Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Elderly parents
Original poster

FIL caught drink driving

262 replies

CrazyGoatLady · 27/12/2025 14:28

FIL (73) drove home from the pub on Christmas Eve, got pulled over for speeding and was over the limit. Said he'd barely had anything to drink, but his brother said he had 6 pints over around 4hrs so he must have been well over. It was about a 5 mile drive home, but on a stretch of A road that often has patrols on it. Fool!

We've had rows over it before and I've said if he ever did it with DC in the car I'd shop him myself. Nobody else was with him on this occasion.

FIL now wants us to help him pay for a good solicitor as he is going to opt for court to try and avoid a ban, as GMIL is very elderly, losing it a bit, and FIL is very involved with her care, he drives over to her house most days. I do not want to give him a penny, as he's been drink driving for years and I hate his attitude, nanny state, they just want your money, I'm a careful driver, it's fine, blah blah. DH is angry with him, but wavering for GMIL's sake.

If DH wants to help I can't stop him, but I don't want him using our joint/family funds to help him weasel his way out, and I feel like he should have thought of his elderly mother before getting in the car after 6 pints. Am I being mean here?

OP posts:
SerendipityJane · 28/12/2025 10:10

BigAnne · 28/12/2025 09:26

Yes but the person who posted was complicit as they managed the bar knowing the guy would be driving home.

Show quote history

Indeed.

But the news - or even social media 😄- are hardly awash with stories of people being prosecuted for it. To the extent that it may as well not be a law at all.

Also, i am a little sceptical of attempts to shift the blame and to absolve people of their own shitty decisions.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 28/12/2025 09:27

ThisOldThang · 27/12/2025 14:38

Drink driving is an automatic ban. It isn't like speeding where you can claim 'disproportionate hardship'.

Tell him to go to court and plead guilty. It's the cheapest option and showing contrition may result in a shorter ban - e.g. 12 months instead of 24 months.

This.

BigAnne · 28/12/2025 09:26

SerendipityJane · 28/12/2025 09:17

Something being illegal doesn't mean it doesn't happen though.

Show quote history

Yes but the person who posted was complicit as they managed the bar knowing the guy would be driving home.

SerendipityJane · 28/12/2025 09:17

BigAnne · 28/12/2025 08:59

It's illegal in the UK to serve alcohol to someone who is already drunk. So the guy in question should never have got to the paralytic stage.

Show quote history

Something being illegal doesn't mean it doesn't happen though.

BigAnne · 28/12/2025 08:59

Summertimesadnessishere · 28/12/2025 07:27

That’s dreadful that he was never picked up despite your detailed efforts. I would have written to the local papers and MP saying the police are refusing to act on information that a crime is being committed that is endangering people’s lives. Publicity seems to be only other option when police fail to act.

Show quote history

It's illegal in the UK to serve alcohol to someone who is already drunk. So the guy in question should never have got to the paralytic stage.

SleafordSods · 28/12/2025 07:28

*that age

Summertimesadnessishere · 28/12/2025 07:27

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/12/2025 18:03

People saying "oh you are as bad as you didnt report him!" well its not quite that simple.

Firstly the Op has explained that she has spoken to the police and they cant do anything without info on when and where he is doing it, which she doesnt have as they dont live nearby.

Secondly even with that information, its hit and miss whether anything happens. There was a guy at a pub I used to run who would get paralytic and drive home. Every single time I would report him saying he was over the limit, was at X location and would be driving to Y location and had drunk Z number of drinks over a 2 hours period. Oh and here is his full name and van reg. In 2.5 years of reporting him he was never once stopped. I kept doing it in the hope that if I reported it often enough it would flag up as an issue. But to my knowledge he still hasnt been caught.

That’s dreadful that he was never picked up despite your detailed efforts. I would have written to the local papers and MP saying the police are refusing to act on information that a crime is being committed that is endangering people’s lives. Publicity seems to be only other option when police fail to act.

SleafordSods · 28/12/2025 07:03

CrazyGoatLady · 27/12/2025 21:09

Would at least mean he wouldn't be able to come and visit for a while! 😂

Show quote history

Yes it would. I feel sorry not for him though but for his DM. Fancy having the stress and upset of your DS being sent down when you’re they age.

BooneyBeautiful · 28/12/2025 00:54

mondaytosunday · 27/12/2025 17:21

My friends DH talked his way out of a ban by saying his car was essential to his work (it wasn’t really and he should have been banned). He didn’t use a solicitor.

Was it a ban for drunk driving though? I suspect not.

imfabul0us · 28/12/2025 00:25

Thehorticuluralhussie · 27/12/2025 14:33

He's not going to talk his way out of it. Don't waste your money. He's going to get banned and he deserves to.

This is true - police will have solid bang to rights evidence that he was over the limit. If he felt so strongly about caring for GMIL he would have stuck to fruit juice.
Also, police are likely to believe that it wasn’t the first time he’s done it, just the first time he’s been caught.
Selfish bastard - he could have killed someone.

SassyPearlEagle · 27/12/2025 23:04

So he's doing it again, 3 days later.
They should've confiscated his car.

PodMom · 27/12/2025 22:12

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/12/2025 20:55

So lets say that he gets caught again, which he may if there is a marker on his car reg, what then?

There is, as others have said, no way he will avoid a ban. But by doing it again between getting caught once and going to court for that, he is increasing his likelihood of a custodial sentence!

Someone local to me was in this situation. Had an accident drink driving and was arrested. Still allowed to drive while waiting for court. Caused another accident while drink driving, this time ran off across the fields with police chasing her on foot. Went to prison, got 36 months, she had small kids as well. Six year driving ban.

Volpini · 27/12/2025 21:20

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/12/2025 20:55

So lets say that he gets caught again, which he may if there is a marker on his car reg, what then?

There is, as others have said, no way he will avoid a ban. But by doing it again between getting caught once and going to court for that, he is increasing his likelihood of a custodial sentence!

staggering, really staggering that someone caught drink driving 3 days ago is about to do it again.
He really does sound alcohol dependent.
My nephew was killed by a careless (not drunk) driver when he was 26. I can’t understand how anyone can be cavalier behind the wheel of a vehicle.
it sounds like a custodial sentence is what he and everyone within a ten mile radius of him needs.

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/12/2025 21:13

CrazyGoatLady · 27/12/2025 21:09

Would at least mean he wouldn't be able to come and visit for a while! 😂

Show quote history

Yeah I guess its a win for you!

But its bloody stupid that he is refusing to see this.

Original poster
CrazyGoatLady · 27/12/2025 21:09

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/12/2025 20:55

So lets say that he gets caught again, which he may if there is a marker on his car reg, what then?

There is, as others have said, no way he will avoid a ban. But by doing it again between getting caught once and going to court for that, he is increasing his likelihood of a custodial sentence!

Would at least mean he wouldn't be able to come and visit for a while! 😂

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 27/12/2025 20:55

So lets say that he gets caught again, which he may if there is a marker on his car reg, what then?

There is, as others have said, no way he will avoid a ban. But by doing it again between getting caught once and going to court for that, he is increasing his likelihood of a custodial sentence!

Toddlerteaplease · 27/12/2025 20:47

How does he think he’s going to avoid a ban? He fully deserves it. Don’t give him
a penny.

Original poster
CrazyGoatLady · 27/12/2025 20:32

It's ok, I don't think I mentioned it 😊I said we were a 4hr drive away but to be fair that could have been north or south!

OP posts:
SleafordSods · 27/12/2025 20:29

CrazyGoatLady · 27/12/2025 20:26

DH and I live in Scotland, FIL doesn't.

Show quote history

Sorry obviously my comprehension skills are retreating tonight.

Original poster
CrazyGoatLady · 27/12/2025 20:26

SleafordSods · 27/12/2025 19:48

If you’re in Scotland you’re probably aware that they can take his car as part of sentencing.

Show quote history

DH and I live in Scotland, FIL doesn't.

OP posts:
SleafordSods · 27/12/2025 20:22

I’m alao glad that your DH has finally seem sense too. What an awful situation for your FIL to put you in.

merrychristmasbaby · 27/12/2025 20:20

mondaytosunday · 27/12/2025 17:21

My friends DH talked his way out of a ban by saying his car was essential to his work (it wasn’t really and he should have been banned). He didn’t use a solicitor.

Not with drink driving . Possibly once he reached 12 points for speeding etc by pleading exceptional hardship but drink driving is automatic ban

User8008135 · 27/12/2025 20:08

CrazyGoatLady · 27/12/2025 19:38

He isn't a full blown alcoholic, but definitely a heavy drinker. He's also very stingy with money, so would rather put people at risk on the road than pay for taxis.

He's not got a hope in hell of DH paying anything to help him now, as DH has been on the phone with him while I was out picking DS1 up from work. DH said he's clearly had a few drinks and says he's going to drive home later, but he'll be fine by then apparently...he won't learn, he'll do it again. DH hung up on him. Stupid man.

Show quote history

Oh wow, he's an alcoholic for sure. I'm glad your dh has realised what he's like, that's sad for him but good for you both. I'm not sure they'll get there but it's a good idea to call the police and warn them.

Fireballtime · 27/12/2025 20:05

You need to report him to the police, otherwise if he kills someone today you'll have that on your concience forever. If it was up to me he'd recieve a lengthy prison sentence and I'd tell him so. The money would be better spent on paying someone more resposible to care for the Grandmother.

Kibble19 · 27/12/2025 20:03

Thehorticuluralhussie · 27/12/2025 14:33

He's not going to talk his way out of it. Don't waste your money. He's going to get banned and he deserves to.

Glad I didn’t need to scroll far to find this post.

Don’t waste your money. There’s no getting out of drink driving. The evidence is there. A ban is compulsory. There’s no grey areas here.

Swipe left for the next trending thread