Parents retired early…

Do they complain about anything else eg their health, neighbours etc?

Maybe they are just making conversation, externally processing and they don't need you to do anything. Which is hard because there's no end to it.

Is there a local friendship group on Facebook your mother could join, get out with some other people and maybe have other people to complain to?

It's very draining for you, I'd start making excuses as soon as she starts complaining, almost like training her that you're fine for a normal catch up call but as soon as she's complaining you've got other things to do.

How the fuck is £300k nothing even if OP's parents are in their early 60s? I assume that they are mortgage free and have work pensions that were sufficient for them to take early retirement and they should be receiving quite a lot of interest from their savings. They will be getting their state pension in a few more years as well.

I’m the same age as your parents and I think they are being very selfish. If they have pension income and savings they are very fortunate. Current interest rates would give them around £10k interest on their £300k savings, and in a few years when they are 67 they will probably both be entitled to the state pension which could be another £20k a year between them, and with inheritance to come in the future what are they moaning about. They really do need to count their blessings and I’d certainly be telling them so. Our generation have been very fortunate, generally we’ve benefitted from ridiculous increases in property prices and decent pensions that have enabled many of us to retire early, we are pretty fortunate compared to our children’s generation who struggle with high rents and mortgages and crazy childcare fees. Next time they start moaning tell them this, perhaps they might reflect a bit and realise that they are being totally unreasonable.

Why wasn’t their decision sound? They’re perfectly well off with savings, no mortgage and inheritance to come. I wouldn’t work in their shoes. They are grumbling about nothing really.

Id just change the subject, or tell them to stop moaning, they’re better off than most people -every time!

I have absolutely zero sympathy with people like this- what did they think they would live on retiring early 50s - it’s clear they are going to to have to live on savings and pension draw downs for at least 10 or 12 years or so minumum - it’s what happens with too much time on your hands, GB News and not prepared to spend cash - you can get a month in Italy or Spain in the winter /early spring for a good apartment plus two flights for £1600 - and then live as you would at home ( minus GB news) - suggest it - it’s the same with people who moaned on about WFA whilst sat in fully paid for houses getting state plus private pensions . If it’s that tight draw down a bit of equity release - all kinds available these days including types where it’s like a large overdraft and you just draw down as you need it - hence only paying interest on what you have drawn down - even drawing down an extra £4K a year would make a nice difference to plenty of people-my son at 27 doesn’t get WFA and will be lucky to get a home of his own before 35 - even earning just above average wage- problem is the country is stuffed full of people with your parents attitude , moaning about stuff but haven’t been contributing or contributing very little indeed for years and years. And wonder why the country has issues-

X

Your parents will get their state pension too in a few years time (assuming they’ve paid enough contributions) so I wouldn’t get drawn in OP. It’s ridiculous.

Is it mainly your mum again with the calls? Would your dad be able to stop her again?

Otherwise you can try drowning them out - yes, I'm so worried, I think we won't ever buy a house and will be working to 70, we won't even get an inheritance it'll be lost in tax and inheritance...

Or if they still don't get the hint burst into tears and say you find them incredibly insensitive when you don't know how you will pay the gas bill and hang up.

I have noticed that people who are retired often end up in a bit of a bubble. They are no longer meeting lots of new people from different walks of life and different stages in life so they can end up with a narrower view. I am saying this as a retired woman in her mid sixties and of course it does not apply to everyone. Your DPs seem to have lost a bit of perspective. There is nothing wrong with saying ‘Mum/Dad please stop talking about money .We are struggling and we are all victims of the global financial situation .’
I would hope that at some point they would be able to empathise.
I can remember when inflation was sky high in the 70s I had several friends whose parents had retired early following financial success in their careers;several of these parents had to find work eg in shops or cafes. It was an adaptation to circumstances .

I would ask your mum "What's the solution?" If she replies none..then you can say "well no point discussing it, it's just a case of accepting where you are"

I assume the 300k is earning them an additional income?

What of you said...mum you have loads of money, compared to many people?

OPs parents are in their early 60’s. Working age. Not likely to be struggling with age related cognitive decline and a generation who grew up knowing they had to fund their own private pension if they wanted more than the absolute basics. They are being miserable and self centred and my advice to op is to up the firmness, not to pander to them.

And thats fine - i just wondered if that was part of the problem in how they were perceiving things.

(my parents both carried on working in high pressure jobs till they were 70, and still plan to do some part time consulting post retirement)

You sound kind and also sensible. It's good you can set healthy boundaries.
Your parents have money and health and could work if they chose to.

I agree. He did well. But given it’s not what he was getting and with cost of living, plus age related anxiety, he does go on a lot about it. My point was that if OPs parents are unhappy with their lot in their early 60s…. It will only get worse.

Ask them straight, “what is it you want me to do with this information”.
You have empathised, suggested a few things (get a part time job / draw down some savings) and now just going around in circles.

Maybe her in-laws didn't have several hundred thousand pounds in savings though?

I'd keep pointing out they could go back to work if they are struggling
Even if they did some self employed stuff like dog walking/babysitting . Or things like leaflet delivery.

Or other good sources of a bit of a cash injection are things like exam invigilation or work for the elections.

Working will keep them busy and active and mean they don't have as much time to sit around feeling sorry for themselves

Another option you could suggest is they rent a spare room to a lodger?

I'd find a list of solutions and keep rotating them on a loop

Just let the calls go to voicemail
I help an elderly friend
But her demands were getting ridiculous
I stated letting all calls go to voicemail
My heart was beating like a drum the first time, but after a while the demands stopped
i would of course respond to any emergencies.

The problem is like you they did the sums too and could afford it but things change.
How do you know the budget on the 26th won't derail your long term plans?
I think the fact that OP helped her in laws may be scewing things a bit for her parents if they're aware. They could be wondering why her in laws were worthy of help but not them. Rather like having two kids and giving one a house deposit and then telling the other you can't afford it for them.
Not saying OP should help but maybe a bit more complicated than the original post implies.

Just to pick up on this, my pension pot, assuming I work to 68, is worth about £32k/yr (on a civil service “good” pension in a £45k/yr job) so it doesn’t sound to me like your dad did too bad! Especially considering he will also be getting state pension which will ever likely have disappeared by the time I get to retirement age…

Oh and actually, another sign of cognitive decline is the inability to comprehend the consequences of their expectations, or others’ needs. The elderly get, erm, how to put this, a bit selfish. Maybe it’s a survival instinct. It’s the reason my FIL thought it was a perfectly normal idea for my husband to permanently move in with him to be his carer (in addition to the enormous team of carers and helpers he had already). In your parents’ minds, you’re fine, and besides, all these people driving around in new cars means the younger generation is super wealthy.

Yes I wouldn’t pay or give them anything OP. I will warrant you will not be in the position to retire early 50s like they have chosen to do. They can draw down their savings until state pension kicks in and gives them an extra £20k between them each year ( that is if they have made full contributions).

It is scary using up savings rather than adding to them - I am 55 and currently not working as due to elderly DPs health I am looking for part time work only and it’s hard to find - but I comfort myself with the knowledge that’s what the money is there for and we have done the sums so know we can afford it. If they didn’t do their sums it’s not up to a young working family to bail them out - though doubtless they think differently because you have helped ILs.

Ah, so you set the precedent, in their view.

Yup, always seems to be the daughter who is called upon for support and care.

Do set up the financial adviser. And then you have the perfect answer when they start talking about COL. ‘Remember what the financial adviser said’.