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Elderly parents

Mum refusing food & drink in hospital, what happens next?

85 replies

Mini712 · 29/10/2025 18:06

My DM has been in hospital for a week for dehydration & breathlessness. She had been refusing food & drink at home which why she ended up in hospital. She agreed to go into hospital as my DD & GP told her it would be for one day!
She went on a drip for a day & the cardiac team tweaked her meds & prescribed a high doses of vitamin D for the breathlessness but so far we have seen no improvement and if anything she is getting worse. She is now saying she is unable to stand without support & is pretty much declining most food and more worryingly fluids. The nurses think it’s behaviour & are getting frustrated with her because they think she is not cooperating deliberately. Dad & I have desperately been trying to encourage her to eat & drink but she makes up excuses or just says no. The general medical team are trying to find out what’s wrong but all her bloods are fine & her CT scan that she had in July is clear.
What will the hospital do if she continues to not eat or drink? She doesn’t have a diagnosis for dementia but clearly something is not right!

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Laffydaffy · 10/11/2025 06:19

That was so quick. So very sorry, OP 💐

Magnificentkitteh · 09/11/2025 17:27

I am so sorry for your loss OP. It sounds like she was making the most of life for as lonh as she reasonably could. I'm glad you were able to be with her at the end.

softstone · 09/11/2025 17:01

So sorry for your loss OP.

Blushingm · 09/11/2025 16:44

Mini712 · 29/10/2025 18:43

@PermanentTemporary no not yet. No one from the medical team have mentioned EOL.

Wrong thread sorry

Rictasmorticia · 09/11/2025 16:39

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your mum. Sending you love❤️

Anditstartedagain · 09/11/2025 15:58

Mini712 · 09/11/2025 15:51

@Anditstartedagain thank you for your kind words.
I’m staying at my parents house and I’m surrounded by Mum. Seeing her slippers by the side of the bed just sets me off all over again😢

From now until the funeral is particularly odd space and time. I hope you’re able to take the time of work you need. GPs will normally issue a sick note.

PermanentTemporary · 09/11/2025 15:52

Ach im so sorry for your loss. I hope that you feel a sense of her being at peace. 💐

Mini712 · 09/11/2025 15:51

@Anditstartedagain thank you for your kind words.
I’m staying at my parents house and I’m surrounded by Mum. Seeing her slippers by the side of the bed just sets me off all over again😢

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Anditstartedagain · 09/11/2025 15:45

I am so sorry for your loss. You must all be exhausted. For me the second day was when everything felt real.

There is a really good bereavement board on MN full of helpful and kind people.

For now, try and be gentle and kind to yourself.

Mini712 · 09/11/2025 15:41

Mum passed away peacefully yesterday with her family around her.
We didn’t get a formal diagnosis but the neurologist suggested that Mum was in the final stages of motor neurone disease. Medically she had come to the end of the road.
It’s been an incredibly tough 3 weeks but we are grateful that Mum had a peaceful & pain free death with her family by her side.

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GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 04/11/2025 23:02

Personally I hate to see elderly people being badgered and pestered to eat and drink when they no longer want to. I used to see it in my DM’s care home - albeit with the best intentions, I know - but it was upsetting to see people crying and whimpering and turning their heads away. True, 79 is not all that old nowadays - I’m not so far off that age myself, but I do think people who have lost control of so much of their life should be allowed that choice.

Re the fortified drinks, BTW, by all accounts they’re mostly pretty foul.

Rictasmorticia · 04/11/2025 21:59

i am so sorry to read your update❤️

Mini712 · 04/11/2025 21:43

@whatohwhattodo I completely understand. I’m sorry you went through this with your Mum too❤️.

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whatohwhattodo · 04/11/2025 21:39

This sounds similar to my mum. She was 81. She had been going slowly downhill for quite a few months - just generally a bit depressed and not well but nothing picked up on scans. She was in hospital for a couple of months after a fall and broken arm and really again stopped eating and drinking much. She came out but went back in 7/8 weeks later - she was unable to really stand or walk at all although we attributed led it to being in so long before.

we did manage to establish that time that she was having difficulty swallowing.

She didn’t engage with physio and like your case the staff were getting frustrated. What also became clear though was she was actually losing mobility in arms as well as legs - she couldn’t quite seem to make them work. Eventually there was a provisional diagnosis of dementia although they never did any ct scans to confirm it. She also kept getting chest infections / pneumonia / collapsed lung.

I definately felt like she had given up mentally for quite some time.

it was quite horrible to see her so disengaged and nothing we could do:

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 04/11/2025 21:16

Just wanted to say thinking of you ❤️

Mini712 · 04/11/2025 20:56

Hi @PermanentTemporary . We haven’t had a MG diagnosis yet so no SALT swallowing assessment. Also she is on a ventilator so I can’t imagine it will be done until she is able to breathe unaided.

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Mini712 · 04/11/2025 20:23

@ItsAllGoingToBeFine Mum in ICU now on a ventilator. Turns out that she may have a rare autoimmune condition which has caused her symptoms, including not eating. We are hoping with the correct medication her appetite will come back.

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PermanentTemporary · 04/11/2025 20:23

If she has MG has she had a SALT swallowing assessment?

Magnificentkitteh · 04/11/2025 20:21

Sending you strength OP. It's a rollercoaster.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 04/11/2025 20:18

If the "special drinks" are Ensure they are rank. Does she have any favourite foods or drinks?
At his stage it's not about a balanced diet, it's about trying to get calories and liquids in. Ultimately though, as others have said, she may just feel like she wants to go now.

Mini712 · 04/11/2025 20:17

@Bunnycat101 I feel your pain. Having this outlet to share experiences with others in a similar situation has been a life line for me❤️

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Mini712 · 04/11/2025 20:13

Thank you for asking @Rictasmorticia ❤️. Mum still in ICU. Not got Covid anymore but now has tested positive for MRSA!
The other development is that the ICU consultants think they have a diagnosis for her breathlessness & her loss of strength… a rare autoimmune condition called Myasthenia gravis which has now turned into Myasthenia Crisis. Just waiting for tests results to get a formal diagnosis. Mum is still very ill & we aren’t out of the woods by a long shot. If this is what Mum has got, it makes me even more upset how the nurses on her ward were saying Mum’s lack of cooperation was behavioural and they were getting ready to discharge her home!

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Magnificentkitteh · 04/11/2025 19:32

Totally hear you on that bunny at. Most of my dm's symptoms are to do with malnutrition caused by failure to eat, and I think it's too late to halt that damage, but she doesn't act like someone who is wanting to die - renewing her passport, badgering doctors for appointments about said symptoms, It's a headfuck really.

Bunnycat101 · 04/11/2025 19:17

We are having a nightmare with this. 3 months of not eating resulting in an NG tube and now she decides she will eat to get the tube out but the state she’s in, I think well now be looking at a slower and more prolonged decline . Probably worst of both worlds as quality of life is now very low. I was convinced I’d be planning a funeral right now but now trying to plan care homes. The emotional roller coaster is just mentally exhausting.

OP I hope your mum isn’t suffering too much with the covid. It is terribly worrying when you’re trying to manage very ill parents.

Rictasmorticia · 04/11/2025 18:13

Hi Op, I was just wondering how your mum and your dad are doing❤️

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