to book things, etc.

This sounds far worse and more like my friend, who was forever falling victim to scams. She ended up with about 27 different insurances on her house and lost a lot of money over the phone. It was like a compulsion, so I definitely have lots of sympathy for you having to deal with this. You end up hypervigilent too, which is exhausting...

My experience of cognitive decline in my family is that it’s not even. My relative was very capable in certain areas whilst losing all reason and capacity in others.

I just avoided a scam attempt the other day, they got ridiculously close to nailing me, after I tweeted a company with a complaint. They are intensely good at what they do, though tbf it clearly doesn’t take much to get one over on me, I was briefly caught up in a romance scam too. Age UK may have more ideas, try their helpline?

How does your FIL feel about his wife (of presumably many years) thinking she is in love with someone else? Does that not on its own suggest some level of cognitive impairment?

Agree dumb phones are the way to go. Preferably pay as you go so she can't run up a huge bill texting internationally. I have seen enough of the scam interceptor type programmes to know that these scammers are never based in the UK, they are all in Ghana/Nigeria or India/Pakistan. The UK authorities like Action Fraud can do bugger all, except report to the local authorities. The police overseas might be doing all they can but as the OP says it's like whack a mole, shut down one operation and the next pops up. All you need to start a fraud like this is a laptop and a couple of phones.

There’s two people in the household, one of whom is cognitively fine, plus involved family who could presumably take the cat if necessary.

Where does DFIL figure into this? Is she openly "having an affair" or so cognitively impaired that she doesn't remember she's married? (Assuming from your posts that they still are together! )

If you give the library her library card number - they should be able to put some block on her account

not all libraries, but many use library card for access to internet

I know an elderly gentleman near us was visiting our local corner shop to send money abroad daily as a result of being scammed, something was put in place which meant the shop had to say no to any more transfers unless his son was there with him to agree it (presumably POA?). I know you’ve spoken to the library already but once POA is in place it might be worth sharing with other places she visits to make it really clear they should not be allowing her to spend money there unless accompanied by a family member.

This sounds so hard and it must also be hard on your FIL that in her mind she is having an affair seemingly very openly even if everyone else knows it’s not real.

You shouldn’t put a kitten in this situation, they can live 15 years.

How cognitively declined is she really if she can set up multiple PayPal and gmail accounts?

I was going to suggest that, too. A nice holiday where you can ensure a complete break and "detox".

Can you go there and put parental controls on the router? Restrict her access at that level?

I was going to suggest talking to the library people but I see you’ve done that.

also dumb phone but you’re on that one too.

good luck. My dad was targeted years ago although not to this level and it’s a nightmare.

I also don't know what it's like shops wise near them - it might be nigh on impossible - but do you know where she's buying the vouchers from? Could you speak to the store managers/ security guards and make them aware that she is vulnerable and being scammed, and ask them not to sell her gift cards? I appreciate this would only work if she lives somewhere with limited shops, and wouldn't work if she's has access to a large town/city.

Much as I massively sympathise with what you’re all going through, please don’t suggest a kitten for someone in cognitive decline. That’s really unfair on the cat.

I see they're hopefully switching to dumb phones too - does she have any access to any devices at home? If so could you log in to the router and block websites through that?

Sounds very cyclical - if I understand this correctly, manages to contact them, sends them gifts, they send new contact details before their accounts are closed, she makes note of these and then next time contacts them on the new account?

I wonder if you could break the cycle by removing her from the situation - maybe taking her away for a week so she cannot access her devices/ the library? Thus giving time for the new accounts to be closed?