How can I help my parents, dad has terminal cancer

Just reiterating that making a Will is a priority.

As others have said, unfortunately it may too late to register a POA for him, I helped my Dad set one up a few years ago and it took about three months to be processed and registered-it’s not valid until that happens.

wishing you all the best. 💐

Others have already highlighted that this isn't correct however if their home is owned with them both names on the deeds as joint tenants then the house does not form part of that £322,000 limit, as this phrasing on the deeds means that the whole property is wholly owned by both people and when one dies it becomes wholly owned by the survivor without being passed as an inheritance. Therefore only the non-house assets count as part of the £322,000. If the phrasing on the deeds is Tenants in Common then generally (unless another % specified) they each own 50%, your mum already owns half and only the 50% belonging to your dad counts towards the £322,000. If the house deeds only name your dad then the whole value is counted of course.

Depending on his prognosis he may be eligible for Fast track continuing healthcare which is free care from the NHS.

Even if he doesn't qualify for this yet your mum may benefit from a Carers assessment from Adult Social care and this may provide some funds for a 'sitting service' if she is worried about leaving him.

Actually, sorry OP, I've remembered a couple of situations that make me rethink the "sole name" bit - to an extent anyway.
My elderly relative had a few health scares so her husband transferred all the accounts into his name, assuming she would go first.

In hindsight joint names would have been a much better idea - we spent a lot of time after his death ringing up all the bereavement helplines to get accounts transferred to her. Hey ho. In your case your Dad sounds pretty likely to go first... but having said what I did about transferring stuff, on second thoughts, the essentials being in joint names covers the unexpected.
Like when my GM - very healthy - just died suddenly, leaving her frail, unwell husband to survive her...

Best of luck anyway.

My Dad died in 2024 of oesophageal cancer. I’m sorry OP. It can be very quick towards the end.
Care for him: emergency drugs at home, Respect form, Numbers for Goldline or similar, plan for last days- eg hospice (push for this if possible).
Ask him his wishes- hymns, readings, burial/ cremation, resting place. Morbid but we actually had a lovely but tearful morning planning my Dad’s- it’s a bittersweet but treasured memory. Yes choose an undertaker.
Then yes a will - this is urgent! A bit of IHT planning. If tenants in common he could will his had of the house directly to you and your siblings which can be good planning sometimes.
Definitely all bills, utilities etc into her name- it will make life so much easier! Get POA for yourself on your mum to gain access to the bank account - if you have that kind of relationship. It’s so helpful for us as my mum struggles with online banking so I do it for her.
Credit card in her name is a must! My mum was so upset to learn that she no longer had one as she was second cardholder on my Dad’s. I set her one up with M&S bank and take her to spend her reward vouchers every now and again.
I sold his car before he died as my mum doesn’t drive.

Gets my goat how Macmillan love to let people think they are funding all these cancer Nurse posts when it's usually the NHS that fund them longer term and they just carry the Macmillan name because they initially funded the post for the first 12 months or whatever. very underhand. Apologies for going off topic op !

If you do transfer as much as possible into your Mum's sole name now, it will make things simpler when your Dad has passed away. Fewer things to do when she is grieving.

Less vital, but worthwhile still - get an idea of what sort of funeral arrangements they would like. You could then email/ring round a few undertakers, get an idea of what the costs and options are and which undertakers you get on with. Scout out vicars or celebrants, burial places if not opting for cremation.

It's very sad seeing your Dad so unwell, but you're still probably more clear-headed now (your Mum too) than you'll be once he's died.

The terminology about nurses is very confusing.

He should have a cancer specialist nurse - although if he isn't going to have treatment he may have minimal contact from them.

He should also have a palliative care nurse - and it sounds like he does.

Either of these can be called 'Macmillan' but they do entirely different jobs. Historically a lot of community palliative care nurses were badged as Macmillan but this is a lot less common now as Macmillan have moved out of the field. It's more helpful to think about the roles than the Macmillan name, it does sound like your DF has been connected to the right services.

As a palliative care specialist there is nothing more grating than a family telling you your service has been great so they are making a big donation to Macmillan - when your service has absolutely nothing to do with Macmillan and desperately needs the charitable donations.

There’s lots of practical advice on here that I won’t repeat. But I would echo PP to make sure that the referrals to local palliative care services are made now, so that the links are already made for when they are really needed.

This is less about supporting your parents, but from my experience when my mum was dying is make sure your DH is ready to step up at a moment’s notice to help as you may get the call that you need to go now (I mean really now) to see your Dad. (For the avoidance of doubt, my DH was but it was very sudden.)

And remember to look after yourself too.

I just want to reiterate that there is very little you need to do because most financial stuff needs a death certificate.

POA can take it to 12 weeks to come through. It won't be of much use now for what needs doing.

If he needs to make phone calls, your mum can be listed as his carer and once he gives permission, she can do the calls for him or he can pass her over once he's made the call.

We do this for one of my elderly parents who isn't unwell but has poor hearing.

The other thing is if he has savings in his name only. get those transferred to your mum in her account or get the account changed to both names. That's fairly straightforward.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Also a palliative care specialist. For most of our patients PoA is a waste of time and energy - it takes too long to come back from the Office of the Public Guardian.

As long as there is a will and mum has a way of making sure the bills are paid eg joint account, that is generally enough.

It's rare for there to be care decisions that need a PoA for health and welfare in the way there are for dementia, the illness course is completely different.

Hi,

Please make use of Macmillan Money Matters (number online) and if you have a Maggie's centre near you, this may be of help to you or your mum x

With banks you can do quite a lot without power of attorney/probate.

At Barclays you can be added as a trusted person to the account and manage it (as long as you are also a customer). Assume other banks do similar.

Also for future reference if there is less than 50k in the account you don’t need probate, they will just give it to the executor. Similarly you can send any funeral bills to the bank and they will pay them directly from the account.

PoA is unlikely to be of much benefit to you to be honest so may not be worth wasting the money on it.

PoA is more important for you Mum when you may need to make decisions on her care and finances in the future.

I’m a palliative care nurse specialist.
if he has symptoms ask him to be referred to his local community team.
then either they or the GP can do the SR1 form and may be able to do the AA forms.
PoA is unlikely to be of much benefit to you to be honest so may not be worth wasting the money on it.

Maybe contact mc millen or cancer charity as they will advise on financial and caring measures to be put in place when your dads health declines eg: toilet aids , hospital bed , carers if he remains at home .Also they will talk to your dad about his wishes and emotions .

I work in probate law so reiterate what others have said, a Will is a must as it makes life easier re probate. Have you contacted MacMillan? They are very useful in these circumstances and can offer a lot of advice and support

Are you sure there is no Will already?

And that your parents don't already know about the teacher's pension scheme?
Your Dad would have had to nominate someone to receive it on his death at the time he qualified for his pension.

(I was a teacher.)

We wrote a Will soon after we married partly as we had/ wanted to nominate guardians for our children.

If your mum doesn't have her own credit card she should apply for one now.
She won't get a massive amount of credit limit if she's not working but even a small amount on it (under £5K) helps.

You've had some good suggestions but in all honesty, you shouldn't panic.

There is no urgency over any of these things if you Mum has access to some money.

She can also get advice and support from the CAB and Age UK who are very helpful with form filling and admin.

Age UK (I think) will even send someone to her house to help her complete forms etc.

I'm sorry to hear about your Dad.

Is this sudden so they have had no time to start to do any of the admin?

I'd not assume your parents have done nothing unless you know that for definite.

There are things that you and your Mum can't to until (sorry!) you have a death certificate. Once you do, you can send it to the various places who need it, so that any money in his name is transferred to her.

I was involved in this when my Dad died a few years ago.

You should ideally appoint a solicitor who can advise you on what to do and who to contact, if neither you nor your Mum know.

Your Mum will have to do everything, in her name, as she's next of kin. You can advise her but she will have to do the phoning and writing- you can't do that for her if she has 'capacity'.

There isn't any real urgency to be honest. As long as she has access to money such as her own account or a joint account, you don't need to do anything at the moment.

TBH I'd spend your time with your Dad and supporting him, rather than spending too much time and energy on paperwork just now.

Agree with PP, once you've got legal/financials sorted, try and make sure as best you can your mum has a good local support system. Has she told friends, family, neighbours what's going on, and if they offer to help, given practical suggestions?
Just getting out of the house for a walk, cup of tea, chat. What can be done to support her continuing to go to her clubs, does she need someone else to sit with him at those times?

Does she have numbers to call if he deteriorates/develops new symptoms out of hours, palliative care, nurses, GP.

Grimly has a doctor seen him recently, otherwise there may be complications in writing death certificate when the time comes.

Lastly, look after yourself, such a difficult horrible time