Cockroach cafe Winter 2025

@rookiemere sounds as if you have done way over the call of duty already. Hope you have a good day today.

Merry Christmas everyone. I've decided to mute the group chat and just communicate directly with sensible brother who is collecting mum this morning for lunch at theirs. 3 hour round trip to do twice when goldenballs is at his DC 5 minutes walk from mum's.

I hope everyone has as good a Christmas as is possible.

I am feeling very guilty as spent the day with DPs on 23rd - hospital visit, food shopping, DH and DS took out DF and I had lunch with housebound DM - but have now escaped down to SIL for Christmas and currently sitting in Premier Inn.

I am sure from some of the other threads I am the worst person in the world, but it’s been such a hard year and DPs spend a lot of time shouting at each other now as DF can’t understand DM, which I find really hard to be around. There are no other relatives to pop in so there we go. They aren’t big on Christmas anyway and I will visit again in the next couple of days. The nurse at the hospital recognised me from last visit with DM ( DF this time) and said I deserved to enjoy my Christmas.

I wouldn’t leave one on their own and I have said that to DF, who knows where will be by this time next year.

Merry Christmas everyone. Yesterday I managed to go to the care where DA & DU are and drop off presents although I didn’t go in as I don’t think I’m fully recovered from the flu. DU has a Chest Infection and is sadly confined to his room. Spoke to DA and she’s a bit down, worried about him obviously and didn’t want to join in the Christmas Party as “she’s had enough of Christmas”.

Meanwhile it looks as though DFIL is reaching the end. We’ve already had one call yesterday to say that it’s the end but it was a bit of a false alarm. Neither DH or DSIL want to sit with him as he passes, for various reasons. It’s all a bit sad.

I’ve been predicting for a while that he would finally die on Christmas Day, he always has liked everything to be about him

So Merry Christmas to everyone on here. May the dramas be few.

Sibling and I each visited mum in her care home separately today. And early evening they were going to be singing carols by candlelight, which I'm sure she will love.

I'm sorry, but that did make me laugh. Enjoy your break. It sounds lovely

I'm sorry, but that did make me laugh. Enjoy your break. It sounds lovely

@funnelfan care home stories like that make me feel so much more confident of the thought of my mum going into a care setting. It’s clear on here that there are good ones around and hopefully when the time comes we can find a good one

Merry Christmas everyone! I visited mum in her home today and it was very pleasant, they had all the capable residents peeling spuds and prepping sprouts for tomorrow while singing festive songs. I got a card “from” mum with a nice picture of her inside. And I noticed that their lovely tree baubles had each one inscribed with the name and dates of previous residents so they were remembered. Got something in my eye at that point.

Merry Christmas everyone I hope you can find some joy in the next few days. We've escaped and are sitting in our hotel by a log fire and enjoying a drink. BIL sent a photo of MIL on an outing today and she looks like she's hating every minute.

@Choconuttolata festive Solidarité. FIL loves a good ambulance run at times like Christmas and other peoples’ birthdays. He’s been faffing with his catheter this week, which usually ends with an ambulance, but for some reason BIL has decided to spend tomorrow with him so they can crack on.

Merry Christmas to everyone, I hope you all find some happy moments.

Just came to say Happy Christmas to everyone. I haven't been popping in much on this thread because things seem to be running smoothly at the moment. Mum likes the carers that I have set up for her and has even increased one of them to an extra day.

After the puppy incident (someone that Mum knows fosters for the DSPCA and gave her a puppy. It was all kinds of awful in every way that you can imagine.) she got one of the carers to bring her to the DSPCA and she managed to get through the approval process and now she has an absolutely perfect older dog whose elderly owner had to go into a home.

Mum's short term memory is now extremely variable, sometimes she can't hold information for even 5 minutes. Which is mostly fine as we just treat it as part of the conversation as if it's the first time that she's asked the question or made the comment but gets a bit wearing if it's something that she is being both wrong and argumentative about, for instance phoning me to come and pick her up to do a thing when the thing has already been done or doesn't need to be done.

@Choconuttolata sending sympathy and strength. FIL always used to manage to create chaos around Christmas when services weren't available by sheer obstinacy and refusal to do the sensible thing.

The inevitable crisis for Christmas seems to be upon us. After refusing to go to hospital on Friday which would have led to earlier treatment DF is now looking worse. DH went up there today and it is clear he needs a medical review, GP now shut until Monday so we have told him that it will be A&E in the morning as 111 OOH will just send him there anyway with how his breathing is because of the cardiac issues complicating everything they will want an ECG and chest xray. Oxygen levels okay so does not need to be tonight, but seems that Christmas Day will be spent in A&E.

DH went to the shop for him and came back to DF trying to convince the carer to give him his rescue antibiotics (he thought they were steroids) because he wants to avoid going into hospital. He isn't meant to start them unless he has a fever or is coughing up gunky stuff. I am now buying a lock box because he clearly can't be trusted around medication.

Another stinking row with goldenballs today. Except I know what I'm talking about (DHs job to know and I'm checking with him) and he could easily check on Google before spouting utter bollocks. He doesn't like me knowing more than him so he's doubling down. Have muted group chat for the duration as I can't be arsed to argue any more.

She never phoned me back about mum’s discharge.
I'm chilling with my Ds watching our favourite band knowing mum is being looked after.

I wish you all the best Christmas possible considering the varied but ultimately difficult circumstances we all find ourselves in. May those of you grieving find comfort in happy memories. For those still in the thick of it there’s wine and festive food and hugs coming to you from me. Take care of yourselves 🎄

The discharge coordinator has phoned me to say they want to send mum home tomorrow. Yes, Christmas Day. There’s no food in, no transport arranged, our Christmas Day is arranged around visiting mum and I want to bloody relax not be stressed about her at home. She’s not even been to the loo independently yet. Fucking imbeciles. Medically fit does not equate to safe to go home and be independent outside of three calls a day which would be for meals. So how I’m feeling very stressed. I’ve told them I won’t be doing any care at all over Christmas. Oh and apparently my sister is pissed off I didn’t tell her how mum was after the surgery. My brother could have told her or she could have phoned the hospital herself. I have no responsibility to have anything to do with her and she’s quite capable of finding out for herself.

About to start cooking (pre-cooking? Prepping?) Xmas lunch to take down tomorrow.
I'm sure it'll be fine.
No more travelling after tomorrow... fingers crossed.

Good news @countrygirl99 both on the driving and the care front with GB.

The progression of her dementia will be up and down won't it @GnomeDePlume I hope your DB understands that a little more now. At least she is more settled for now.

I think DF might have taken the rescue pack of steroids himself after I told him Respiratory stated he needed a medical review before starting them. They are suspiciously missing after I told him this on Friday when he stated he might need some more soon. Care company have not started them and no one has given him any since early December 🤔

Goldenballs has caved over the need to spend money after the care company manager said exactly the same things I did. He got scared they were going to pull out. Clearly doesn't think I have that option so my views don't matter.

Good news about your husband @countrygirl99!

DM doesnt want to eat now. My view is that we dont push it

You're instinct is right.

People with advanced dementia do not seem to feel hunger.
Trying to persuade them to eat (by offering food all the time) is counter-intuitive to our instincts - we naturally try to encourage ill people to eat.

But of course, sometimes there's no real hope of recovery, and that's when it's not a good idea to do this.

DH has been given the all clear to start driving again which is great news. Just in time to do o the late night run to the airport last Friday to pick up DS2 and DIL 😁.
I had a lovely day in the Peak District with them yesterday revisiting Mam Tor where they got engaged.
Been up to see mum today and found a couple issues that I won't be able to deal with until after Christmas so I'm trying not to get too stressed about them. Having to argue the toss about the most important one because it will cost £250 to £300 to sort properly and he's trying to argue it isn't necessary. Except it's a massive safety issue and took up about 90 minutes of my time today getting an emergency engineer out to check.

@GnomeDePlumeas awful as it is having to make the decision i do agree wirh you on not encouraging her to eat.

If she doesn’t want to eat she may be well be losing the capability to chew and swallow food safely which poses both risks of choking and chest infections developing. Not eating is also a natural stage of Dementia, even if it’s horrible to experience.