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Elderly parents
Original poster

Joint and several POA? What happens when they disagree ?

36 replies

rickyrickygrimes · 08/01/2026 13:37

Inspired by another thread on here, I’d be interested to hear how disagreements between attorneys are resolved when they are equally responsible but can act independently as well?

My sister and I have this arrangement for our parents, and my DH and his sister with their dad. In some ways it’s really practical - DH and I aren’t in the UK, so it means our siblings would be able to make decisions and act quickly if needed. But my sister and I often disagree strongly on lots of things. What happens if we completely disagree on some aspect of our parents care / finance in the future? Is it whoever gets in first ? Whoever has the ear of the other parties like medical / social services? How does it work in practice ?

OP posts:
Original poster
rickyrickygrimes · 08/01/2026 16:33

TeenToTwenties · 08/01/2026 16:29

Ah OK. For me then the person actually doing most of the care morally gets more say.

Im not disagreeing with you btw, DH defers to his sister all the time because she’s ‘On the ground’ for sure and he respects that.

there’s nothing in the POA to back that up though is there ? All attorneys are equal in the legal sense.

OP posts:
TeenToTwenties · 08/01/2026 16:29

Ah OK. For me then the person actually doing most of the care morally gets more say.

Original poster
rickyrickygrimes · 08/01/2026 16:29

Pineneedlesincarpet · 08/01/2026 15:15

If you can't agree you need to go to court.

What is the aim of going to court ? One attorney trying to remove the other?

OP posts:
Original poster
rickyrickygrimes · 08/01/2026 16:28

TeenToTwenties · 08/01/2026 16:24

Who is doing most care right now?
Who organises doctors appointments, sorts cleaners, pays bills, liaises with visiting carers, drops everything if parent needs to go to A&E?

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Neither of us are doing any of it just now - for me it’s theoretical, Which was my question - I’m interested in how other families have dealt with disagreement when it did arise.

OP posts:
TeenToTwenties · 08/01/2026 16:24

rickyrickygrimes · 08/01/2026 16:23

For us my sister lives closer but I am arguably closer to my mum - we’ve spent a lot more time together over the years despite living further apart. So I don’t think it’s just about distance.

Who is doing most care right now?
Who organises doctors appointments, sorts cleaners, pays bills, liaises with visiting carers, drops everything if parent needs to go to A&E?

Original poster
rickyrickygrimes · 08/01/2026 16:23

For us my sister lives closer but I am arguably closer to my mum - we’ve spent a lot more time together over the years despite living further apart. So I don’t think it’s just about distance.

OP posts:
TeenToTwenties · 08/01/2026 16:23

rickyrickygrimes · 08/01/2026 16:19

Even if the geographically nearest sibling is making decisions not in the best interest of the EP?

But maybe on the ground means the sibling most involved in care? I don’t think POA designates a primary and secondary attorney though.

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Yes, I really mean the sibling most involved in care.

I have a friend where the sibling swoops in for a couple of days every 6 months and interferes and criticises without being regularly helpful themselves.

I guess it also depends whether it is objectively not in the best interests or subjective. It is easy to say 'this should be done' but if the old person themselves doesn't want it and the other sibling is siding with the old person....

Original poster
rickyrickygrimes · 08/01/2026 16:19

TeenToTwenties · 08/01/2026 15:14

I think you have to let the sibling 'on the ground' make the decisions if you disagree. You can't reasonably dictate from afar.

Even if the geographically nearest sibling is making decisions not in the best interest of the EP?

But maybe on the ground means the sibling most involved in care? I don’t think POA designates a primary and secondary attorney though.

OP posts:
Pineneedlesincarpet · 08/01/2026 15:15

If you can't agree you need to go to court.

TeenToTwenties · 08/01/2026 15:14

I think you have to let the sibling 'on the ground' make the decisions if you disagree. You can't reasonably dictate from afar.

BlueLegume · 08/01/2026 14:15

TBH the Health and Welfare one is the part that has caused us the most hassle. As siblings we know our mother requires help maybe even residential care but she is deemed to have full capacity so we can’t do anything she “doesn’t want’ despite her actions splintering our relationship irreparably. We disagreed on a situation with our father some years ago too but I was fortunate enough to have the involvement of a supportive HCP who invoked a DoLs which took away our decision making. Thanks for the thread I will follow with interest.