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Elderly parents
Original poster

Old men and using the toilet ….?

85 replies

jwoo23 · 06/11/2025 22:25

Hello! Looking for advice from any care home workers that can advise on the best cleaning solutions for the gallons of urine that gets deposited around every lavatory in the house when both my elderly father or FIL come to stay!!!!!

They are both from a generation that would balk at the idea of a sit-down wee. Plus they don’t seem to ever even quite make it to the toilet in the middle of the night either, so the trail of urine quite often starts somewhere near the bathroom door! Not helped either by the fact that they both love a few drinks on regular occasion which exacerbates the issue!

I know age will get all of us, so I don’t want to be insensitive, and also, even if I didn’t care about being insensitive, mentioning it to either of these ‘characters’ would be fruitless. They wouldn’t change their ways even if they were initially embarrassed.

They can’t be in the minority? In my mind, therefore, care homes must have copious amounts of urine on the bottom of slippers and trodden in to all carpets?

When they come to stay I feel like I am constantly inspecting and cleaning whole puddles of piss from the seat, under the seat, behind the seat and all over the floor before I can get in and on with my own business. And worse, before I can let the toddler in the bathroom who would be oblivious to putting her hands in it as she climbs onto the toilet trying to be so independent!

Any advice? I have disinfectant and special pee only cleaning cloths stashed in each loo trying to be discrete but would be grateful to know how anyone else or those who work in a care home deal with this. It honestly takes up so much of my time when they’re here!

Thank you!

OP posts:
Pinkandpurple225533 · 13/11/2025 19:30

Meredusoleil · 06/11/2025 22:35

My late father used to do this. But not just with wee, with poo too. Not to scare you, but it can be a sign of prostate cancer which is the no. 1 killer in men. Have they been checked for this?

Edited

Hang on, prostate cancer is very common but not a big killer and definitely not number 1.

“Leading causes of death in males and females
Ischaemic heart diseases was the leading cause of death in males in England and Wales, unchanged from 2021, accounting for 38,730 male deaths (13.3%). The second most common cause of death for males was dementia and Alzheimers disease, accounting for 8.0% (23,332 deaths) of all male deaths registered. This has changed from COVID-19 in 2021, which was the sixth leading cause (12,219; 4.2% of all male deaths) in 2022.”

source: https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/deaths/bulletins/deathsregistrationsummarytables/2022

Deaths registered in England and Wales - Office for National Statistics

Registered deaths by age, sex, selected underlying causes of death and the leading causes of death; death rates and death registrations.

https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/deaths/bulletins/deathsregistrationsummarytables/2022

sprigatito · 13/11/2025 19:29

OLDERME · 13/11/2025 18:08

Would the old gentlemen use a bottle in the morning?
Would they be embarrassed to use incontinence products?

Also, are they in good health, infection, urinary tract etc. Have they spoken to their doctors about urgency when peeing?

Yes you have to clean it up, but I think you should also try to help them maintain their dignity.

Yes to the dignity! Good grief, you can really tell some of the posters on this thread have never cared for an elderly person. Berating, shaming, making them clean it up… won’t help and would be bloody horrible to boot.

Regular cleaning with decent non-eco cleaning products. Disinfectant wipes in the loo, frequent changes of hand towels and pedestal mats (if you use them, MN can be weird about that). Keeping a sense of perspective helps. We all get old and need a bit of extra grace eventually. They aren’t doing it for spite.

TheSpottedZebra · 13/11/2025 19:22

I'd be limiting the booze in my house, for sure. And I'd tell them why if they asked.

My dad was incontinent towards the end of his life. He was mentally quite well although his body was wrecked. He used incontinence products as and when he needed them (ie scaling up as he needed to), and cleaned as well as he could for as long as he could.

Drunk lazy pissing, and leaving it tonthe women to clean, is just that.

unsync · 13/11/2025 18:13

They will have enlarged prostates, possibly malignant. It's almost inevitable according to my father's urologist. It's usually something they die with rather than from. It does cause urgency, weak/sporadic flow and the weeing everywhere that you describe.

If they are ok taking medication, get them to have a prostate exam. If they are young enough, there are surgical procedures, otherwise it is medication. Encourage the use of incontinence pants even if only for night times. Get a good carpet cleaner and wash the carpets, frequently. Keep a mop and bucket in the loo. It's grim.

OLDERME · 13/11/2025 18:08

Would the old gentlemen use a bottle in the morning?
Would they be embarrassed to use incontinence products?

Also, are they in good health, infection, urinary tract etc. Have they spoken to their doctors about urgency when peeing?

Yes you have to clean it up, but I think you should also try to help them maintain their dignity.

Elderflouish · 13/11/2025 13:11

My mum was absolutely on it with my dad. And even at the end he maintained his dignity and presentation. I am so grateful to her.
My in-laws though. Carpet in all toilet areas. A history of weekly bathing whether they need it or not. A re-use rather than wash attitude to bedding, towels, clothing. No bins in bathrooms.
With age, this is all a perfect storm and we are all, including the grand children smelling the result.
It's such a shame but none of their kids, including DH, are going to tackle it. The nearest I got was bigging up the kitchen laminate and suggesting it for the nearest bathroom.
If either of them suffer from compression in the spine, hunched like MIL, that can press on nerves and cause swift loss of control.

I bring our bedding when we visit, limit overnights, use only one bathroom which I have a good go with disposable wipes and smuggle the used ones out in a dog poo bag. I am dreading going for Xmas already

My mum has a big stack of thin, grippy mats that she used to chuck down and wash, knowing her daily, on 60!

Original poster
jwoo23 · 12/11/2025 19:50

Thanks for the helpful comments. I’m very surprised to hear that this isn’t an issue in care homes??? There must be more cantankerous grumpy old OLD men than just the two in my family??!! Interesting about the bleach too. Care homes certainly do have a distinct smell.
Luckily it’s only on the bathroom vinyl and tiled floors so far. Although I can’t help but think there might be a small trail that starts on the carpet outside the bathroom. But I have a vax carpet washer so I can do them when I need to.
I have bleach and the pet outdoor neutralisers so I think the glove up and get on with it is the answer. Honestly, if they were younger I’d have no problem in telling them they were being unacceptable. It’s just frustrating that it’s every morning you know it’s going to be gross. It’s only going to get worse too I imagine.
My Mum uses a toilet rug in her house but I cringe as it must be so soaked in piss! So I keep me and my child well away from it when we go there! But Mum does the best she can at being clean and they do have a cleaner once a week.
Do carers in care homes tell people when they’re being really unhygienically clean? I know dementia is a different kettle of fish entirely, but do the cleaners have to adopt the same approach and just get on with it, or does anyone ever say, “John, you need to start sitting down to wee as you’re getting it everywhere and it’s not acceptable for everyone else to be cleaning up after you!!”??

OP posts:
Original poster
jwoo23 · 12/11/2025 19:38

BernardButlersBra · 07/11/2025 06:55

Get them to clean it up. Why should you need to do it?!

Eerrrrm yeah, I deliberately posted in elderly parents, not AIBU. Hope your family take a similar stance on you on when you’re old.

OP posts:
Original poster
jwoo23 · 12/11/2025 19:36

orangejacketlamp · 07/11/2025 21:41

My father in law does this when he stays it’s repulsive and I try not to let it affect my opinion of him but alas it does. Because there is no way he doesnt know he is pissing himself as he walks to the toilet so he is fine with pissing all over the carpet his grandkids crawl on, then leaving a puddle of piss for everyone to stand in. It’s repulsive and your mum and you have made it so they just don’t care, someone else will clean it up

Thing is I think my FIL would be embarrassed if he was told, but not embarrassed enough to change his ways. Especially when drunk. And ultimately they can’t help it first thing in the morning. They’re both slow and uncoordinated especially in the mornings.

OP posts:
1apenny2apenny · 10/11/2025 22:13

As a starting point I would be telling DH to clean up after his father and you do yours. In this situation I’d look at pet stuff.

Eareye · 10/11/2025 21:59

Hmmmn I was a nurse at a care home until recently and it was very rarely that our elderly residents with full MC and mobility had this problem. I would suggest using a washable loo mat .

Allseeingallknowing · 10/11/2025 21:54

ScaryM0nster · 10/11/2025 21:52

a few of those u shaped bathroom floor mats might help limit the spread.

the basic towel style ratger than deep pile

They’d hold the smell, and need constant washing. Perhaps use puppy pads

ScaryM0nster · 10/11/2025 21:52

a few of those u shaped bathroom floor mats might help limit the spread.

the basic towel style ratger than deep pile

Allseeingallknowing · 10/11/2025 21:47

MyGirlDaisy · 10/11/2025 21:15

Vivactive products from Age UK work really well. For those saying it’s disgusting I understand where you are coming from but honestly it could happen to any of us in old age it sometimes just can’t be helped. I used to just glove up and crack on, there are worse things.

I couldn’t put up with constant spillages .They’d have to wear pads , surely better than peeing everywhere. It would be constant smelling of pee despite every measure to counteract it.,

Rubyupbeat · 10/11/2025 21:41

My mum used to use a dog neutraliser when my Dad got older and careless, 'Urine off' is a good one. Their house never smelt of pee at all. You have to stay on top of it though.

MyGirlDaisy · 10/11/2025 21:15

Vivactive products from Age UK work really well. For those saying it’s disgusting I understand where you are coming from but honestly it could happen to any of us in old age it sometimes just can’t be helped. I used to just glove up and crack on, there are worse things.

Barnestine · 10/11/2025 21:07

Christ, I couldn’t wear that. They both need a firm word and a continence assessment. Have they got capacity? Their own houses must reek.

mamagogo1 · 08/11/2025 16:39

Pet cleaner! Also make sure you have double layer of mattress protection just in case (a thick all plastic one designed for very young/disabilities then a normal quilted one on top to disguise it)

DisplayPurposesOnly · 08/11/2025 16:38

I watch a lot of cleaning videos on Facebook and they all recommend shaving foam for urine smell.

EmotionalBlackmail · 08/11/2025 16:32

Do they have to come and stay? Could you end the visits and go to see them (maybe stay in a hotel so you can avoid using their bathroom?)

It sounds revolting and not fair on your children. Or you, for that matter.

Or could they wear incontinence pants if they’re visiting you?

HappyToSmile · 08/11/2025 10:26

I'd look for kennel disinfectant. I got some from ebay in bulk and its great

caringcarer · 07/11/2025 22:28

Use a steam mop and make sure vynal floors. I agree pet urine cleaners plus a drop of zoflora.

Allseeingallknowing · 07/11/2025 22:20

donaldtrumpsfaketandealer · 07/11/2025 21:28

Aldi cheap disinfectant saved my carpets after a similar situation here. Not just a cursory spray and wipe though. Buy it by the bottle and pour it on until the offending area is absolutely sodden. And then leave it to dry or at a minimum for the contact time recommended on the back of the bottle (think its 15 mins for the Aldi one).
Failing that you can buy urine neutraliser in 5l bottles on Amazon. Read the instructions and again it has a contact time it has to be left undisturbed for before being cleaned up.
And get rid of the pee only cloths. Unless they are being washed on a 90 degree wash after every use they are going to harbour bacteria and potentially make things worse. Use kitchen roll instead.

It would take hours to dry and the smell of urine and disinfectant would be vile

Allseeingallknowing · 07/11/2025 22:15

Couldn’t put up with that! Tactfully suggest pads, and sitting to pee. No more coming to stay either just short visits. The home will smell horrible very quickly

ChaliceinWonderland · 07/11/2025 21:41

My stepdad did this, made my mum clear it up.