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Elderly parents

How do you manage expectations

52 replies

Barney16 · 31/12/2025 11:36

Expectations from elderly parents I mean. I live three hours away from them and I work full time. Over the last year my parents have become sicker and their expectations have massively ramped up. At the moment I visit twice a month for about two or three days. They have said they wished I lived nearer and perhaps I could give up work. To be clear they have lots of support from family who live close to them, they drive, do activities, go out most days. I am their only child. I'm finding the stress of this very difficult to manage. After I visit I'm always poorly, when I leave to go home my mum cries. I was there before Christmas and Christmas eve and am there again now, oh one of them said, such a brief visit. Any suggestions, particularly about lowering my stress levels?

OP posts:
EmotionalBlackmail · 31/12/2025 11:42

I’m still not totally there but I have got past some of the guilt. Mine would love it if I moved in, wasn’t working and was available 24/7 to her.

That is never going to happen because I have a full time job to pay the mortgage, a child at primary school and a life somewhere else.

Others on here encouraged me to set boundaries and be realistic about what I can do. I see mine 3-4 times per year and I have resisted all attempts to increase this.

At some point there will be a crisis. The last time there was, I wasn’t well enough to travel so couldn’t do anything. The hospital and local friends dealt with it all.

ShesTheAlbatross · 31/12/2025 11:39

They have said perhaps I could give up working

Are they quite mad? Just so you can visit more?

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