At 86 why wouldn’t you take painkillers?

I’m so sorry about your diagnosis Contrary. We are lucky that we have access to these medicines and pain relief aren’t we?

It's really frustrating. My father is the same, won't take them despite being in terrible pain. I wonder if it's linked to religion in some cases at least. Jesus suffered on the cross and so must he. Don't know.

But mother is the same and not religious. I remember coming home one lunchtime from school with what must have been a migraine. Luckily my grandmother was looking after me that day and gave me a paracetamol and it was like magic. I'd never had any before and when I got period pain was told to 'breathe through it'. It's a strange attitude. I have to fight myself over it with my dog as she now needs painkillers but it's so ingrained in me that painkillers are bad that sometimes that can colour my thinking/assessment of her and I have to remind myself regularly that my parents are mad!

I am on or have been on most of those pain meds and have had none of those side effects. Modern medicine means we don't have to suffer the awful pain that previous generations have suffered . I have stage 4 cancer and am eternally grateful for all the drugs we have access to . Time was when many children died from illnesses we have vaccination for or antibiotics for . We are lucky as a generation to have access to life changing medicine and we have a choice of whether to take them or foolishly suffer .

It’s definitely a strange attitude that some people have, resisting painkillers. My Mum is 85, has arthritis, but will rarely take paracetamol. When I was a young teenager I had crippling period pain, had to have time off school for it, but not once did my Mum suggest a paracetamol. It wasn’t until around age 16 when I heard other girls at school saying the took painkillers for period pain that I realised it was an option. Total game-changer for me!

I have RA and started taking biologics in my late 50s, and have been taking them for ten years. I have found them to be truly life changing. They are fairly painless to inject and I have no problem doing it. I also take pain killers - codeine - as I need to do exercises to help my balance and stability as I have had a double knee replacement. However, you learn to deal with potential constipation.

I have RA and painkillers are a very challenging issue.
My stomach has been destroyed by NSAIDS, Oral Methotrexate and prednisilone.
Ordinary paracetamol isn't much help.
I cannot tolerate any kind of opiate due to nightmares and hallucinations.
I did find etoricoxib helpful for a couple of years but I have developed another condition that means I can no longer take it.
I discovered 8 hour slow release paracetamol is actually pretty good, but the tablets are huge and difficult to swallow.
Whatever I take makes me nauseous and the anti nausea tablets make me constipated. So...
It really isn't always just chug the painkillers and everything will be fine.

It does seem an awful way to love and frustrating for you as she is choosing to live like that.

How would you feel about reducing the amount of timex that you answer her calls?

I think this is very sensible advice.

Exactly! You’d think if you were in any sort of extreme pain you’d want to at least try what the doctor gave you. If you won’t even have one of the most basic, over-the-counter painkillers then just suffer in silence.

I would note that a lot of the advice here is 'she doesn't need to worry about long-term side effects because she'll be dead soon anyway since she's 86 and in a care home' - and while I recognise the logic of this, I can see why the MIL is more reluctant to see it like this.

But presumably you took some to discover that? I think OP would be considerably more sympathetic if her MIL took them and found them either ineffective or not worth the side effects and stopped. It's the refusal to try that's hard to manage.

Is your MIL under the care of Rheumatology for her arthritis @genandtonic? I have arthritis and have been on various anti-inflammatory medications over the years, including steroids and methotrexate. I was also prescribed ibuprofen at one point. I’m on biological medication now (Humira etc) and it does a great job at reducing inflammation and pain. Would she listen to her doctor telling her she should take painkillers if she doesn’t listen to you and your DH?

I was prescribed paracetamol after having a c section (which also involved various internal butchery by a registrar that resulted in multiple blood transfusions) and I can promise you that it made not a single iota of difference.

The side effects aren’t necessarily drowsy, floaty ones but could be vomiting, ulcers, constipation leading to impaction, hair loss, eye problems, flatulence, loss of bladder or bowel control, insomnia, nightmares, sweating, dizziness, headaches, palpitations, loss of appetite. Many side effects for medications for RA are very unpleasant. Some are better once a tolerance has been reached, but not all. There are also some that interact with others.

I’ve encountered that mentality, at different ages. No advice on that sorry.

However there is a “Butec” patch that is low dose morphine and is changed once a week.

Instead of taking tablets several times a day. Just a suggestion

Because to be honest the risks are probably not quite as high as the risks from stress caused by constant pain - it’s balance!! When we lived in Denmark they seem to be of the same philosophy - buying any medication off the shelf is nigh on impossible - it’s non branded generic stuff only - we used to stock up in the UK .

My mum is similar. Won't take the stronger stuff as there is a risk of stroke as a side effect. Understandable in a way but if the pain is so debilitating I would think the risk is worth it. That is a personal choice though.

She sounds like my mother who is very much of the put up with it and don't take pain killers unless your leg is hanging off school of thought.

However, she recently had a major operation and the doctor in the hospital was very firm that she absolutely must take her pain killers as scheduled without fail. And she listened to the doctor (because you know, they're a DOCTOR) in a way she does not listen to anyone else. Could you maybe ask the home to organise a medication review for her?

I honestly don't know OP. FIL refused drugs for days and days when he was dying. Very distressing for them and for those watching them suffer.

At 86 none of those things matter.
The only side effects that matter are those that are worse than the pain.
Steroids would probably be helpful rather than RA drugs. And codeine is not particularly useful for RA pain (I have RA) but does make you sleep. prescribed alongside a laxative.

Has a doctor told her to take the painkillers? My mum wouldn’t take notice of anyone apart from a doctor.