Problem diamond ring

If your mother wants her wishes to be followed then she needs to write it down - in the will or letter of wishes - so everyone can see it was her decision.

If she refuses to do that, she’s making you the bad guy after she’s gone. Not fair.

In that situation I think you would be entitled do what YOU think is best for the whole family once she is gone, since she has refused to take responsibility by putting it in writing.

Also, since she keeps changing her mind, that makes it even more important to get it in writing. Otherwise she could easily have said different things to different family members and you have a mega shit show when the time comes.

You need to follow your mothers wishes. It's not your decision.

'Auction' the ring amongst the family.

Let everyone write down an amount they'd pay for it secretly. Highest amount pays that money for the ring. Other nieces/ nephews split the money paid. Ensures niece who most values the ring gets it (and others get a little something).

Just give it to the niece your Mum wants to have it. Just because she's older it doesn't mean you shouldn't follow her wishes. Only 1 person can have 1 ring. If you think there might be bad feelings you can pretend your Mum wrote all nieces names on paper and drew out one to get ring. It will save hurt feeling but you should ensure your Mum's wishes are followed.

She could just write her wishes down and get someone to witness her signature. A neighbour or friend. Not you OP
Then you have that if there’s any upset in the family.

Suggest she hands it on now, we did that with my MIL's jewellery when she moved into a care home.

Otherwise, I would wait and give it to her brother and he can decide who to pass it onto.

No need for a solicitor. A signed written note is enough if needed. You should not ignore her wishes or feel responsible for them.

How many stones does the ring have? Is it possible to sub divide?

Gosh OP, I wouldn't be saddled with carrying out any divisive, hurtful decisions of someone who has passed away. You owe it to your mum to care for while she is here. If she wants to ensure what happens to her property - well, that's what wills are for and she is welcome to make one that includes all her wishes. If she doesn't do that, then your responsibility, once she has gone, is to yourself and the living.

I would do what accords best with my own sense of what's best for the family.

Why on earth would you sell the ring (leaving the family) and give money to a random charity (nothing to do with your family) when there are relatives alive to pass it too. It’s an heirloom. It’s not your decision to give it away!

It’s your mum’s ring and she wants her granddaughter to have it. Ask her to sign something saying this and keep it in a safe place. You might want to gift the other grandchild something of sentimental value yourself. They may not be aware of the difference.

@BeMintFatball What made your cousin ask to see the ring> did they all want the ring when your gran died or was your mum the only daughter? do you not have a daughter or niece who would like the ring? there seems to be an awful lot put on this ring if it isnt valuable?? do you actually know the insured value of the ring?

You’re doing the right thing to persuade your mother to write a brief letter. All it has to say is ‘the diamond ring in the Samuel’s box goes to Niece C, the blue china candlesticks go to niece A’ etc etc.

However, I would lower your expectations as to the likelihood of avoiding post death drama of some kind. I guess it is already happening, but someone will kick off about this. You’re right that a letter by your mum is the way to minimise it.

We had this in the family and my mother, bless her, did write something. It definitely defused the broiling row between my brother and my sister to a minimum. I’ve now offloaded most of the stuff I got to others because the whole thing made me feel sick, though I must admit I have held on to one thing and probably would have protested if anyone else had laid claim to it. So I’m no better than anyone else.

Your mum, bless her, is being ridiculous.

If she’s happy for it to be sold after her death, she should leave it to you with instructions to sell it and divide the proceeds equally between her nieces and nephew.

It’s very silly leaving a ladies’ diamond ring to the one and only nephew.

If she’s deliberately seeking to exclude this or that person from benefiting from it, she needs to take responsibility for that by writing a letter explaining what her wishes are and that none id this has anything to do with you.

Also I wouldn’t put anything further in writing. At the moment you hold all the cards and can just give the items as gifts. I think you are over complicating it.

Legally everything is left to you which makes it easy. Just give the niece the ring and give the others another small item each. No need to make a big thing of it or point out that only the ring is being given at your mum’s request.

That makes no sense OP. If she wants to give the ring towards the nephew buying a house, is she expecting him to sell it and use the money?
I think your mum needs to know the financial value of the ring. Once she knows that, she can decide who to gove it to now, so that you’re not on the receiving end of any fallout. I think a letter from your mum to the recipient confirming the gift is a good idea, along with a video of her freely and willingly handing it over in case it’s subsequently challenged.

I would get your mum to write up a letter detailing who gets what and then you have got that for backup when dealing with the estate. If she just gives the ring to one niece and nothing to the others then since it’s not worth much, get it valued and give the other nieces the monetary value and get them to choose another piece of jewellery that they would like.

Exactly! Your DM wants Niece A to have the ring, she can’t give it to all of the nieces can she? If the others aren’t happy about it, it says more about them than your DM.

So the niece she wants to receive the ring is the dd of her younger sibling? Not one of your own dc?

If it’s only worth a couple of hundred I don’t understand the drama. I’m sure there is plenty of sentimental tat in an older person’s house to dish something out to each niece/nephew without too much trouble.

If a solicitor is out of the question you could have a conversation with your DM and suggest she gives the ring before she dies.

I agree with pp that she should
do an “expression of wishes” letter and perhaps it could include keepsakes for the others too. A painting or an ornament or clock or whatever for other nephews/ nieces.

She can also write something nice - they’re not legally binding but they help distribute things without rows.

Encourage your mum to give niece the ring now. Then it's out of your hands and her wishes are fulfilled and any ire of the other nieces can't be directed at you! My godmother did that. She left everything in her will to her stepdaughter as her husband/ the dad had bought the house etc. She had some nice rings too which came from her side of the family. She gave those to her goddaughters after she was widowed so we had something personal of hers and she could enjoy seeing us wearing them while she was still alive. She also didn't want to give her stepdaughter the burden of having to locate and allocate the rings as well as getting probate, selling the house etc.