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Elderly parents
Original poster

FIL caught drink driving

262 replies

CrazyGoatLady · 27/12/2025 14:28

FIL (73) drove home from the pub on Christmas Eve, got pulled over for speeding and was over the limit. Said he'd barely had anything to drink, but his brother said he had 6 pints over around 4hrs so he must have been well over. It was about a 5 mile drive home, but on a stretch of A road that often has patrols on it. Fool!

We've had rows over it before and I've said if he ever did it with DC in the car I'd shop him myself. Nobody else was with him on this occasion.

FIL now wants us to help him pay for a good solicitor as he is going to opt for court to try and avoid a ban, as GMIL is very elderly, losing it a bit, and FIL is very involved with her care, he drives over to her house most days. I do not want to give him a penny, as he's been drink driving for years and I hate his attitude, nanny state, they just want your money, I'm a careful driver, it's fine, blah blah. DH is angry with him, but wavering for GMIL's sake.

If DH wants to help I can't stop him, but I don't want him using our joint/family funds to help him weasel his way out, and I feel like he should have thought of his elderly mother before getting in the car after 6 pints. Am I being mean here?

OP posts:
WakeUpchangeChannelSleeeeeep · 27/12/2025 16:38

If my DH spent a penny piece on defending this utter cunt, I would leave that night.

Littlejellyuk · 27/12/2025 16:37

Your FIL is a massive selfish DICKHEAD.
He is lucky he didn't injure someone.
But he wants to argue the toss and have you guys help fund the cost of a solicitor? Why? So his ego feels better after he KNEW he shouldn't drink drive? 😠 😡 😤
Does he ever admit fault, or is someone else always to blame? Disgraceful.

Tell him to fuck off and don't give him a penny. 🖕
As for your DH, he needs back off from his selfish dad and instead support YOU in not giving funds to that drunk driver.
Thank god he was caught. @CrazyGoatLady

Bones101 · 27/12/2025 16:31

He sounds like an alcoholic. Don't let your kids be alone with him.

HardworkSendHelp · 27/12/2025 16:30

Do not waste your money. It is a strict liability offence - in that there is no defence. He will get a driving ban. Keep the money for taxis

Letmehaveabloodyusernameplease · 27/12/2025 16:30

I'm glad he got caught, it serves him right. I hope they throw the book at him.

BarLines · 27/12/2025 16:29

BarLines · 27/12/2025 16:23

Perhaps he could appeal to the judge on the basis that he didn’t have your DC in the car OP so it’s not so serious 🙄 I mean obviously he could have killed someone else’s children, but not yours so it’s not so bad is it?

Please ignore my post. Cross posted with your explanation OP but can’t edit.

Homegrownberries · 27/12/2025 16:29

"I've said if he ever did it with DC in the car I'd shop him myself."

He should never have the chance. They should never be in the car with him. I hope he loses his licence.

Alpacajigsaw · 27/12/2025 16:28

Not being mean and if looking after GMIL is that important to him he should have thought about that before he drink and drove. I hope that no matter what mitigation he puts forward he loses his licence, elderly GMIL or not.

StillFeelingTired · 27/12/2025 16:27

Itsmetheflamingo · 27/12/2025 16:14

So you didn’t really shop him for drink driving. He was judged to not be a competent driver likely for medical reasons following your report. Good for you, but it’s nothing like stopping drunk driving is it?

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What a strange response.

Starlight7080 · 27/12/2025 16:25

Dont get involved. He needs to lose his licence.
Awful man . Far to many people are killed by drunk drivers. He is a selfish stupid person.

VioletandMauve · 27/12/2025 16:24

Years ago my dad ended up in hospital 2 days before Christmas and stayed there for 3 months due to a drink driver crashing into the side of his car. Do not give him a penny otherwise you are aiding and abetting him.

Ocelotfeet27 · 27/12/2025 16:24

YANBU, DH is. FIL has made this mess, he will have to deal with it himself and pay for taxis to GMILs, or whatever is necessary. I would say I hope this teaches him a lesson but sounds unlikely...

WittyTaupeFox · 27/12/2025 16:23

the law is very clear on drink driving. If he wants to mount a defence it should be at his own cost.

I think your silence to him would speak volumes and your husband if he advocates for him needs to have a good hard look at his moral compass.

no excuse ever for drink driving

BarLines · 27/12/2025 16:23

Perhaps he could appeal to the judge on the basis that he didn’t have your DC in the car OP so it’s not so serious 🙄 I mean obviously he could have killed someone else’s children, but not yours so it’s not so bad is it?

Original poster
CrazyGoatLady · 27/12/2025 16:22

Snowdropskeepfalling · 27/12/2025 14:45

You've had rows over it before? So he regularly drives under the Influence but no-one thought to report him because your kids weren't in the car? So no thought for kids travelling in another car that he could have killed. .I don't care who they are, I'd report my own dad if he ever did that. Shame on you all for turning a blind eye to it previously.

I did talk to the police previously - nothing they could do unless they caught him in the act. If I'd had the ability to know exactly when he was driving home from the pub to have him caught, I would have. But he never did it when we were around, because he knew I'd have reported him. We live a 4hr drive from the PIL, so not like we can pop round on a Friday night and see if his car's there or not.

OP posts:
Original poster
CrazyGoatLady · 27/12/2025 16:18

RunningJo · 27/12/2025 14:42

Not a chance I’d be giving him a penny. I lost a family member due to a drunk driver so have even less sympathy (if that’s possible) the average person.
He deserves a ban, if he wants to throw how own money into a pointless defence, let him, but it would be a cold day in hell before I gave him a penny from mine.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I just don't understand why people would risk it when the consequences can be so dire.

OP posts:
ChristmasMantleStatue · 27/12/2025 16:15

Itsmetheflamingo · 27/12/2025 16:14

So you didn’t really shop him for drink driving. He was judged to not be a competent driver likely for medical reasons following your report. Good for you, but it’s nothing like stopping drunk driving is it?

Show quote history

That;s correct and yes, good for me for bringing it to the attention of those who could make the call.

Imlyingandthatsthetruth · 27/12/2025 16:15

"...It was about a 5 mile drive home, but on a stretch of A road that often has patrols on it..." I don't know what you are trying to say here. If he'd gone on a different road it would have been okay? FFS! Anyway, your DH is veering towards contributing money to this lost (in every sense) cause? Just why?

countingdowntotheholidays · 27/12/2025 16:14

He deserves punishment for his actions.He deserves no sympathy or financial help.

Itsmetheflamingo · 27/12/2025 16:14

ChristmasMantleStatue · 27/12/2025 16:10

I wrote an online report saying that he was seen drink driving, with the dates and that he had a medical diagnosis of macular degeneration as well as a recent history of strokes. He was also 96 at the time.

Okay?:

So you didn’t really shop him for drink driving. He was judged to not be a competent driver likely for medical reasons following your report. Good for you, but it’s nothing like stopping drunk driving is it?

EraOfTheGrey · 27/12/2025 16:14

It's a type of arrogance that tells him that he is unimpaired. If alcohol doesn't affect you then no-one would drink it.
My brother was 12 when a drink driver mounted the pavement my brother was on and blasted him through the air. The drunk driver had no lights on his car so my brother didn't see him. My brother has been left with permanent brain damage.
Encourage him to defend himself because if he isn't remorseful then there's a hope that his ban is significantly longer. If I had my way then he would be locked up and his car crushed.

NewWinger · 27/12/2025 16:12

Magistrates have to disqualify drink-drivers. There is some leeway regarding the length of the ban, but they have zero authority not to ban. He will be disqualified, regardless of what any solicitor might say. He should save his money and stop asking you for help.

Vaxtable · 27/12/2025 16:12

YANBU. I would not be sending a penny and I would also expect your DH to say the same, and if he didn’t there would be a big row. FIL needs to accept the consequences of his actions, this obviously is not the first time and each time he does it he gets into a lethal weapon that kills. What would you dh feel if his father killed someone because he lent him money to get off? He would be just as culpable as his father

as to GMIL sorry FIL gets taxis or whatever and is inconvenienced

RenovationNightmare · 27/12/2025 16:12

I think that you should have reported him a long time ago, and I think you are unreasonable to only care about your children being in the car with him. What about other innocent drivers on the road or pedestrians?
Others could have been seriously injured. How would you feel if a drunk driver killed your family member and the drunk drivers family knew that they had driven drunk repeatedly and simply banned the driver from carrying their children.

ChristmasMantleStatue · 27/12/2025 16:12

I will also add. My job was to make the report. The job of the DVLA and anyone else was to investigate it and act, should they consider that to be appropriate.

I would always, but always, suggest that anyone who thinks there is an issue to report without fear or favour. That is why the anonymous reporting system exists.