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Elderly parents
Original poster

FIL caught drink driving

262 replies

CrazyGoatLady · 27/12/2025 14:28

FIL (73) drove home from the pub on Christmas Eve, got pulled over for speeding and was over the limit. Said he'd barely had anything to drink, but his brother said he had 6 pints over around 4hrs so he must have been well over. It was about a 5 mile drive home, but on a stretch of A road that often has patrols on it. Fool!

We've had rows over it before and I've said if he ever did it with DC in the car I'd shop him myself. Nobody else was with him on this occasion.

FIL now wants us to help him pay for a good solicitor as he is going to opt for court to try and avoid a ban, as GMIL is very elderly, losing it a bit, and FIL is very involved with her care, he drives over to her house most days. I do not want to give him a penny, as he's been drink driving for years and I hate his attitude, nanny state, they just want your money, I'm a careful driver, it's fine, blah blah. DH is angry with him, but wavering for GMIL's sake.

If DH wants to help I can't stop him, but I don't want him using our joint/family funds to help him weasel his way out, and I feel like he should have thought of his elderly mother before getting in the car after 6 pints. Am I being mean here?

OP posts:
PodMom · 27/12/2025 20:01

Honestly saying he needs to drive to his mother won’t make a difference. I used to work with a single mum who got done for drink driving, she lost her job because of losing her licence. Quite rightly . It makes no difference.

BarLines · 27/12/2025 19:57

CrazyGoatLady · 27/12/2025 19:11

You know perfectly well that's not what I was saying. God, people can be dicks on here sometimes.

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Please see my post at 16.29 where I have asked you to ignore this post

EchoesOfOurDreams · 27/12/2025 19:55

CrazyGoatLady · 27/12/2025 19:38

He isn't a full blown alcoholic, but definitely a heavy drinker. He's also very stingy with money, so would rather put people at risk on the road than pay for taxis.

He's not got a hope in hell of DH paying anything to help him now, as DH has been on the phone with him while I was out picking DS1 up from work. DH said he's clearly had a few drinks and says he's going to drive home later, but he'll be fine by then apparently...he won't learn, he'll do it again. DH hung up on him. Stupid man.

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Report this to the police. The fucking idiot needs to be arrested before he kills someone tbh.

SleafordSods · 27/12/2025 19:48

CrazyGoatLady · 27/12/2025 19:42

I have my own bank and savings account, as does DH. We also have joint ones. And no, I don't want to pay for other people's fuck ups. I've literally just said to DS1 while I was giving him a lift home from work, when you start driving don't even think about chancing it, as I won't be bailing you out either! We're in Scotland, the limit is even lower here than in England.

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If you’re in Scotland you’re probably aware that they can take his car as part of sentencing.

Ophy83 · 27/12/2025 19:44

He'll get some sort of ban, which could be reduced if he does a drink drive course. He could also get a fine.

https://sentencingcouncil.org.uk/resources/common-offences/drink-driving/

Drink driving

https://sentencingcouncil.org.uk/resources/common-offences/drink-driving

Original poster
CrazyGoatLady · 27/12/2025 19:42

suburberphobe · 27/12/2025 19:26

Get your own bank account OP

I presume you do not want to pay for other people's fuck ups?

I have my own bank and savings account, as does DH. We also have joint ones. And no, I don't want to pay for other people's fuck ups. I've literally just said to DS1 while I was giving him a lift home from work, when you start driving don't even think about chancing it, as I won't be bailing you out either! We're in Scotland, the limit is even lower here than in England.

OP posts:
BandedSnail · 27/12/2025 19:39

CrazyGoatLady · 27/12/2025 19:38

He isn't a full blown alcoholic, but definitely a heavy drinker. He's also very stingy with money, so would rather put people at risk on the road than pay for taxis.

He's not got a hope in hell of DH paying anything to help him now, as DH has been on the phone with him while I was out picking DS1 up from work. DH said he's clearly had a few drinks and says he's going to drive home later, but he'll be fine by then apparently...he won't learn, he'll do it again. DH hung up on him. Stupid man.

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Your husband needs to tell that to the police.

Volpini · 27/12/2025 19:38

CrazyGoatLady · 27/12/2025 14:28

FIL (73) drove home from the pub on Christmas Eve, got pulled over for speeding and was over the limit. Said he'd barely had anything to drink, but his brother said he had 6 pints over around 4hrs so he must have been well over. It was about a 5 mile drive home, but on a stretch of A road that often has patrols on it. Fool!

We've had rows over it before and I've said if he ever did it with DC in the car I'd shop him myself. Nobody else was with him on this occasion.

FIL now wants us to help him pay for a good solicitor as he is going to opt for court to try and avoid a ban, as GMIL is very elderly, losing it a bit, and FIL is very involved with her care, he drives over to her house most days. I do not want to give him a penny, as he's been drink driving for years and I hate his attitude, nanny state, they just want your money, I'm a careful driver, it's fine, blah blah. DH is angry with him, but wavering for GMIL's sake.

If DH wants to help I can't stop him, but I don't want him using our joint/family funds to help him weasel his way out, and I feel like he should have thought of his elderly mother before getting in the car after 6 pints. Am I being mean here?

Sorry you’re in this position.
But FIL has done this to himself. If he cared about his mother he’d have forgone the 6 pints or got a taxi. He chose this outcome with his own choices.
It’s good he’s been caught: he’s spared you all much more heartache if he’d killed himself or killed someone else with his selfish, thoughtless, careless and arrogant behaviour.

Original poster
CrazyGoatLady · 27/12/2025 19:38

User8008135 · 27/12/2025 17:49

Where will your dh stop if he does support him here? Sounds like FIL is an alcoholic who'll get straight back to doing it again. Is dh prepared to keep doing this?

Your FIL needs banning at the least.

If he's banned, do you think he'll drive anyway? Sadly, with what you've said he sounds like the type....

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He isn't a full blown alcoholic, but definitely a heavy drinker. He's also very stingy with money, so would rather put people at risk on the road than pay for taxis.

He's not got a hope in hell of DH paying anything to help him now, as DH has been on the phone with him while I was out picking DS1 up from work. DH said he's clearly had a few drinks and says he's going to drive home later, but he'll be fine by then apparently...he won't learn, he'll do it again. DH hung up on him. Stupid man.

OP posts:
Itsmetheflamingo · 27/12/2025 19:36

SerendipityJane · 27/12/2025 18:09

I wasn't saying he shouldn't have legal representation.

What I am saying is why should my premiums have to include pieces of shit like this trying to escape the consequences of their actions ?

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People always say to check your home insurance but I strongly suspect it does not include cover for criminal cases

even when it does cover cases, the test for cover is very high (i have experience of employment tribunal which is sometimes covered but the reality was only if the panel judged the odds to be 85% + in policy holder favour )

Itsmetheflamingo · 27/12/2025 19:32

SerendipityJane · 27/12/2025 16:48

Not sure why he's worried about the outcome of a court case, as I can guarantee he'll be back driving whatever.

I think you’re right

Itsmetheflamingo · 27/12/2025 19:28

GinaandGin · 27/12/2025 16:01

Statiscally you are most likely to get into an accident a mile from your house

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Wasn’t really the point though - PP hadn’t reported to the police, instead of calling 999 where a car could potentially be allocated to stop him or visit him at his home and breathalyse him she filled out an online form for DVLa to consider during office hours

suburberphobe · 27/12/2025 19:26

Get your own bank account OP

I presume you do not want to pay for other people's fuck ups?

Sweetpea333 · 27/12/2025 19:25

I despise drink drivers. 6 pints is a huge amount. Cunt

grumpygrape · 27/12/2025 19:19

CrazyGoatLady · 27/12/2025 19:15

Well, the standard of care being provided for DGMIL due to his tightwaddery is a separate issue. He's an extremely stubborn man who won't take on anybody else's point of view, and sails close to the wind with a lot of things. It's getting worse as he ages.

Anyway, I am having some success persuading DH that we would be better off helping fund more home care for DGMIL than letting FIL have it.

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As a PP has said, Drink Driving is what is known as a ‘strict liability’ issue. If you’re over the limit you get banned. There are a very few cases where a defence can be mounted but I doubt they would apply in your FIL’s case from what you have said. An aged and infirm relative will not make a ha'p'orth of difference and is not one of the very few cases.

Employing a lawyer would be a waste of money, in my view, and better spent on taxis (or as you have indicated, on care for your DGMIL). As the ban would likely be for at least 9 months (with the reduction if offer a DD Course) then he could sell his car, claim back tax and unused insurance and use taxis. He’d be well advised to get used to buses and taxis because his insurance, if he gets another car, at the end of his ban will go through the roof and the money might be better spent on public transport.

If he is in danger of a custodial sentence (he can check with the Legal Adviser at Court), he can ask to be represented in Court by a Duty Solicitor.

Apologies if I sound less than sympathetic but like you and many others here I take a very dim view of drink drivers.

Original poster
CrazyGoatLady · 27/12/2025 19:15

Mrsclausemunchingonamincepie · 27/12/2025 18:46

Not sure a piss head should be in charge of a vulnerable old lady.

Well, the standard of care being provided for DGMIL due to his tightwaddery is a separate issue. He's an extremely stubborn man who won't take on anybody else's point of view, and sails close to the wind with a lot of things. It's getting worse as he ages.

Anyway, I am having some success persuading DH that we would be better off helping fund more home care for DGMIL than letting FIL have it.

OP posts:
Original poster
CrazyGoatLady · 27/12/2025 19:11

BarLines · 27/12/2025 16:23

Perhaps he could appeal to the judge on the basis that he didn’t have your DC in the car OP so it’s not so serious 🙄 I mean obviously he could have killed someone else’s children, but not yours so it’s not so bad is it?

You know perfectly well that's not what I was saying. God, people can be dicks on here sometimes.

OP posts:
Imlyingandthatsthetruth · 27/12/2025 19:06

"...Being neurotic over your speed has caused more accidents than it's ever prevented" Source?

YorkshireGoldDrinker · 27/12/2025 18:47

He's right in that it is a nanny state. Being neurotic over your speed has caused more accidents than it's ever prevented. But he's dead wrong with the drink-driving, he should have the book thrown at him for that and hopefully that's what happens in court, the idiot. No disrespect to your FIL.

Mrsclausemunchingonamincepie · 27/12/2025 18:46

Not sure a piss head should be in charge of a vulnerable old lady.

HomeTheatreSystem · 27/12/2025 18:42

If the care of his mum was so important to him then why would he put his licence at risk by DD? It's his fault and the consequences will be felt by them both, sadly. Absolutely do not give him any money to defend his case as it is pointless. He'll have to make do with working out bus routes so he can get to his mum's. What a dickhead.

ThisCyanPoet · 27/12/2025 18:26

He has no hope of fighting this regardless of his circumstances. He didnit and his test is irrefutable evidence that he will not get a not guilty verdict against. All he will achieve is a longer ban for trying to fight it.

Gilead · 27/12/2025 18:25

My bestie as a young teen ended up paralysed from the waist down due to a selfish arsehole like your father in law. He should know better.

SerendipityJane · 27/12/2025 18:09

Headstarttohappiness · 27/12/2025 18:00

He is innocent until proven guilty. MN is not a court!!
Everyone deserves legal representation if we are to call ourselves a civilised society. Everyone.
Having said that I hope he gets a long ban. Your DH needs to have a word with himself. Would he be feeling so conflicted if another person had been injured or worse? Good luck OP please stand your ground- I wouldn’t be giving a bloody inch on this one - this is social responsibility for public safety.

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I wasn't saying he shouldn't have legal representation.

What I am saying is why should my premiums have to include pieces of shit like this trying to escape the consequences of their actions ?

merrychristmasbaby · 27/12/2025 18:08

Your FIL won’t avoid a ban , it’s mandatory for drink driving so he’ll be wasting his money on a solicitor. He’s getting confused with an exceptional hardship plea for totting up points
As for needing his licence to drive his DMIL about, he should have thought about that before he went behind a wheel pissed . No sympathy