But you’re my carer!

I have already stopped being her carer and accepting money.

There’s a camera for outside. There’s no way she’ll agree to cameras inside but our Alexa devices are connected so that’s something.
That’s a good idea about the garden. The last gardener wanted to do that and mum didn’t want her to because it looked ugly. We have a really good hardware store locally that delivers for free so I’ll look into that.
Gd is going tomorrow to clean so I’ve asked mum if that’s every week and long term ie what she was supposed to be checking yesterday. She said she didn’t realise she was supposed to ask her that and wasn’t sure it would be long term. Well, it needs doing weekly like I’ve been doing it for over 3 years so why wouldn’t you ask her that? I think she realises she’ll say no she doesn’t want to and her one day off cleaning for granny. She’s asked me what cleaners charge and the one quote so far is going to be just short of £200 a month maybe less if they can do it quickly like I did. Depends on how thorough they are. Then with the gardener, the physio she needs, the care she’ll need to pay towards etc she’s looking at around £1000 a month for the basics. I think she’s realising the bargain she got with me 😂 and isn’t happy about it especially as people don’t do things like I do. I might sound conceited but I think it’s the autism that demands I do things to a specific standard and mum now sees anything less as not good enough. She’s been spoilt really.
Im enjoying time with my children and catching up a bit at home. I’ve been returning a pair of sandals for the past two months and have finally got round to doing it today. Just having lazy mornings is doing me good.

I spoke to the care agency and they weren’t impressed with what I told them.

Priorites are certainly the thing. I’ve kept mum in a high standard these past few years and knowing that won’t be maintained will be hard for her. It look a lot of self restraint not to do jobs today but I stuck it out.
I mentioned about the granddaughter doing the cleaning weekly and she looked confused and said she hadn’t said that and that gd had just said to phone if she wanted anything doing. So that’s a cock up already. The house needs a good clean and Hoover. The bed needs changing. The bins need emptying. Laundry needs doing. The garden is a mass of mare’s tails.
The gardener who gave the quote is the one who does her hedges twice a year. I sent him videos. He said about putting weed killer down though and disagreed when I said that would kill the plants as well as the weeds. It’s a full days work for 2 people plus waste disposal.
Mum got annoyed with me and repeatedly said that she didn’t understand why I’d suddenly quit and why I’d never said it was getting too much. I explained again, three times, that it was the treatment of me by her sister and my sister that was the final straw. She says that didn’t mean I had to just drop her so I said she’s not been dropped because I sorted out SS to provide carers for her and she’s had other people go round. What she’s thinking is that it’s not the same as me who was so used to her needs that I could anticipate them before she knew herself.
She’s been able to sort out her medication issues with the pharmacy and that’s a positive. There were so many jobs I took in because I was going there for myself or passing when she could have done it herself.

Oh and £650 to get the garden up to standard!

Thank you. I will do that.
I’ve just met one of the carers and she’s bloody awful. Spent ten minutes talking about how the tea time call isn’t working and how all suggestions to make it work wouldn’t possibly work. She sounded bolshy and lazy and she was talking about care costs and how mum would need to pay and what we need to tell SS in front of my ten year old which is inappropriate. She talked about mum to me rather than to her which I didn’t like. She’s right here with us you know. Plus she talked to me like I was dense. She said she’d only got time to make a cup of tea. Yes because you’ve been talking office politics and shit for ten minutes. Then ate left 5 minutes early. Some carers are just awful.

I’m not familiar with pip and wouldn’t have thought I’d be eligible seeing as how much I was doing for my mum and I don’t need help myself.

I will have to get a job yes, but I’ve never done well with employment. I now know that’s the autism and adhd. I also have a few chronic physical conditions that saw my sickness record be a huge issue. I burn out very quickly. Working for my mum suited us both almost perfectly until it got too much and family said what they did. I think if she’d have stood up for me against her sister and my sister then things might have co tinned but with outside help taking some of the load off. I’m a single parent in a rented house and am worried about losing the carers element of universal credit. The money from my mum paid for my hobby and days out. I’ll work out my finances later but I will have to get some work. I’ve just no idea what.
Ds has woken up saying he doesn’t want to go up to see granny today which is unusual. He’s worried we will argue or that she will cry. I’ve reassured him on the arguing and I think now that she’s got help for meals there’ll be no crying. She was in a bad way last time we saw her and not managing and got upset. I’m not looking forward to it either to be honest and I hate feeling like that. I’m just worn out. I’m not sleeping well and am skint so it’s no surprise.
Im expecting some guilt tripping today but I’ll tell her straight to stop. I was going to get the garden up to standard but it wrecks my abreast knackered back so I’m not. It would take me around 15 hours to get it the way I’d be happy with it so about £300 of work by my estimate. It will be very interesting to see what the gardener comes back with.