Parents retired early…

Btw fixations on worries-that-need-to-be-resolved-right-now, indicated by repeat phone calls about said worry, can be sign of cognitive decline. It stems from an awareness that things aren’t quite right, a sense of vulnerability. It’s why people with dementia will ring relentlessly because the TV is ‘broken’. Something to be alert to.

I disagree with some of the posters here. You know your parents and your gut feeling is right. I think they do want you to step in financially, even if it’s a small token amount. At the very least, they want you to permanently alleviate their worry by saying ‘don’t worry. We’ll step in if it comes to it’. If you permanently alleviate their worry, regularly confirming this by paying their gas bill or the odd repair of the roof, then they will have what they truly desired, the reason they retired early in the first place: a permanent holiday free from obligations and stresses. For this generation, there is, I believe a very strong culture of the right to a particular kind of retirement. ‘Ive paid my dues’. It doesn’t exist for younger generations.

At the point of retirement, would-be retirees have a choice around how to draw down their private pension. For example, whether to choose a fixed income or one that increases over time with inflation. Using the same example, they might have been offered 30k a year forever, or 20k a year with a guarantee of increase with official inflation figures. In my experience, many retirees go for the former because they believe in a sort of right to future preserved in aspic (which is why retired people get annoyed by housing development ‘we just want a quiet life’). They also tend to choose the tax free lump sum, too, to have a splurge. Retired people are reading all sorts of things in the run up to the budget.

It may be dawning on your parents that their income isn’t enough. They will be hearing about dwindling projected inheritance from friends whose parents are in nursing homes. They will have run the calculations on their savings. I suspect they are itching to use their savings but just need your blessing in a way.

Obviously, don’t do what they want. I would recommend instead that you steer them in the direction of a financial adviser, particularly if you paid the financial adviser’s fee. The financial adviser will help. Very likely to also recommend they set up LPA.

I think they've just reached that age where it's the done thing to moan about everything. If they were still working they'd be moaning about that. You can't win.

Try not to take it personally - think of it as they're talking at you, venting their spleen, getting it off their chest, a talking point, topic of conversation, rather than expecting you to magic up some solution out of thin air. It was their life choice to retire early (and I don't blame them, I would too, if I could) but I don't think you can pin this on that - in that - if they went back to work they'd stop moaning.

"I feel like they want some kind of magic solution from me & its stressing me out."

Trust me, they aren't expecting a magic solution from you. Don't burden yourself with that train of thought. You're just somebody who tolerates their moaning ... "they'll moan to anybody who'll listen". Just switch off and make appropriate mmmm, uhuh, and I know sounds.

Or do like my cousin did with her mum and say "right, I'm off now, you're boring me with your whinging and I feel quite depressed". Then started singing 'always look on the bright side of life' as she walked out the door.

Are they claiming any benefits they may be entitled to?

They apparently have £300k in savings and no health conditions, so they won't be entitled to any benefits

Sounds aggravating. Its the sort of convo we get from MIL and she's in her 80s.

I think of you retire early you have to have a plan..

Early 60s is not that much older than me and there's no way I'd go on like that to my DC - tbh they wouldn't put up with it.

Do either volunteer at all ? It might get them out, talking to other people.

I can’t stand this sort of thing. They made a not very sound decision. That’s on them. I would just cut short any conversation short if they start.
My mum is similar despite barely working her whole life. It’s ridiculous.

Mine is very like this, only older. They get worse with time!

It’s also crazy. The percentage increase on her pension far far exceeds my salary increases over the same period. Plus £££ in the bank and house mortgage-free.

People make decisions no matter what other people say to them, they’re just worried. Let them give out, we all give out about vol, their only difference is that they’re finished working

Money takes on a different meaning to older/retired people. We compare current prices to those when we were up and about....and it is scary. "If it is like that now, what will it be in the future. I will need all my savings. Either of us may need care. Keep my savings."

Are they claiming any benefits they may be entitled to?
Are they really financially stretched, or is it their perception?

Probably there are lots of groups and activities around . Mens Shed , woman's guild, craft, walking football. It would give them the opportunity to speak to like minded people. Do they have their own circle of friends?

Not reaching out to other communities, lays a path to loneliness and despair. They are young enough to establish those connections before their
health may fail.

And most importantly encourage them to count their blessings. Not their savings, but their good health and the companionship of each other.

If you have time try to find out what is available, one or the other may
enjoy

Finally, I think that to ignore or distance yourself from their calls is not a good move at best,and cruel at its worst .Use the calls as a reason for them to join to join a group where they call speak about the topics.

I hope this helps. I am relating some of my own experiences of being older .

I hope all goes well.

Make wild suggestions to them :

Get a lodger
Petsit
Be a carer to an elderly person
Sell your knickers 🤣🤣

I just wanted to say i totally empathise 😂. I thought this was just my parents. DM, when she calls, talks about a) politics especially reform b) money and savings.

My DM still works part time but she's had since my parents divorced when she was 50 to improve things financially, retrain etc. No, apparently she felt she was too old at the time, despite her looking back now and thinking gosh how young she was.

I went round the other week and was on her computer and came across the Telegraph subscription - honestly 5 minutes of reading that and I was like I know what the problem is 😂 She is reading too much news. I felt utterly depressed after looking at the paper for five minutes, she's reading it every day.

I went got her set up on FREE press reader, where she can read the Torygraph and every other paper and magazine under the sun, at no cost, saving about £300 a year. No, in the end she preferred the layout of the Torygraph.

I think sometimes my parents expect me to provide the entertainment - honestly I'm just staying afloat 😂 I like the idea of chatting about exciting things to get up to though.

Mainly I say I'm busy or change the subject. It was like this with Brexit - I honestly almost WANTED Brexit to happen 😂. There was indeed a gap, but then it was all about What's China Up To? I don't know, I just want to enjoy this life 🤣

I'd set voicemail to kick in after two rings, and let them leave a message. Return the call with a whatsapp message, no talking. Do that for as long as possible. Ignoring is the only way, as long as they are well that's the main thing. Think of it as a whingeing child wanting to get their own way. What would you do there? Ignore I reckon 😊

I sympathise that they're moaning to you about the situation but £300m is nothing when you're not working and in your early 60's so I can understand them not dipping into the pot.
They could live for another 30+ years.
Going back to work is probably the only option but I can't imagine after being out of the workplace they're going to be sort after as employees and I expect as they retired so young they don't want to go back to that life.
What about getting an answering machine - then you can call them back when you have a mo and tell them you can't talk long the minute they mention money.

but why do you have to listen to it. You have agency. If you carry on I will put the phone down. And do every time. You are right you can't stop them but you remove yourself.

That would drive me mad … how tone deaf when they own their home and have £300K in savings.

What do they do with their time? How do they fill their days … apart from watching shite online and repeating it to you?

It’s a mistake to retire early unless you’ve got lots of hobbies, willing to volunteer or can afford to travel etc.

They are grown ups. If they don’t like their current circumstances they have plenty of ways they could change it. Work a bit, use some savings etc
They sound bored and self absorbed tbh. It appears that moaning has become their new hobby!
You need to zone out and not take it’s a problem you need to fix.

Put them on speaker rather than on headphones or holding to your ear. The distance really helps

Prop the phone up and do something physical, unload the dishwasher, dust a forgotten book shelf, sort wàshing, any chore that you stand a chance of completing so the time ticks a box.

Limit the time
Pretend you watch TV old school style, so 6 pm you need to catch the headlines/grand designs/Traitors

Or you are running a family Uber service
Or there's a delivery at this time of night. What are they thinking! Imaginary van drivers, honestly , feel so sorry for them.

Talk about the garden, endless cycle pretty positive, recommend garden shows, lights, monty fucking don
Events that are community but not necessarily family - remembrance, Park run, boxing day swim, football match in town, Christmas markets. My parents in retirement having ignored any group thing, got quite into first observing then attending all sorts of things. It was a pretty positive topic in a nice to get out even if it did descend into how much for a hot chocolate.

Best wishes!

That would make me very irritated OP. Just be blunt. Every time they mention the cost of things tell them it’s a good job they have savings to dip into. If they complain that they are struggling ask what they are going to do to fix this. If they don’t stop tell them to stop because they are boring you.

But people don’t need a reason to retire. I retired early and took a financial hit because I’d had enough of working. Admittedly I’m not moaning to my kids about it though! But people don’t have to justify it

I'd just start saying "Spend your savings" in a monotone, on repeat. Every time.

My dad is older and retired about 60 when his pension pot bought him an annuity of about £30k /year. Back in 2001 that was pretty good. Now (funny old thing) it doesn’t go so far and he is increasingly stressed about money. If your parents are struggling now, they probs l’y need to go back to work! If dad had his time again I think he’d have gone part time for another 5 years or so.