80 year old neighbour won’t sit still despite back pain

I think your instincts are right. You can’t take this on for her but you might be able to steer her towards the right services. Having seen how my elderly mother was broken by caring for my father before she accepted help I’d say she needs support.

It's what you do when sitting down causes the most horrendous back pain the second you try and breathe, much less move.

Unless he has been specifically told to sit down and rest a lot, I think he is doing exactly the right thing. He’s presumably going to be in just as much pain if he is sitting around and it will probably actually feel worse if he has no activity to distract him from it. I don’t know what your neighbour thinks you can do about this, But I suspect there’s a bigger scenario and she is probably worried about their increasing age, general health, what would happen if he is hospitalised and she is left on her own etc etc. The only thing you can really suggest to her is that she speaks to their GP or community nurses or their family if they have any? Do they have children or younger family members who you ever see arrive or leave and could waylay?

next time she mentions it tell her to ask the GP, make sympathetic noises of course

I'm not really sure what your neighbour is expecting you to do about this? You're not his doctor and you're not in a position to do anything. You're his next door neighbour, not his social worker. She needs to talk to his GP.

If he can deal with the pain he's in, I'm not really sure why he shouldn't be as active as he likes. Unless you live in the Arctic, it's not cold at all, and even if it was more wintry, there's really nothing wrong with being outdoors in winter if you're moving around and keeping warm.

He's probably bored, fed up with his wife fussing and trying to move around a lot more because he's realised how old he is and, confronted with his own mortality, is subconsciously trying to prove to himself and to others that he's not a frail old man confined to armchair.

I think he's doing the right thing. When elderly people "give up" the decline is very rapid.

My 80 year old dad has chronic back pain and cannot sit still. It hurts when he walks around but it hurts more when he sits still. He just can't get comfortable.

Sitting around is the worst thing you can do for bad backs.

Far better he stays active.

You could buy her a tube of deep heat or voltarol for her to rub into his back. It would help her to feel as if she is doing something and might alleviate his symptoms without restricting his activity.
Sitting could well be uncomfortable for him, and keeping moving could be helpful . . .

Yes I don’t think you have to have lots of ideas. Maybe probe a bit on what she’s really worried about. Does she feel she has to follow him around in case he falls, and is it exhausting her? Would a pendant alarm help so she doesn’t have to be there all the time?

His wife is simply venting. You don’t need to get involved.

I think there is more to this than just restlessness. His wife is asking for help. Caring for someone with dementia ( which it sounds like) is unbelievably hard and lonely. Can you help her contact Adult Social Care and see if there is any help or support for her?

The best way to help your neighbour is to respect his autonomy. Turning 80 does not mean he has to hand over control of his life to his wife, concerned neighbours or anyone else.

Suggest that her that he could see a physio specialising in older people, to support him with his desire to keep active for as long as possible, specifically to address back pain, and also to work on his core strength and balance in order to reduce the risk of a fall.

In addition to the benifit that would do him, an outside expert giving him the green light to continue living as he wishes might also put his wife's mind to rest

Is he agitated, utis are quite common and can change people, suggest he sees a doctor

I agree but there would be an underlaying cause other than age or wear and tear. Any treatment may including things like ice pack, which he may choose not to do.

The best way not to be a fall risk is to stay active.

As long as he's not doing heavy work, lifting or digging an allotment or such like it will be good for him. I think his wife doesn't realise sitting all day would be really bad for his back. But he should get it checked by a gp, although it will almost certainly be ageing of the spine and/or arthritis so not much to do but take painkillers when necessary.

If he's anything like my 80-something mother, he has been prescribed painkillers for his back. But refuses to take them!

And that is his choice.

I echo everyone else that it’s good for his back to keep going. It’s also good for his general physical and mental health.

He should see GP about this back pain to find out the cause and how best to manage it.

I don't really see a) what the problem is and (kindly) b) why you think you should do anything about it.

It's important to stay active as you get older- my mum is the same. She occasionally has falls due to her disabilities and that is something I worry about, but I don't expect her to just sit in an armchair waiting for death either.

I don't think any of this points to him losing his mind, more that he's just an old man set in his ways who doesn't want to lose all his physical ability. I don't blame him.

Inactivity makes back pain worse- it is widely accepted that gentle movement helps a lot to manage back pain. Keeping still makes the problem worse.

But he should see a doctor to work out if there is an injury or just stiffness and find ways to help manage the pain.