We have an elderly relative who around six months ago started asking for money every month. It's typically around £100 to £200 - so not a huge amount.
We also give elderly relative some money every month anyway to help them out.
We can sort of afford the extra but it means things like DC not doing activities, or me having to delay getting a coat or get hair cut. These aren't huge sacrifices I absolutely don't want relative going without and struggling, so don't mind in principle as elderly relative only has state pension plus other small pension - so is obviously badly impacted by cost of living.
However they do a lot of travelling around the country some times to see us but mostly to catch up with friends - which adds up to a lot.
I tried to talk to relative about this and they said in return they thought I owed them money for buying treats for DC when they came to visit, which they have never mentioned before. To be clear - treats are basically ice creams, snacks while out and about etc. We usually give cash for these but sometimes relatives has bought clothing (nothing massively expensive) without asking us but this has always been described as a present.
They have done a little childcare before but only when they are visiting us and it is a case of sitting on the couch with DC in bed and being on call if there is an emergency. We get DC ready for bed and DC have always gone to nursery. By contrast they have done huge amounts of full time childcare for other side of family - which is fair enough because they live closer. We always pay train fares etc if elderly relative comes down and stays.
The issue I'm having is the constant demands - they've even now started to ask when I'll get paid!! They don't ask other side of family for anything as they are not in position to help. This is fair enough but I work full time - which has been quite a sacrifice for me over the years and elderly relative has had the odd negative comment to say about this, which I've let go. DH's role isn't super well paid - so I keep our heads above water.
Recently things have come slightly to a head as elderly relative has announced they are going on an expensive holiday. They were initially suggesting I should 'loan' them the cash. They have now got the cash from elsewhere in the shape of a loan from a friend. Clearly it is their business but if they money requests start again - can I refuse? They have been given a sizeable loan and have chosen to spend it on a hol. HOWEVER this is a longed for holiday late in life
I honestly don't know if I am being a meanie or not. Elderly relative is a really kind loving person- I am actually a bit worried for them generally as this is all slightly out of character.
Am I a meanie or am I stupid and naive? Pls some perspective and kind advice on how to deal with this.