Elderly PIL

27 replies

WinterNightStars · 20/10/2025 16:38

Just after thoughts / advice really. DH is an only one & we live 2hr drive away - forced move due to redundancy 20+ years ago. We both still work, have our own health probs. Our adult DC live in same area as us. With the best will in the world we can’t be there daily or possibly even weekly & it’s a real concern what the future will bring.
PIL are in their 80’s, live in bungalow, no outside help as yet. Neither are particularly well, MIL especially is very up & down. Neither would cope on their own if something happened to the other.
They like the area we live in & have spent a lot of leisure time around here. It would obviously be a huge upheaval if they were to move but both can see the positives of it in that we would be closer, able to help out, especially when one is on their own.
Just interested in experiences & perspectives of those in a similar position. How did you balance the long distance & caring with still working etc.
Thanks in advance.

OP posts:

Holesintheground · 20/10/2025 16:57

If they are willing to move, that's a plus as many older people aren't. So I'd look at moving them ASAP, into a bungalow or even sheltered housing near you, which will make the next few years a lot easier. Get a place that will still work as they become more limited in what they do.

Topseyt123 · 20/10/2025 16:54

My sister and I have to do this with our mother, who is in her nineties, partially sighted, hearing and mobility impaired. My sister lives about 1.5 hours away and I live almost 3 hours away.

My mother has to have carers three (sometimes four) times a day, which she self funds. It's the only way as we just cannot be there enough. My sister visits each weekend for a few hours and I visit for a long weekend (Friday to Monday) usually every three weeks. We take her to do her shopping while we are there and if for any reason we just can't do it she gives a list to one of her carers.

My mother has no wish to move from her house. That's fine for now because it is a bungalow so all on one level. The only steps are a couple of small ones getting in and out and she only does those if someone is there guiding her. She wants to stay there surrounded by her memories of my Dad, who died 4 years ago. It does have a sizeable garden which she has to pay a gardener to do, and her care company also provides cleaners.

It's expensive, but there's no choice and we are fortunate that she can afford it.

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