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OldTime · 27/12/2025 11:14

GB is currently with my mum. They have rewritten the events and timescale when my dad died, that I remember and DH confirms, to something unrecognisable.
18 months on and the quite unpleasant for all of his life man has been fast tracked for sainthood.
There's not enough food and drink in a Christmas fridge to stomach that one.

Mumbles12 · 27/12/2025 11:12

countrygirl99 · 27/12/2025 09:27

I'll never forgive GB for the way he behaved the day dad died. Mum phoned about 4.30 am to say the hospital had rung and dad had died. I got there before 6. DB2 who also lived about an hour away arrived soon after. GB who lived 5 minutes away in traffic didn't go round until the evening despite us phoning several times to say mum was very distressed and asking for him. His excuse was he had a plumber coming about a leak. There were 2 other adults in the house who could have dealt with the plumber. Eventually SIL answered his phone and said he was too upset to come because he'd lost his dad, like me and DB2 hadn't.

There's really no coming back from that is there...

countrygirl99 · 27/12/2025 09:27

I'll never forgive GB for the way he behaved the day dad died. Mum phoned about 4.30 am to say the hospital had rung and dad had died. I got there before 6. DB2 who also lived about an hour away arrived soon after. GB who lived 5 minutes away in traffic didn't go round until the evening despite us phoning several times to say mum was very distressed and asking for him. His excuse was he had a plumber coming about a leak. There were 2 other adults in the house who could have dealt with the plumber. Eventually SIL answered his phone and said he was too upset to come because he'd lost his dad, like me and DB2 hadn't.

Dormit · 27/12/2025 09:01

@countrygirl99golden balls sounds insufferable. I’m glad you are looking after yourself. Let him do the work. My sister is blocked after similar issues.

Mum is being discharged home today and I hope they don’t cock it up like last time. The quality of the nursing on that ward is terrible. I’ve got no tolerance for nurses who are asked for pain relief and after an hour still haven’t done it. Some nurses shouldn’t be nurses.

Mumbles12 · 27/12/2025 06:15

So good that you have a sensible brother too @countrygirl99 . Goldenballs sounds an absolutely misery to deal with. Hopefully your email will shock him.

countrygirl99 · 27/12/2025 00:14

I have not only told him, I've emailed the care agency to let them know that he will need to liaise with him about how to cover the stuff I did. I shall still visit mum but it will be purely social and I'm in contact sensible brother. I forwarded the horrific email I got this evening to him so he's fully informed of what's happened. His opinion of goldenballs is the same as mine but he just ignores his demands whereas Itell him where to go.
According to goldenballs I don't do anything except for the things I do wrong and I don't know anything about anything so should just do what he says because he's perfect. Except he has been spectacularly wrong over 2 major safety issues in the last few days and I was right and only the care company have made him do the right thing.

Choconuttolata · 26/12/2025 22:22

@countrygirl99 I hope you told him that seeing as by virtue of having golden balls he clearly knows best he can deal with it all from now on.

My DB has been useless today, says my DF sounds fine when he is clearly worse, but I was at work so what he really meant is I don't want to deal with it so I will leave it so it falls to you tomorrow on your day off rather than actually helping as per usual. Also told DH he doesn't think DF is showing signs of dementia despite not seeing him for months. DH asked him how would he know as he doesn't see him!

SleafordSods · 26/12/2025 22:07

I’m so sorry @countrygirl99. It’s so hard when your family are being total dicks isn’t it?

countrygirl99 · 26/12/2025 19:08

DS2 has just asked if I'm safe with knitting needles at the moment 😆.

countrygirl99 · 26/12/2025 19:06

Things have come to a real head. Apparently I should be doing everything because I have a vagina. Blocking has occurred.

SleafordSods · 26/12/2025 07:03

@GnomeDePlumeI hope you manage to find a solution. If they insist she gets out of bed for some time can your DM be given some pain relief before they move her? Have they worked with a Phsio and an OT firstly to see if moving her wheb she’s in so much pain is actually beneficial and secondly to find the least painful way of manoeuvring her?

@MysterOfwomanYyou must be so stressed. I hope you get some down time today.

And yes you’re right. I’ve been absolutely convinced he’d go on Christmas Day just around the time everyone used to gather at their house. I don’t know why and yes, I really wish I was wrong.

MysterOfwomanY · 26/12/2025 00:35

@rookiemere God no don't feel guilty, enjoy it while they're both there to keep each other company!
Just over a year ago I had plans which require doing all the rellie-visits before or after Xmas. Hah well that's not happening.
Had a successful day going down to my rellie and feeding her. She's still recovering from her chest infection but by and large seemed okay.
Our Xmas now starts tomorrow (looks at time - today - oops - we came home and zonked out ) - we haven't even got a tree up yet.

@SleafordSods the one time you didn't want to be right :(

PermanentTemporary · 25/12/2025 15:22

Oh I’m sorry @SleafordSods - expected but still sad. Hope you are doing ok.

Choconuttolata · 25/12/2025 14:28

Sorry to hear of your FIL's passing @SleafordSods 💐

countrygirl99 · 25/12/2025 14:25

@SleafordSods 💐. A friend's FIL died yesterday, so difficult when everyone else is jolly.

Original poster
GnomeDePlume · 25/12/2025 13:56

@SleafordSods condolences to you💐

OP posts:
Mumbles12 · 25/12/2025 12:53

@SleafordSods condolences to you and your family.

Dormit · 25/12/2025 12:42

@SleafordSodsI'm so sorry Flowers

StillNiceCardigan · 25/12/2025 12:16

@SleafordSods Flowers

Harassedevictee · 25/12/2025 12:00

SleafordSods · 25/12/2025 11:32

Just had the call. DFIL has sadly died.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

Harassedevictee · 25/12/2025 11:59

@GnomeDePlume better for who? I hope you can make the CH do what is really best for your DM.

SleafordSods · 25/12/2025 11:32

Just had the call. DFIL has sadly died.

countrygirl99 · 25/12/2025 10:15

Oh @GnomeDePlume that is so tough. I hope you get them to see sense.

rookiemere · 25/12/2025 10:04

Oh gosh @GnomeDePlume sounds ludicrous to force DM into a wheelchair, you’re absolutely right to veto that.

Original poster
GnomeDePlume · 25/12/2025 09:53

@SleafordSods I hope you can have a peaceful day.

@rookiemere enjoy your escape.

We are now in a difficult position and for once DB and I are in agreement.

DM is now very weak. The CH are insistent that DM should be got up each day and put into her wheelchair. Their view is that staying in bed will hasten the end.

Problem is that DM cannot stand unaided or for more than a few moments. Getting into the wheelchair causes her pain. Then after a few hours in her wheelchair she is in more pain but doesnt want the greater pain of being returned to bed. This is what leads to the angry outbursts.

DB and I would rather DM be allowed to stay in bed and not encouraged to get into her wheelchair. We would rather DM had quality over quantity of life.

The CH and specifically one nurse are very insistent on the getting up even though they recognise the pain it causes her on the grounds that it is 'better' for DM.

I am wondering whether DB and I need to put it in writing to say that DM should no longer be encouraged/made to get up into her wheelchair.

OP posts:
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