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Elderly parents
Original poster

FIL caught drink driving

262 replies

CrazyGoatLady · 27/12/2025 14:28

FIL (73) drove home from the pub on Christmas Eve, got pulled over for speeding and was over the limit. Said he'd barely had anything to drink, but his brother said he had 6 pints over around 4hrs so he must have been well over. It was about a 5 mile drive home, but on a stretch of A road that often has patrols on it. Fool!

We've had rows over it before and I've said if he ever did it with DC in the car I'd shop him myself. Nobody else was with him on this occasion.

FIL now wants us to help him pay for a good solicitor as he is going to opt for court to try and avoid a ban, as GMIL is very elderly, losing it a bit, and FIL is very involved with her care, he drives over to her house most days. I do not want to give him a penny, as he's been drink driving for years and I hate his attitude, nanny state, they just want your money, I'm a careful driver, it's fine, blah blah. DH is angry with him, but wavering for GMIL's sake.

If DH wants to help I can't stop him, but I don't want him using our joint/family funds to help him weasel his way out, and I feel like he should have thought of his elderly mother before getting in the car after 6 pints. Am I being mean here?

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 27/12/2025 16:11

Your Dh wants a man who thinks he’s fine to drive after 6 pints caring for his grandmother?

Why?

ChristmasMantleStatue · 27/12/2025 16:10

I wrote an online report saying that he was seen drink driving, with the dates and that he had a medical diagnosis of macular degeneration as well as a recent history of strokes. He was also 96 at the time.

Okay?:

MikeRafone · 27/12/2025 16:09

MissMoneyFairy · 27/12/2025 14:34

Don't give him a penny, he shouldn't be driving, he can buy s bike instead.

An electric bike would be cheaper than his car insurance after his ban is up

Itsmetheflamingo · 27/12/2025 16:08

ChristmasMantleStatue · 27/12/2025 16:02

No indeed, but it meant his licence got taken away again. I don't know about police response times where you are, but it wasn't going to lead to anything immediately either.

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But you can’t take someone’s license away for an allegation of drunk driving, they need to be caught driving and a sample taken?

fatphalange · 27/12/2025 16:06

I’d rather set fire to the money than waste it on this arrogant sod. Same outcome either way.
Tell him to download Uber.

MikeRafone · 27/12/2025 16:06

Better off spend the money ( for solicitor) on weekly uber to GMIL house for her care

GinaandGin · 27/12/2025 16:06

Summertimesadnessishere · 27/12/2025 15:45

I agree with this. You all have a moral responsibility to other road users to report him and tell him with no hesitation he is putting other peoples lives in danger. By doing nothing you standing back and literally waiting for an accident to happen. I feel sorry for the people reading this who know first hand the misery these people cause by taking no responsibility whatsoever. In my view anyone that drives under the influence of alcohol or drugs should have more than a ban. If they hit any other vehical it should be attempted murder as you knowingly set out to do this. It’s not even a worry for these people. That has to change. I hope he gets the consequences. If my hb was supporting behaviour that encourages drink driving I’d really struggle to be any part of being with him- it crosses such a big line.

Edited
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Well said
People need to speak up and report

Zanatdy · 27/12/2025 16:04

Absolutely no way i’d give him a penny of my money. 6 pints? He is lucky he didn’t kill someone and facing the rest of his days in prison. He will get banned and other people will end up caring for his mother.

GinaandGin · 27/12/2025 16:04

Statiscally you are most likely to get into an accident a mile from your house
Most police vehicles have anpr so it may be a long shot that they get caught but it slightly increases the chances

ChristmasMantleStatue · 27/12/2025 16:02

Itsmetheflamingo · 27/12/2025 15:58

?? How does that work, surely reporting it online doesn’t lead to a fast enough response to arrest someone who is currently driving under a mile? Ie 10 minutes worth of driving

Show quote history

No indeed, but it meant his licence got taken away again. I don't know about police response times where you are, but it wasn't going to lead to anything immediately either.

GinaandGin · 27/12/2025 16:01

Itsmetheflamingo · 27/12/2025 15:58

?? How does that work, surely reporting it online doesn’t lead to a fast enough response to arrest someone who is currently driving under a mile? Ie 10 minutes worth of driving

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Statiscally you are most likely to get into an accident a mile from your house

PlateyKatey · 27/12/2025 16:01

I wouldn’t be supporting him.
I know several people who have got out of a ban though, so it’s not guaranteed he wouldn’t overturn it in court.

GinaandGin · 27/12/2025 16:00

Only2daystogo · 27/12/2025 15:25

What is FAFO? I think I’ve seen it twice on this thread?

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Fu*k around and find out

Tdcp · 27/12/2025 16:00

My brother's friend was killed by a drunk driver. It was a back road in the middle of nowhere (between villages) she was walking home as she missed the last bus. He mounted the kerb and killed her. You're not mean or unreasonable and regardless of solicitors he'll get a 12 month ban anyway.

Sharpzebra · 27/12/2025 15:58

No excuse to be honest for drink drivers he should be banned

Itsmetheflamingo · 27/12/2025 15:58

ChristmasMantleStatue · 27/12/2025 15:56

We know someone who is in his late 90s and who has a couple of mild strokes. His vision is impaired as is his driving. He got his licence back after his GP asked him if he felt able to drive.

I shopped him the second i saw him drink 3 glasses of red and drive home from the pub. The distance was well under a mile, but seeing him go down the wrong way of a one way street.... you can do it anonymously online.

Show quote history

?? How does that work, surely reporting it online doesn’t lead to a fast enough response to arrest someone who is currently driving under a mile? Ie 10 minutes worth of driving

ChristmasMantleStatue · 27/12/2025 15:56

JackJarvisEsq · 27/12/2025 15:51

I blocked my own FIL in who tried to drink drive although I suspect he’d done it before. He’d certainly had a ban in the 80s for it and I can’t imagine he refrained between 1983 and 2021.

i then shopped him for driving with impaired sight after a head injury. He wants his licence back but luckily can’t actually see well enough to do the paperwork.

He hates me for it but fk it I’d rather that than him being on the road

We know someone who is in his late 90s and who has a couple of mild strokes. His vision is impaired as is his driving. He got his licence back after his GP asked him if he felt able to drive.

I shopped him the second i saw him drink 3 glasses of red and drive home from the pub. The distance was well under a mile, but seeing him go down the wrong way of a one way street.... you can do it anonymously online.

ThePoshUns · 27/12/2025 15:56

He’s wasting his time fighting it. Don’t give him a penny. I can’t stand drink drivers.

RedFrogs · 27/12/2025 15:54

I wouldn’t even consider wasting money on this. Stupid man could have killed someone. He can sell his car and use that money for taxis to GMIL.

YellowCherry · 27/12/2025 15:54

Drink driving is an automatic ban so there's no point spending money to try and get out of it.

JackJarvisEsq · 27/12/2025 15:51

I blocked my own FIL in who tried to drink drive although I suspect he’d done it before. He’d certainly had a ban in the 80s for it and I can’t imagine he refrained between 1983 and 2021.

i then shopped him for driving with impaired sight after a head injury. He wants his licence back but luckily can’t actually see well enough to do the paperwork.

He hates me for it but fk it I’d rather that than him being on the road

EchoesOfOurDreams · 27/12/2025 15:50

Only2daystogo · 27/12/2025 15:25

What is FAFO? I think I’ve seen it twice on this thread?

Show quote history

Fuck(ed) Around and Found Out

shuggles · 27/12/2025 15:49

@CrazyGoatLady FIL now wants us to help him pay for a good solicitor

Why can he not pay for one himself?

godmum56 · 27/12/2025 15:48

Tell your DH that even a penny of your family funds will go to protect a drink driver only over his dead body and the whole of MN will help to dig the hole under the patio and provide an alibi.

SnakesandKnives · 27/12/2025 15:47

Sweetpea333 · 27/12/2025 15:42

Arsehole

Too soft. Absolute fucking arsehole

you should shop him every time. Not just if he has Your kids in the car. Fucking disgrace of a man.

someone suggested a taxi account for GMIL - much much better plan than bailing out this utterly selfish wanker

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