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Original poster

Mum refusing food & drink in hospital, what happens next?

85 replies

Mini712 · 29/10/2025 18:06

My DM has been in hospital for a week for dehydration & breathlessness. She had been refusing food & drink at home which why she ended up in hospital. She agreed to go into hospital as my DD & GP told her it would be for one day!
She went on a drip for a day & the cardiac team tweaked her meds & prescribed a high doses of vitamin D for the breathlessness but so far we have seen no improvement and if anything she is getting worse. She is now saying she is unable to stand without support & is pretty much declining most food and more worryingly fluids. The nurses think it’s behaviour & are getting frustrated with her because they think she is not cooperating deliberately. Dad & I have desperately been trying to encourage her to eat & drink but she makes up excuses or just says no. The general medical team are trying to find out what’s wrong but all her bloods are fine & her CT scan that she had in July is clear.
What will the hospital do if she continues to not eat or drink? She doesn’t have a diagnosis for dementia but clearly something is not right!

OP posts:
Jaffaisitacakeorbiscuit · 29/10/2025 18:46

Mirtazepine is often used for depressed older people with depression because it increases appetite.
Might be worth asking if there is a mental health liaison team who can review her?

Original poster
Mini712 · 29/10/2025 18:43

@PermanentTemporary no not yet. No one from the medical team have mentioned EOL.

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 29/10/2025 18:41

Has she had a review with the palliative care team?

Palliative care are consultants are God-tier at getting the picture on whether someone has had enough and just wants to be left alone, which might be the case. Sometimes though, asking the medics for a referral causes everyone to up their game a bit.

Original poster
Mini712 · 29/10/2025 18:39

@DarkLion refusing the fortified drinks too

OP posts:
Original poster
Mini712 · 29/10/2025 18:37

Mum is 79, so not that old. About a month ago the GP assessed her and she did show as moderately depressed but again she refused any medication or help.
She has had a lack of appetite for months now but in the last two weeks it has got much worse and she is only eating a few mouthfuls and this has continued in hospital.
We have tried everything, but she just says she doesn’t fancy anything & isn’t hungry. She says she wants to get out of hospital but can’t seem to grasp that they won’t release her until she starts eating & drinking. The doctors have taken more bloods & are re looking at the CT scan but we have had no one see her today.

OP posts:
Screwyoucolin · 29/10/2025 18:28

It would depend on her frailty. I presume she has heart failure from what you are describing. Is is advanced? If her bloods are all ok then I would not think she has an infection.

Sadly some elderly people do decide to 'give up' and refuse diet and fluids. As pp have said IV / SC fluids can be given but if she is refusing and her heart failure cannot be brought under control then she may be heading towards palliative care. Does she have a respect form?

DarkLion · 29/10/2025 18:22

If it continues there’s not really a lot we can do in elderly medicine. It would depend if appropriate for artificial feeding but if she’s refusing, she may well just pull out NG tubes and they’re not a long term solution. There’s only really so much iv fluids you can give and sometimes after iv fluids when patients have dehydration and infection they pick up, sometimes it’s just their new baseline but once they start refusing food and fluids they start to decline as it’s an endless cycle of fluids enough to be fit for discharge, readmitted again with dehydration. You do have to remember however that appetite does tend to be low as they’re not using as much calories as they used to, so in the meantime whilst waiting to see if they pick up, we literally recommend relatives bring in anything! We don’t worry too much about balanced diets as long as they’re eating and drinking something, be it their favourite snacks, cakes etc at home. Has she had a dietician assessment to consider calogen and fortisip type drinks or is she refusing those too?

Rictasmorticia · 29/10/2025 18:22

Could you take her in some ice lollies or ice cream, that might tempt her. My mum would not eat the hospital food but she did suck on some chocolate.

How old is your mum as it does sound like depression.

i don’t think the nurses should be getting frustrated as they must know this behaviour is quite common. As to what happens next. They are likely to continue with the fluids intreveniously. My mum lived for 4 weeks on just fluids this way.

My heart goes out to you as I know how powerless you must feel.

Anditstartedagain · 29/10/2025 18:17

Is she old or frail? Is she depressed or wanting to die?

RedRosie · 29/10/2025 18:16

Sorry to hear that @Mini712 I'm not an expert but do have (very) elderly parents and didn't want to leave you unanswered.

That is worrying. Could she have an infection? That often makes older people act out of character. My own mum is currently in hospital after a fall, and is just recovering from an urinary infection which caused all sorts of issues and confusions, even though she doesn't have dementia.

Presumably the hospital will support with fluids etc. Can you speak to an actual doctor?

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