Male relative late 70s faeces everywhere when using toilet

Thanks, i will try those!

what is his own home like? i mean does he do this there or just at the partners house? i know with dementia things change a lot; any inhibitions go out the window so this sounds a typical thing. GP assessment would be first port of call

Yes, i think ask for a comprehensive cognitive assessment and the gp to refer to continence. Gp also needs to look into cause for itchy legs, could be liver disease. I think you also need to refer to adult social care for a needs assessment. You can request this online or ring up. Look for your county council adult social care online.

Someone i know hasnt yet got the diagnosis of dementia (but they have ischaemic brain disease which can lead to vascular dementia), there is loss of inhibition (talking about poo when they never would have, watching a horrifically violent film with sadomasochism and sex scenes - stig larrson 🫣whilst workmen are trying to fix something in the same room), and a loss of known routines (washing hands after toilet with soap) and apathy....... So no real understanding of why something is wrong, no shame, no embarrassment.

I think in this case, the needs assessment by adult social care should confirm that their safety at home is in question, lack of insight into risk to selves and others through smearing of faeces, inability to clean up themselves and their own home i imagine also. So he definitely has care needs. Im sorry this sounds very difficult to cope with. I vomit quite easily with smells and have been known to stuff ripped up boots cucumber face wipes up my nose to try to cope.

In the meantime, the disposable gloves are a good idea. Maybe ice lollies might work or soup, to get more liquids down.

Maybe ask the gp if it woukd be sensible to relax the high fibre diet and switch to low residue diet, just till this issue can be better managed, as this would reduce the amount of times hes needing to poo.

Quite common in dementia and it depends on which part of the brain it is impacting as to whether there is any emotion attached to it.

The reality is, he is at (or very nearly at) care home stage unless one of the family or his partner want to step in. GP and social care team need to be contacted (you can email them) asap.

The low iron could be triggering restless leg syndrome - which could explain the itching feeling.

Such a tricky situation. It does sound like he’s not completely emptying his bowels, phylum husk or soaked chia seeds would probably help.
If he would be accepting it of care maybe bringing in a carer now would be a good idea.
Things I found helpful as a carer. Lots of supplies in the bathroom, wipes, Disposable wash cloths. Nappy sacks, You can also get dissolvable washing bags to bag up faeces covered clothes that you can seal and pop straight in the washing machine. Carers would bring their own gloves and aprons but it would be useful to have spares.
Also plenty of easy to use cleaning supplies.
I don’t think many cleaners would clean up faeces. You would need a carer.

Even if it’s a carer popping in once a day or even every other day would take the pressure off.

Plenty of easy to wash clothes would help too, that wash and dry quickly.

Has he had bloods taken by the GP? The itchy legs could indicate a vitamin deficiency so it seems worth asking for bloods just to rule this out.

Sorry, not meaning to disagree with slugsinthegarden - I was just slow at typing. Yes, overflow is also a possibility.

Could he be persuaded to wear disposable gloves that go straight into a bin beside the loo after use? I know it’s highly unlikely he would cooperate but would at least help with the mess until a proper solution is found.

It's not necessarily that it is constipation. As AnnaMagnani suggests, his muscles might not be working so well.
I think ispaghula husk can be used to treat diarrhoea as well as constipation, and give something for his bowels to push along. Definitely check that with a medical professional though.

Drinking more water will be important, but good luck with that!

Trust me. He is constipated. There can be a hardened poo blockage higher up that allow some "new" soft poo to get through. Often these blockages interfere with the evacuation muscles and the situation gets compounded. He needs the GP or a massive Movicol dose to clear it. (Speaking from experience of late DF who also had dementia).

Micro absences like TIAs (often called "mini strokes")? There is a type of dementia caused by the brain being damaged by strokes. Hopefully the doctors can give good advice.

It does sound like supervision and prompting with using the toilet is going to be necessary. But the continence team might have some good ideas. Even something like positioning (having his feet up so he can push faeces out rather than manually evacuating) or taking a bulking agent. They will have seen this many times before and may have found strategies we wouldn't think of.

Agree. Op as awful as it is, you are thinking of ways to stop it, I think you need to move to managing it perhaps? My MIL still had emotions, they don't get immediately switched off but some of that emotion was her taking a swing at her son whilst he was doing some personal care as she was presumably scared and didn't know who he was.

It's also not linear the old dementia so some areas he may seem to be holding up well but others not.

This is all very difficult and I really sympathise. My father had dementia. He was eventually living in residential care. When living at home hygiene became a problem early on (not changing his clothes, underwear covered in brown marks and so on). Later his confusion included inappropriate use of the toilet - he would put the stool in his pocket rather than flush or bring it back into his room and put it in the bedroom bin. I dont have an answer but I am saying its more likely confusion - dementia and not constipation. We all just worked to ensure he was clean, we couldnt change his behaviour.

His continence per se doesn't seem the issue. He's going to the loo, but just forgoing either toilet paper or handwashing. Which is a symptom of his cognitive decline. As obviously it's not normal to be unbothered by touching and smearing poo. And unable to clean up.

He needs a dementia assessment and adult social care assessment.