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Elderly parents
Original poster

FIL caught drink driving

262 replies

CrazyGoatLady · 27/12/2025 14:28

FIL (73) drove home from the pub on Christmas Eve, got pulled over for speeding and was over the limit. Said he'd barely had anything to drink, but his brother said he had 6 pints over around 4hrs so he must have been well over. It was about a 5 mile drive home, but on a stretch of A road that often has patrols on it. Fool!

We've had rows over it before and I've said if he ever did it with DC in the car I'd shop him myself. Nobody else was with him on this occasion.

FIL now wants us to help him pay for a good solicitor as he is going to opt for court to try and avoid a ban, as GMIL is very elderly, losing it a bit, and FIL is very involved with her care, he drives over to her house most days. I do not want to give him a penny, as he's been drink driving for years and I hate his attitude, nanny state, they just want your money, I'm a careful driver, it's fine, blah blah. DH is angry with him, but wavering for GMIL's sake.

If DH wants to help I can't stop him, but I don't want him using our joint/family funds to help him weasel his way out, and I feel like he should have thought of his elderly mother before getting in the car after 6 pints. Am I being mean here?

OP posts:
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Appenzell · 29/12/2025 15:05

SerendipityJane · 29/12/2025 10:44

Because - as a poster upthread noted - you are still innocent.

Funny that they could disappear a lot of peoples rights when it came to convicting fare dodgers on the spot, but you have an elaborate pantomime over dealing with drunk drivers. A cynic might say that it's more important to protect money before lives.

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How is dealing with drunk drivers an elaborate pantomime?

Homegrownberries · 29/12/2025 13:33

I think you might be kidding yourselves about him not being an alcoholic.

grumpygrape · 29/12/2025 12:34

SerendipityJane · 29/12/2025 10:44

Because - as a poster upthread noted - you are still innocent.

Funny that they could disappear a lot of peoples rights when it came to convicting fare dodgers on the spot, but you have an elaborate pantomime over dealing with drunk drivers. A cynic might say that it's more important to protect money before lives.

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Well..... you're not really innocent if you have done it but until you plead or are found guilty you have to be treated as innocent.
The difference between fixed penalties and potentially going to prison does make a difference to how cases are handled and I think people are at liberty to challenge fixed penalties if they really want to....

Edited to say I never found Drink Driving cases a 'pantomime'

SerendipityJane · 29/12/2025 10:44

Gottobebannee · 28/12/2025 21:58

This is the crazy thing.

Once arrested for being over the limit, you can continue driving until your court date.

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Because - as a poster upthread noted - you are still innocent.

Funny that they could disappear a lot of peoples rights when it came to convicting fare dodgers on the spot, but you have an elaborate pantomime over dealing with drunk drivers. A cynic might say that it's more important to protect money before lives.

ManyPigeons · 29/12/2025 09:25

If it’s his only offence he can take a course and reduce the ban length by 30%.

Slurple · 29/12/2025 09:24

Do NOT give him your money. If you want to support GMIL you can spend your money on supporting her instead, but he must know that the impact of his drink driving on her is nothing compared to what would happen if he injured or killed someone.

ManyPigeons · 29/12/2025 09:24

No solicitor is going to get him off a driving ban. It’s a waste of money. Sentencing guidelines start at a 12 month ban. They won’t go lower than the sentencing guidelines for a completely standard offence of ‘bloke drives home from pub at Xmas’.

grumpygrape · 29/12/2025 09:18

When I was involved in Adult Criminal Magistrates’ Courts (a few years ago now….) Drink Driving cases were usually listed for the day after arrest. Mostly quick ‘cut and dried’ cases, only needing to be delayed for reports if there was a possibility of custody and even then there would be an interim ban. Much more effective.

Original poster
CrazyGoatLady · 29/12/2025 08:30

Gottobebannee · 28/12/2025 21:58

This is the crazy thing.

Once arrested for being over the limit, you can continue driving until your court date.

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Yep, and it wouldn't surprise us if he was caught again.

OP posts:
Gottobebannee · 28/12/2025 21:58

CrazyGoatLady · 28/12/2025 21:41

No, I think DH has accepted that he needs to face the full consequences, and he'd be best advised to plead guilty and show contrition and willingness to do driver education to reduce the length of the ban.

I'm beyond angry that he was quite willing to get in the car again last night after drinking. He didn't in the end though, DH phoned MIL and she went to pick him up so he wouldn't drive. They're divorced, but MIL does still seem to feel some sort of responsibility for him. Her second husband was a boozer as well, so she has a type.

Show quote history

This is the crazy thing.

Once arrested for being over the limit, you can continue driving until your court date.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 28/12/2025 21:52

Id not give him a penny. He's an idiot and needs to live with the consequences of his actions.

strawberryandtomato · 28/12/2025 21:43

Put the money towards taxis during the ban.

Original poster
CrazyGoatLady · 28/12/2025 21:41

mrssunshinexxx · 28/12/2025 19:37

He isn’t going to get off on this.

No, I think DH has accepted that he needs to face the full consequences, and he'd be best advised to plead guilty and show contrition and willingness to do driver education to reduce the length of the ban.

I'm beyond angry that he was quite willing to get in the car again last night after drinking. He didn't in the end though, DH phoned MIL and she went to pick him up so he wouldn't drive. They're divorced, but MIL does still seem to feel some sort of responsibility for him. Her second husband was a boozer as well, so she has a type.

OP posts:
mrssunshinexxx · 28/12/2025 19:37

He isn’t going to get off on this.

EraOfTheGrey · 28/12/2025 12:43

SleafordSods · 27/12/2025 19:48

If you’re in Scotland you’re probably aware that they can take his car as part of sentencing.

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Another reason to consider moving to Scotland. I totally agree with this, take the fu*kers car off them.

MedievalNun · 28/12/2025 11:45

Tbh, if I’d spoken to him, he was already 3 sheets to the wind and saying he was driving home, I’f have been ringing the police to tell them. With the address & the fact they nicked him 3 days ago they would have his car reg and be able to wait for him. He wouldn’t only be facing a ban then.

SerendipityJane · 28/12/2025 11:39

BigAnne · 28/12/2025 11:37

I've mistakingly responded to the wrong person. I was referring to the bar manager who was talking about a customer who would drive home paralytic from her pub.

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We don't have a brothers keeper law in England. We're edging close to it, but I really don't think it's what people would be happy with.

BigAnne · 28/12/2025 11:37

SerendipityJane · 28/12/2025 11:29

Where did the OP ever mention serving her FiL ?

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I've mistakingly responded to the wrong person. I was referring to the bar manager who was talking about a customer who would drive home paralytic from her pub.

SerendipityJane · 28/12/2025 11:29

BigAnne · 28/12/2025 11:25

You said he was paralytic and often drove drunk. You could have refused to serve him more alcohol, but like him you acted illegally by continuing to serve him.

Where did the OP ever mention serving her FiL ?

BigAnne · 28/12/2025 11:25

You said he was paralytic and often drove drunk. You could have refused to serve him more alcohol, but like him you acted illegally by continuing to serve him.

SerendipityJane · 28/12/2025 10:30

And frankly, why is it my responsibility to make sure he doesnt drink drive by policing what he drinks? Its HIS job to do that!

I know it will never happen, but imagine if peoples wages were a reflection of the responsibility they have been saddled with. A barperson who is responsible for a pub full of patrons could retire at 30.

Frynye · 28/12/2025 10:30

He will do better to go to court, plead guilty and apologise to the judge. He will still get a ban but it may be shorter. Not that he deserves it but there you go

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/12/2025 10:26

BigAnne · 28/12/2025 09:26

Yes but the person who posted was complicit as they managed the bar knowing the guy would be driving home.

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Yes I managed the pub, but I didnt manage him and his life decisions!

It is not my job to do that. I will report someone who is drink driving but thats as far as I am able to go. Someone can have 3 or 4 drinks, served perfectly legally and be over the limit. How is that my responsibility? How would I know that they are planning to drink drive? I only knew about this guy as he did it so often.

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/12/2025 10:22

BigAnne · 28/12/2025 08:59

It's illegal in the UK to serve alcohol to someone who is already drunk. So the guy in question should never have got to the paralytic stage.

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Ok so paralytic was an exaggeration but he had had way too much to drive.

And its a very hard one to call on the law. Its illegal to serve anyone who is visibly drunk, but a hard core drinker can often drink a hell of a lot before being visibly drunk. In a busy pub with several staff serving its hard to keep tabs on who has had what. I have had regulars where 10 pints wouldnt touch the sides and you certainly wouldn't think them "drunk"....tipsy at most.

If it was a simple as it being illegal to serve a drunk person then there would be no drunk people in city centres at a weekend would there?

And frankly, why is it my responsibility to make sure he doesnt drink drive by policing what he drinks? Its HIS job to do that!

pouletvous · 28/12/2025 10:21

Tell him you will contribute to taxis . He has to suck it up. Solicitor will be a waste of money

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