LPA dilemma | Mumsnet

victormeldrewcantbelieveit · 2025-11-12T11:30:30+00:00

Looking for advice, please – this may be long! My grandmother (DGM) is 81. The only family she has are me and her nephew (DGM’s late sister’s son). DGM and her DN had a very close relationship for most of DN’s life, but especially in the15 years since DGF passed and DN did a lot for DGM (and I know DGM had been particularly difficult and demanding at times). I don’t have the best relationship with DGM but try to stay in touch via messages and phone calls. A few weeks ago, DGM got into a pickle with her online banking. She attempted to log in but had forgotten her password, and so was locked out, and the bank sent her a text saying they had stopped someone logging into her account. DGM then decided that it must have been her DN trying to access her account (I am certain this is not the case and trust him implicitly). Without approaching the subject with DN, she took it upon herself to block DN from all forms of communication, made noises about changing the lock on her front door (DN was the only person allowed a key) and made an appointment with her solicitor to remove DN from her will. I then had to make a very unpleasant phone call to her DN, to clarify why DGM wasn’t answering any of his calls and what she had accused him of. After everything her DN has done for her over the past 15 years, I think DGM has treated him appallingly – he was heartbroken at being accused and in his words, DGM had acted as judge, jury and executioner without giving him any chance to discuss with her. DN and DGM before this had a good relationship - DN has a heart of gold and is blessed with a hundred times more patience than I have. I struggle to be around DGM – whenever I am going to see her in person I have a pit in my stomach as you can never tell what mood she is going to be in – it’s like walking on eggshells. Over the past 30+ years I have known her, DGM has systematically cut everyone out from her life for little/no reason – friends, family, acquaintances. She hasn’t spoken to DN’s wife in over 13 years due to a disagreement about a holiday. She has quit hobbies at the drop of a hat just because she decides she doesn’t like someone else who attends. DGM has always been stubborn, headstrong, bullish and I don’t think she has ever apologised to anyone in her life and picks people up/drops them when it suits. I have been on the receiving end and have been cut out in the past for perceived slights. I do however say the above in the context of believing there may currently be other factors at play that may be exacerbating her behaviour – I have wondered whether early dementia may have caused some paranoia-type feeling – her DN thinks it could be depression related (DGM has phases where she will lash out/withdraw for weeks/months at a time – this has been the case for decades). I have tried to gently reason with DGM, suggesting that she may have input her banking details incorrectly (and said I have done the same, it's so easy to do, banks make it so difficult, etc. - so she didn't feel like I was attacking her), attempted to persuade her not to change her will on impulse, but she just ended up turning on me (and another member of my family who tried to speak to her). She went quiet for a while and then a couple of days later there would be another text message attack. I tried to call her to discuss the situation, but she screened all of my calls and immediately messaged me telling me to leave her alone. She asked me if I would be willing to be executor in the new will (in place of her nephew). I told her I think it best if she appoints a solicitor to do this as due to the situation at present, it may get messy further down the line. I again tried to persuade her against removing her nephew from the will to no avail. She went to a solicitor appointment yesterday and messaged me yesterday evening asking if I would be LPA for her. I'm torn - I don't want to end up being accused in the same way her nephew was (and he didn't even have LPA), particularly if I get involved in her financial affairs. At the same time, there is no-one else left in the family and I'd feel incredibly guilty saying no. Even before the LPA was discussed, my DH and another family member advised me against getting too tangled up with DGM as any time we have a relationship that is anything more than just surface-level and exchanging messages, my mental health takes a nosedive as she is so difficult and demanding. I do appreciate that not having LPA in place may cause issues down the line - but I'm not sure I want to put myself potentially in the firing line by agreeing to be appointed.

REP22 · 17/11/2025 13:55

Ah, well that's that then. Out of her own mouth. Let her enjoy the rewards of her choices while you move on in peace and future happiness. Freedom.

Sorry that you've had to endure all this. Can you arrange some time with your DN and enjoy each other's company in your new-found liberty? x

Rubinia · 17/11/2025 07:10

im so glad you can drop this rope now! I’m sorry for all the things you went through! You deserve all peace and happiness.

rickyrickygrimes · 16/11/2025 17:42

You’re expected to behave well enough that she’ll graciously accept you to be her POA?? 🤣😂🤣

Deary me, that’s your cue to exit stage left, a spring in your step.

PermanentTemporary · 16/11/2025 16:05

Oh victor it sounds as if you have absolutely dodged a bullet there. I’d take that as a win. I think if she comes back to you about it just laugh and say she really doesn’t treat people well enough to ask them to do that kind of thing.

user90276865197 · 16/11/2025 15:51

Good grief, do not under any circumstances agree to be POA!
I’ve done it a few times now, some close relatives, others as a more distant relationship and it’s quite a responsibility to take on. Do not agree to do this for anyone who is “difficult” would be my sincere advice. There was no expectation of me doing any physical caring for my relatives, but it seems to me you are being set up to be no 1 carer.
She can get her solicitor to do it for finances, at a cost. And the health one is not so essential and I never found anyone asked about that one so much, the medics opinion always seemed to be enough.

She needs a POA sorting, it is so much easier when it is in place, but it doesn’t have to be you. You’ve seen what happens to others that cross her, you will no doubt be next, and if you’re holding her money in your hands you’ll be accused of all sorts. If it’s her solicitor or similar professional in charge, they will at least have no personal gain and immaculate records to prove their trustworthiness. Hopefully!

Original poster

victormeldrewcantbelieveit · 16/11/2025 15:36

As I mentioned, I messaged her yesterday telling her I would consider being medical or property LPA, but suggested she applied for attendance allowance as I can't offer her the same level of assistance and DN did - I also added at the end of the message that I can't tell her what to put in her will, but that she should seriously consider before cutting DN from the will as he has been her go-fer for the past 15 years and cutting him out may cause ill-feeling down the line.

Her response was that that she didn't like me threatening her with ill-feeling and it was nasty for me to do so (!) that she no longer wanted me as Power of Attorney, and that maybe now 'she can get some peace of mind'. I'm at a loss for words really.

OP posts:

Original poster

victormeldrewcantbelieveit · 16/11/2025 15:32

rickyrickygrimes · 16/11/2025 12:38

@victormeldrewcantbelieveit

none of what happened to you was your fault and you don’t have to ‘make up’ for anything. You had the bad luck to be born into a family of seriously damaged adults, none of whom was capable of caring for you as you needed. You don’t have anything to prove here.

You will have to come to a decision yourself, but for what it’s worth: drop the rope and walk away. You owe her nothing. Focus on your own family and your own healing. Listen to what your body is telling you every time you are in touch with her: run, and don’t look back. And I hardly ever say that on here! If you are not able to set and enforce boundaries to protect yourself, then this is going to drown you.

I sent her a message yesterday saying I was still considering the LPA, either the financial and property or the health and welfare one. I also asked her to consider applying for attendance allowance again, and made it clear that I'm not in a position to provide anywhere near the level of assistance DN did, due to DD and DS/health/work/not driving, and that attendance allowance would enable her to pay for help (she has mobility issues so I think she would qualify). This was my attempt at trying to put some boundaries in place but she has made is clear today she's not particularly happy with the message I sent.
Where’s the boundary here? Boundaries are for you, not her. A boundary is you telling her what you are prepared to do and not do - it’s not you asking her to please consider doing xzy, not you asking her to be aware of and understanding of your time / energy limitations. You can’t make her do any of these things. Boundaries are rules that you put in place, for yourself and to protect yourself. Whether she approves or disapproves is irrelevant, it’s really not about her.

Are there any financial ties keeping you connected with her? Are you expecting to inherit?

Why is she even asking you to be LPA? Does she think it will oblige you to take on an active caring role? It really doesn’t have to. How do you think solicitors or LPAs living in a different country do it’s? By sticking strictly to what it’s actually designed for. Again, boundaries.

Where’s the boundary here? Boundaries are for you, not her. A boundary is you telling her what you are prepared to do and not do - it’s not you asking her to please consider doing xzy, not you asking her to be aware of and understanding of your time / energy limitations. You can’t make her do any of these things. Boundaries are rules that you put in place, for yourself and to protect yourself. Whether she approves or disapproves is irrelevant, it’s really not about her.

This is a fair point – I’d not thought about it in that way!

Are there any financial ties keeping you connected with her? Are you expecting to inherit?

I think I’m in the will but I’d be more than willing to give that all up if it meant I can have a peaceful life going forward.

Why is she even asking you to be LPA? Does she think it will oblige you to take on an active caring role? It really doesn’t have to. How do you think solicitors or LPAs living in a different country do it’s? By sticking strictly to what it’s actually designed for. Again, boundaries.
Yes I think so. I think now DN is out of the frame she will expect me to pick up where he left off (which I have tried to make clear I won’t) and I think me also being LPA would form part of that.

OP posts:

Original poster

victormeldrewcantbelieveit · 16/11/2025 15:31

REP22 · 15/11/2025 18:36

Bless you @victormeldrewcantbelieveit - you bear no guilt at all. None whatsoever. You have been kinder and more generous in your words to your GM than she deserves. I'm sorry for the deeply shitty experiences you have had to endure. You sound like a really lovely person.

I'd put all feelings of guilt and obligation for your GM on a little raft, cut the rope, and watch them drift away downstream forever, never to be endured again, while you stand proud and tall on the bank waving them off. But that's far, far easier to write than to actually do.

I hope you have freedom and happiness in the future. The world is a far better place because you are alive in it, and despite the misery that your mediocre relatives have heaped upon you over the years.

With love. x

This is the loveliest message and so appreciated - thank you so very much! I mean that, truly.

OP posts:

rickyrickygrimes · 16/11/2025 12:38

@victormeldrewcantbelieveit

none of what happened to you was your fault and you don’t have to ‘make up’ for anything. You had the bad luck to be born into a family of seriously damaged adults, none of whom was capable of caring for you as you needed. You don’t have anything to prove here.

You will have to come to a decision yourself, but for what it’s worth: drop the rope and walk away. You owe her nothing. Focus on your own family and your own healing. Listen to what your body is telling you every time you are in touch with her: run, and don’t look back. And I hardly ever say that on here! If you are not able to set and enforce boundaries to protect yourself, then this is going to drown you.

I sent her a message yesterday saying I was still considering the LPA, either the financial and property or the health and welfare one. I also asked her to consider applying for attendance allowance again, and made it clear that I'm not in a position to provide anywhere near the level of assistance DN did, due to DD and DS/health/work/not driving, and that attendance allowance would enable her to pay for help (she has mobility issues so I think she would qualify). This was my attempt at trying to put some boundaries in place but she has made is clear today she's not particularly happy with the message I sent.
Where’s the boundary here? Boundaries are for you, not her. A boundary is you telling her what you are prepared to do and not do - it’s not you asking her to please consider doing xzy, not you asking her to be aware of and understanding of your time / energy limitations. You can’t make her do any of these things. Boundaries are rules that you put in place, for yourself and to protect yourself. Whether she approves or disapproves is irrelevant, it’s really not about her.

Are there any financial ties keeping you connected with her? Are you expecting to inherit?

Why is she even asking you to be LPA? Does she think it will oblige you to take on an active caring role? It really doesn’t have to. How do you think solicitors or LPAs living in a different country do it’s? By sticking strictly to what it’s actually designed for. Again, boundaries.

REP22 · 15/11/2025 18:36

Bless you @victormeldrewcantbelieveit - you bear no guilt at all. None whatsoever. You have been kinder and more generous in your words to your GM than she deserves. I'm sorry for the deeply shitty experiences you have had to endure. You sound like a really lovely person.

I'd put all feelings of guilt and obligation for your GM on a little raft, cut the rope, and watch them drift away downstream forever, never to be endured again, while you stand proud and tall on the bank waving them off. But that's far, far easier to write than to actually do.

I hope you have freedom and happiness in the future. The world is a far better place because you are alive in it, and despite the misery that your mediocre relatives have heaped upon you over the years.

With love. x

Original poster

victormeldrewcantbelieveit · 15/11/2025 18:25

rickyrickygrimes · 15/11/2025 17:11

Oh dear @victormeldrewcantbelieveit , that sounds like a traumatic upbringing. Is your own father anywhere in this? You lost your mum at a young age: it’s normal for a child to try and attach themselves to other related adults - your grand parents. they seem to have been woefully unable to meet your needs. But you seem to be stuck in a pattern of trying to make them (her now) happy so that they will love you and look after you. I’m sorry they didn’t do that for you.

Whose expectations are you trying to live up to here? If it’s your own expectations of what a ‘good’ person or a ‘good’ granddaughter should do, feel free to change your mind on that at any time. Enlist the help of a therapist if you need to (you probably do). That’s the one bit that you can control because she sure as hell is not going to change.

what does your DH think about all this?

I am so tearful reading these replies - I actually came back on to say how guilty I felt for making such a character assassination on DGM (!)

Upbringing was v.v. traumatic - it took for a psychologist to point out to me earlier this year that what my parents put me though as a young child was physical, emotional and psychological abuse and neglect. I was seeing a therapist earlier this year for treatment for C-PTSD as a result of memories from my childhood.... DM and DF divorced when I was 11 and I lived with DM and her DP who was also abusive towards me. When DM died I went to live with DGM, as my DF wasn't in a place to take care of me (he went to prison shortly after DM died, he had been in and out of prison for most of my teens). DF overdosed a few days after getting released from prison for the final time, which was 10 months after DM died. His funeral was 2 days before my 18th birthday.

I definitely think my childhood has clouded my judgement to my own detriment - I probably do need a few more sessions in therapy! DH is very much of the opinion that I'm too hard on myself and I need to stop feeling guilty, especially when DGM has such an effect on me. Any interaction with her these days brings on anxiety - just her presence is triggering.

OP posts:

Justbecauseyoucandoesntmeanyoushould · 15/11/2025 17:27

I've been/am an attorney. I find it to be such a lot of responsibility, especially holding both Financial Decisions and Health and Welfare. It requires endless amounts of time and tremendous mental, emotional ans physical resilience, especially once the person loses capacity. Navigating the care system is hell but being a full-time carer is unsustainable for many of us. I would run as far and as fast as I could if anyone asked me to be their attorney again.

rickyrickygrimes · 15/11/2025 17:11

Oh dear @victormeldrewcantbelieveit , that sounds like a traumatic upbringing. Is your own father anywhere in this? You lost your mum at a young age: it’s normal for a child to try and attach themselves to other related adults - your grand parents. they seem to have been woefully unable to meet your needs. But you seem to be stuck in a pattern of trying to make them (her now) happy so that they will love you and look after you. I’m sorry they didn’t do that for you.

Whose expectations are you trying to live up to here? If it’s your own expectations of what a ‘good’ person or a ‘good’ granddaughter should do, feel free to change your mind on that at any time. Enlist the help of a therapist if you need to (you probably do). That’s the one bit that you can control because she sure as hell is not going to change.

what does your DH think about all this?

REP22 · 15/11/2025 16:45

That sounds brutal @victormeldrewcantbelieveit - in light of that, I would be inclined to sever all contact and cherish family time with your DN.

She will continue to drag you down until you drown with the despair of it all. You owe her nothing. It's unlikely she will die and not be discovered for months. Social Services will have stepped in before then, especially if she is consulting with solicitors who may have to question her capacity. However - if she does, then this is the path she has carved out for herself. It will be her fault and hers alone. Not yours.

I think this is a golden opportunity to make a break and step right back. Free yourself and your children from her baleful influence. You bear no responsibility and you should bear no guilt. None whatsoever (easier said than done though, but possible).

Cut her off and be free to face your future with happiness and without fear of her further oppression. As you have experienced before (and as with your DN) it won't be long before you are back to being Public Enemy Number One, with all that brings with it.

The long-running Stately Homes thread on MN has excellent support and advice for those dealing with toxic family members. Also, the Out of the Fog website (FOG = Fear, Obligation and Guilt) is very helpful and has an excellent forum: https://outofthefog.website/.

Best wishes to you. x

Out of the FOG | Personality Disorders, Narcissism, NPD, BPD

Helping family members & loved-ones of people who suffer from personality disorders.

https://outofthefog.website

CandidLurker · 15/11/2025 15:58

Honestly OP based on what you’ve said do not agree to be LPA.

It’s a big responsibility and can end up being a lot of work even for someone you like/love/respect.

I think it was this thread where a previous poster made a really good point. If there was no LPA, social services in the end would just take over.

When I look at what’s happened to my relative, the end result would probably have been the same even if we weren’t involved. He would be in a care home, self-funding. It sounds brutal but that is the reality.

Original poster

victormeldrewcantbelieveit · 15/11/2025 15:44

I was worse at setting boundaries - I think I am getting better but I'm not sure I would be able to hold her off at all times.

DGM owns her own house and as far as I know has her state and a private pension. I always got the impression she was fairly comfortable as she used to go on cruises, many trips away a year etc. and was always splashing out whenever she was shopping, but then at the start of this year she kept saying to me how she couldn't even "afford the water to have a bath". Though I do think this was more of a manipulation tactic to get me into the fold as I can't see that even with COL, her finances could have changed so drastically in the space of a couple of years. She actually later admitted to me that she was just squirrelling all of her money away and didn't want to spend it (!).

She hasn't really mentioned anything about what she wants going forward. There are no carers at present, I suggested a few times over the past couple of years (especially when she was complaining about her financial situation) that she applied for attendance allowance but she was too proud.

DN did jobs around the house, helping her with things like gardening, DIY, running errands, and some tasks to do with admin and so on - there's probably a lot more he did that I'm not aware of.

I sent her a message yesterday saying I was still considering the LPA, either the financial and property or the health and welfare one. I also asked her to consider applying for attendance allowance again, and made it clear that I'm not in a position to provide anywhere near the level of assistance DN did, due to DD and DS/health/work/not driving, and that attendance allowance would enable her to pay for help (she has mobility issues so I think she would qualify). This was my attempt at trying to put some boundaries in place but she has made is clear today she's not particularly happy with the message I sent.

There's an enormous backstory and if there were other people in the family, I would have gone NC years ago. Unfortunately I feel now I'm the only one left standing (due to relatives either passing away or her cutting people out) and I fear if I step away, she could end up being one of those cases where an elderly person passes and no-one discovers them for months. I'm resentful and angry at the situation and TBH feel like I'm trapped.

My DM (DGM's DD) passed when I was a teen and I lived with DGM for a while - during this time it was clear I was not particularly welcome - DGF would threaten to kick me out when I was 17 as DGM was giving him a hard time about me being there. When I was 20 and due to move in with a DP, I told her on the day that I didn't want to move in with him as the relationship was incredibly toxic and abusive and her response was "well you can either move in with him today or find somewhere else today as you're not staying here". The next day she was messaging me as I had emptied my room of everything except a TV, which she wanted me to collect as she wanted the room stripped bare.

When DGF died (prior to me moving out), she kicked me out for 2 weeks and took my key off me, and I had to stay with friends. She then got relatives to reprimand me for "not being supportive enough" even though I had been told to leave the house.

When I lived with her as a teen, at one point she screamed at me "why are you my responsibility".

Another time when I was living with her but was away at university, and I bought a car against her wishes, she banned me from going home that weekend and again I had to stay with friends. When she found out I was planning on buying a car, she shouted at me in front of a restaurant full of people.

She didn't visit DD in hospital (when DD was 4) as it was 'raining', even though she made her way to her hobbies quite happily in adverse weather. She told me my DS was her favourite and used to turn up for lunch with presents for him and not DD. When DD was 3, she told us she didn't like DGM as she had obviously picked up on this.

I used to take her out shopping and for dinner, but me going straight after the school run wasn't convenient for her (even if she had nothing else on that day) so I had to pick up DD and DS from nursery/school, drive to my house and sit on the drive in the car with DD and DS for 5 minutes before heading to pick DGM up (as opposed to going straight from the school run) as she would sulk if we were early. She would cancel on seeing us 90% of the time if she had a better offer from friends, often at the last minute as I was heading out of the door. She cancelled on having DS for the day as she had been invited to her friend's son's birthday party instead. But now all of these friends have been cut off or have faded, she is now interested in wanting a relationship.

During covid she deleted WhatsApp in a strop and unplugged her house phone and then complained that no-one got in touch with her. She never contacted me to see how me and DD and DS were, just sent messages that she clearly had copied and pasted to everyone, telling us all about how she was OK but not asking about anyone else. She only got in touch with me in lockdown when she wanted something ordering from Amazon.

When we were on a night away with another relative in a hotel, she got paralytic and started criticising my parenting (!), so I went to bed to avoid an argument. The next day another relative told DGM she had offended me, but DGM refused to acknowledge this and instead sat in the back of my car (I had driven us there) and didn't speak to me the whole drive home. The next week was my birthday meal and she was still frosty and barely speaking to me even though she was the one who had started the argument.

There are so many more examples..... but that did felt rather cathartic to write down!

OP posts:

rickyrickygrimes · 15/11/2025 10:46

Are you good at setting boundaries and defending them? There's so much misunderstanding about LPA / POA. It does NOT mean you are signing up to take on an active caring role. It means that you have the authority to make decisions on behalf of someone who can no longer make them. But given the personalities and situation you have described I would be very very wary of getting more involved. It's already starting with her ramping up her demands and expectations and daily phone calls.

So again, I ask you, are you good at setting your boundaries and defending them? Is this something that you are good at?

What's the bigger picture here? What's her financial situation? Does she own her own house? Has she talked about her plans for when she can no longer live at home safely? Are there any care needs / carers involved at present? What did DN do for her - and are you planning to step into the breech? If not, who's going to do all the things that he used to? Not saying any of this is your responsibility at all - but you need to be clear on the magnitude of the job that she's lining you up for.

If no one takes LPA for her, then once she loses capacity decisions will be made by the SS rather than by a family member. is that the end of the world?

gallivantsaregood · 14/11/2025 19:54

victormeldrewcantbelieveit · 14/11/2025 19:51

I'm so sorry - I hope your Dad is better soon. I have a relative on dialysis and just that is brutal enough without any of the other health problems x

Show quote history

Thank you

Original poster

victormeldrewcantbelieveit · 14/11/2025 19:51

gallivantsaregood · 14/11/2025 17:51

@victormeldrewcantbelieveit it would all be a hard no from me I'm afraid. My gran sounds similar but is not suffering cognitive decline.

Today when my sisterand I refused to do something for her she rang my dad who is literally just out of hospital having had sepsis, he's on dialysis 3 times a week, almost blind and can barely walk, expecting him to do it for her! I had to tell him to say,"No". She is not going to change but her behaviour, which has been the same fir as long as I can remember has now put her in a position where none of us want to, nor are we prepared to do anything for her going forward. Sadly, it's her own doing and she will just need to accept the consequences of her, selfish, manipulating, emotionally abusive
behaviour.

I'm so sorry - I hope your Dad is better soon. I have a relative on dialysis and just that is brutal enough without any of the other health problems x

OP posts:

filka · 14/11/2025 18:03

I do think that if I do agree to LPA, DGM will assume that I will become default carer and will be expecting me to be on hand at all times ... especially now DN is out of the picture.

You have to think of an LPA as an authority to take decisions, not an appointment as a carer! If it seems that she needs a carer, suggest that she employs one... And, if the LPA is triggered, your decision may be to appoint a carer, paid for out of her funds.

gallivantsaregood · 14/11/2025 17:51

@victormeldrewcantbelieveit it would all be a hard no from me I'm afraid. My gran sounds similar but is not suffering cognitive decline.

Today when my sisterand I refused to do something for her she rang my dad who is literally just out of hospital having had sepsis, he's on dialysis 3 times a week, almost blind and can barely walk, expecting him to do it for her! I had to tell him to say,"No". She is not going to change but her behaviour, which has been the same fir as long as I can remember has now put her in a position where none of us want to, nor are we prepared to do anything for her going forward. Sadly, it's her own doing and she will just need to accept the consequences of her, selfish, manipulating, emotionally abusive
behaviour.

Original poster

victormeldrewcantbelieveit · 14/11/2025 11:39

I do think that if I do agree to LPA, DGM will assume that I will become default carer and will be expecting me to be on hand at all times ... especially now DN is out of the picture. She was incredibly difficult with him (such as demanding he came back early from holiday as she needed something collecting from the shop). From past experience I can say that if you give her an inch, she will take a mile and then complain you're not giving her two miles. DGM's actions are extremely retaliatory if you don't do what she wants - at one point she didn't speak to DGF for 3 days ... all because he didn't make her a cup of tea when she got home from work.

She has form for being a an opportunist - now that I am going to be ‘helpful’ to have around given DN’s absence, she has gone from contacting me every couple of weeks to every day.

OP posts:

EmotionalBlackmail · 14/11/2025 08:57

I’m afraid that SS had to rapidly unassume in our case!

I’m happy to set up standing orders for care, organise meal deliveries, buy clothes/toiletries online and get them sent to the person. But I haven’t got involved with hospital appointments, emergency admissions (other than on the phone).

CandidLurker · 13/11/2025 23:22

EmotionalBlackmail · 13/11/2025 21:32

Having the LPA doesn’t meant you have to be the person doing all the running around if they have a hospital admission or whatever. Read through what it actually means. Yes to managing finances as they would have wanted, and to knowing their wishes with regard to resuscitation and active treatment.
But none of that means you have to go and pick them up off the floor if they fall.

I agree with this and have frequently told the other LPA that being Attorneys does not mean we are default carers. However the reality is that this is what adult social services will assume..

EmotionalBlackmail · 13/11/2025 21:32

Having the LPA doesn’t meant you have to be the person doing all the running around if they have a hospital admission or whatever. Read through what it actually means. Yes to managing finances as they would have wanted, and to knowing their wishes with regard to resuscitation and active treatment.
But none of that means you have to go and pick them up off the floor if they fall.