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Elderly parents
Original poster

Stark realisation that my parents have always disliked me.

36 replies

BlueLegume · 15/09/2025 06:07

Just that really. I have had several threads covering a very difficult few years with my elderly parents and had a great deal of support to help me navigate it on here.

I have stepped right back recently and reflected on my relationship generally with them over my whole life. My overriding take away is that they have never really liked me, I have always been a disappointment to them. For the record they have told me how much of a disappointment I am many times. Not pretty enough, not clever enough - simply not enough.

This really makes me think why I have striven so hard all my life for their approval. It might be in the wrong thread but I can see now what a slog life has been trying to get a tiny bit of approval from them.

OP posts:
YelloDaisy · 15/09/2025 06:48

Did they make great achievements in their lives?

Original poster
BlueLegume · 15/09/2025 06:44

@Laundrywitch not sure it is a relevant question with regard to my original post but no they have not helped me financially because I would never have expected them to. Left school at 17 went into full time work saved for a deposit and have been financially independent all my life. If I misunderstood let me know but I don’t see the relevance.

OP posts:
Snorebor · 15/09/2025 06:41

I am sorry OP. I always find it sad when parents speak to their children like this and treat them so poorly. Unfortunately it’s not rare which is why I hate how people act like children who walk away from toxic parents have did something wrong.

It sounds like your parents are projecting their inner dissatisfaction into you. You’re basically the scapegoat they blame for their failure to be fully satisfied or at peace despite all their material possessions.

The truth is even if you were exactly like them they’d still find fault with you. The real issue is staring them in the mirror and they probably know that deep down.

MyFortieth · 15/09/2025 06:41

You’re right that there are many.

But I don’t know why you feel any compunction about returning their compliments in kind. They are awful people and terrible parents.
I would use the same tone of voice as they do to incredulously ask “Instead of me being a load of shit, why don’t we talk about how absolutely dreadful you are instead, and I get the chance to rubbish every aspect of your life and character for a change. Or is it that you can only give it- and are a complete baby about hearing how other people see you?”

Laundrywitch · 15/09/2025 06:39

Have they ever helped you financially?

CatherinedeBourgh · 15/09/2025 06:36

I think you need to reframe that. I feel sorry for your parents, that they were unable to embrace who you are and enjoy it. That their need for outward recognition has limited their ability to delight in you, however you are.

There must be a massive hole in their self esteem if they need to fill it in such a shallow way. I wonder what their upbringing was like. I suspect they never had approval themselves, so have never learnt to give it. Which led to them missing out completely on a wonderful relationship with you.

Original poster
BlueLegume · 15/09/2025 06:35

@LaLoose plain and ordinary were actually my mothers words - over and over again. She just couldn’t accept that someone like her ended up with someone like me. I am good with it now but sad a mother would judge her daughter so harshly.

OP posts:
LaLoose · 15/09/2025 06:32

I think you just have to make your peace with it. You now know. Love to you.

LaLoose · 15/09/2025 06:31

Plain and ordinary are your words though. I say this gently and with love. People who strive and change and attempt to ‘improve’ - as you describe your parents - are unhappy people. I remember once realising that my mother had installed two new kitchens at a newish home and it was quite a shock. You are happy with yourself. Nothing is to be gained by confronting them (awful word for an often mistaken action). It’s just horrible to realise. I’m so sorry x

Original poster
BlueLegume · 15/09/2025 06:22

@LaLoose thank you. I know I am a decent person. My close family know I am and concur that my parents are the problem. They were a ‘golden couple’ always the most attractive, always decked out in fancy clothes, fancy cars, bespoke everything in the house but frankly never actually satisfied with life. I wonder if having a plain and ordinary daughter in me was something they struggled with. I am good with who I am after a long time of trying to do something, anything they would actually acknowledge as being positive. I think there are many of us in this position.

OP posts:
LaLoose · 15/09/2025 06:16

I’m so very sad to read this. Thinking of you. I have come to a quite similar discovery myself recently, so I feel your pain, which resonates through your writing. In a way it doesn’t matter though. Your worth is proven through your deeds, not through their opinion of you. What do you think of yourself? That, after all, is what matters. Love to you x