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Elderly parents
Original poster

Male relative late 70s faeces everywhere when using toilet

58 replies

limetrees32 · 03/01/2026 14:11

Undx yet with Alzheimer's or similar.
Using fingers when opening bowels , not wiping effectively or cleaning hands properly.
Poo on door handles ,taps , trousers.
Any advice ?

OP posts:
Original poster
limetrees32 · 04/01/2026 01:24

@Fiftyandme don't hold back on the helpful advice and empathetic comments will you.

OP posts:
Fiftyandme · 03/01/2026 20:45

limetrees32 · 03/01/2026 18:42

My admittedly limited experience of dementia is that some emotion remains .
Perhaps it's too advanced Sad

Emotion isn’t the same as disinhibition.

Original poster
limetrees32 · 03/01/2026 20:13

He may have no oomph to push it out. Soft stool can easily just sit there and the only reason it's not hard is that he is fishing it out.
I actually think this may be the case.
But I'm and apologies for TMI ,I have similar.
I have found taking magnesium as a supplement very helpful.
But he has heart problems and I believe magnesium is contra indicated.

OP posts:
Fingalscave · 03/01/2026 19:30

This was one of the symptoms of my FIL's dementia. He forgot how to do certain everyday things, one was wiping after using the toilet. He would have poo on his hands and it got everywhere.

NotMeNoNo · 03/01/2026 19:22

Also, if it is dementia related, I'm afraid it's unlikely he will learn to use a new type of toilet or system at this stage.

mathanxiety · 03/01/2026 19:18

If it's not constipation, then the introduction of fingers into the rectum might be a sex-related thing, but obviously there's a lack of inhibition around this and the poo everywhere/ lack of proper hygiene afterwards.

Support the partner in whatever she decides. I can't imagine a cleaner to deal with what is effectively a hazmat situation would come cheap.

AnnaMagnani · 03/01/2026 19:15

He may have no oomph to push it out. Soft stool can easily just sit there and the only reason it's not hard is that he is fishing it out.

NotMeNoNo · 03/01/2026 19:15

My mum went through a stage of this as her dementia progressed, not helped by constipation; it is very difficult. (The next stage was permanent incontinence pads).
The "smearing" I think was just her noticing the faeces on her hands and trying ineffectively to wipe it off on sink, towels etc.

Have a good kit of clean up materials available: disinfectant wipes/large wet wipes, bin bags, paper towels/blue roll, spare pants, so any messes can be efficiently cleared up. You can order this from incontinence suppliers. Also keep his nails trimmed very short, if he will let you.

Original poster
limetrees32 · 03/01/2026 19:11

@rightoguvnor I think you're proposal is the most likely to work.
Thank you .

OP posts:
Original poster
limetrees32 · 03/01/2026 19:09

Sadly I dont think it is constipation.
His partner who is up close and personal in her cleaning and clearing up activities says it's soft.

OP posts:
rightoguvnor · 03/01/2026 19:06

Just seen your update. So it sounds as if he is having difficulty actually expelling faeces - this could be a dietary/constipation issue. It should never be that difficult. If you could solve that then the wash/dry toilet might solve the other issues as no need to use toilet paper.

rightoguvnor · 03/01/2026 19:03

In simplest terms, he needs to be supervised whenever in the toilet and receive direction on what not to do. Yes it’ll be great to get a diagnosis in due course but it doesn’t affect what’s happening now, in the house. Aside from the unpleasantness of it he’s putting himself and those around him at risk of illness.
I might consider getting a wash/dry toilet fitted - these are much cheaper than they used to be. Then he just needs to be directed to sit and keep his hands out of the way until the drying cycle is finished.
I cannot see any way past this other than someone being present.

Original poster
limetrees32 · 03/01/2026 19:02

He is visiting independently by public transport..
A GP appointment is awaited, partner had contacted GP requesting referral.
I think the use of fingers is to assist evacuation .
He doesn't use enough toilet paper or deploy it efficiently.
@Stillawake2023 thank you so much , of to look at peopleloo

OP posts:
miamo12 · 03/01/2026 18:59

there’s different forms of dementia and loss of inhibitions is a key part of some forms, memory loss often isn’t the first symptom. In my grandad promiscuity was the earliest sign though we like many people didn’t see the plainly obvious is retrospect

TomatoSandwiches · 03/01/2026 18:54

Is he visiting his friend independently?

Stillawake2023 · 03/01/2026 18:53

I am a carer for my mum and my dad has recently started doing the same type of thing. We think it is a sensory need linked to dementia. You need to speak to the GP. He could also be constipated and not able to communicate how he feels.

the district nurse recommended an app to me called Peopleoo. It’s like a community for carers and I use it to link up with people who can give advice. Might be worth a look. I have found it really supportive.

Carringtoncorby · 03/01/2026 18:51

In what way is he using fingers? As in forgetting to use toilet roll and wiping with his hand?

AnnaMagnani · 03/01/2026 18:50

He needs:

  1. To see his GP to get dementia diagnosis rolling
  2. To see his GP to rule out medical reasons he has started doing this - could be simple such as constipation, could be serious like cancer
  3. A continence assessment from the local Continence Team
  4. Consideration if the coming and going to his partner is still viable and whether he now needs both a carer and a cleaner
OldJohn · 03/01/2026 18:49

NotrialNodeal · 03/01/2026 18:33

A cleaner every few days?! Shouldn't that be after every bowel movement?

Show quote history

I was trying to think how realistically it could be done at a reasonable cost.

Original poster
limetrees32 · 03/01/2026 18:44

He's not constipated nor suffering from diarrhea .
It's the using his fingers that is the problem .
So I guess that's dementia issue.

OP posts:
Original poster
limetrees32 · 03/01/2026 18:42

My admittedly limited experience of dementia is that some emotion remains .
Perhaps it's too advanced Sad

OP posts:
hottentot · 03/01/2026 18:41

Contact the GP and ask for a continence assessment

Perhaps check the NHS webpages

Original poster
limetrees32 · 03/01/2026 18:39

One of the few things that invokes emotion is him thinking that his partner might abandon him .

Needs an urgent dementia assessment and probably to live in a care home
he probably does ,but easier said than done .

OP posts:
LilyFeather · 03/01/2026 18:37

You can’t uunderstand why he isn’t mortified? I mean, could you not take a stab in the dark?!!

unless he’s spent his whole life smearing shit around the place it’s fairly obvious he has dementia

Clutterbug2026 · 03/01/2026 18:37

I wonder if he is constipated.

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