But you’re my carer!

I’m executor of her will along with my brother but he lives far away so guess who will be doing it all 🙄 he’ll do what he can but it will be limited due to him being far away, his health and “he works”. I would prefer a solicitor to do it but that will cost a lot I imagine. It would ensure that things were fair and that nothing is withheld from anyone (incase mum changes it to my sister) and would mean that nobody was on my case about anything. The funeral will also be down to me and brother to sort. She’s funeral plan but I’ve asked her to write her wishes down so that nobody is moaning at me as to why are we having the wake here? Why this? Why that? The hymns would be wrong, the flowers wrong. I’m not even sure I’d go to her funeral because of the family. I’d go to church but not the wake. So I’ve told her it needs to be somewhere I can walk home from with the dc and escape to grieve alone.

Inheritance will be split between mum’s 4 dc equally. Aunt is very wealthy.

So, two rooms got cleaned today. Not sure if the floors got mopped. It’s only a small bungalow. No dusting done. Buns not done. Bed not changed. That awful carer was back today going on about how mum needs to pay for her care and how social services basically put names of care agencies in a hat and pick one for each person. So inappropriate and in front of the gd too. My mum is too nice and looks at things in the surface and wouldn’t think of how inappropriate that is. The carer has been really stressing my mum out over this having to pay thing. Nobody is in the office until Monday so I don’t know if I can do anything until then but they’ll be told that she is not to go to my mum’s again. I don’t trust her at all.

There is black mould hence the dehumidifier. If SS say she’s only getting half hour visits they won’t have time to do more than a quick meal and wash up. The breakfast one puts washing on and the lunch time one hangs it out or on the maiden. There’s no time for cleaning the floors or cleaning the fridge but new found golden gd will do that I think seeing as it was my job and she’s now doing the cleaning. I’ve not checked the smoke alarm so I’ll get that sorted. The boiler is serviced once a year. I think it’s due next month. She’s got a vmcwrbon monoxide alarm. There’s a key safe with keys to the front and back doors. She’s got a window cleaner but he only does outside.

Thank you. She has an assisted bin collection already that I organised last summer. The air fryer I’ve recommended is the mini oven one. She’s fine with her meds and has an Alexa to remind her should she forget. She scrubbing at drinking anything cold and would drink coffee all day which upsets her stomach 🙄 there’s a flask that she could make up in a morning so that she has a hot drink ready made up for the day. She doesn’t use it. She has care call with a pendant that she wears so she’s got that if she falls. She’s got a trolley on wheels provided by OT for transporting hot drinks and meals and uses this. The carers are putting the washing in and hanging it out but by the time lunch time comes at 1pm they’ve missed the best drying time. She’s got a heated airer but they never put the dehumidifier on.
Today they’ve given her soup for lunch which is fine but I reminded her yesterday there’s meat that needs using up.

Everything is well documented and has been repeated to SS. The OT has discharged her because everything is in place. She has an adapted bathroom and step lift to outside. She has a perch stool but can sit on her rollator to do things or take things like veg through to the dining table and prepare them there. She’s just not capable of any of the thinking this requires it seems and doesn’t like things out on the sides saying it’s cluttered but if it’s out it means she can reach it. I’ve suggested an air fryer but she’s not sure. It would mean things can be cooked much faster and she won’t need to bend down to the oven. Very resistant to change. It took ages to get her to agree to the bathroom being changed and the step lift.
She is in England to the poster who asked.
Im not getting any sense out of her over whether or not gd can do the cleaning weekly indefinitely so I’ve decided sod it and am leaving her to it. Next time the cleaning companies call I’ll give them her number.

Just feeling a bit sad and cross tonight. Mum doesn’t phone me anymore to chat and doesn’t message as much either. I think she’s definitely sulking even though she’d deny it. I know she’s feeling hurt that I’ve said I’m not doing all the work anymore but she did say if it got too much to say. At least she’s being forced to reassess things and prove to herself that there are things she can do herself. I think she’s feeling panicked and maybe a little guilty too now that she knows how much she’s put into me and by default the children. Ds got so upset the other day with her and with me because he’d said he didn’t want to go incase we argued. Plus he’s upset with granny for being mean to me. His words. He usually loves being there and helping out for pocket money and is very close with my mum. Dd is very close to her too and shares all her secrets and gossip with mum. If the sulking and semi-silent treatment continues past the weekend I’ll be calling her out on it because I’m not tolerating it. There’s been no understanding of how I feel about things, only guilt tripping and recrimination.
The good news is that financially I’m ok without the money she was giving me. Without the carers element of UC things will be tricky but I’ve made a claim for pip on the advice from poster(s) here and have started looking for a job. I’ll see the GP or more likely do an online triage form because I just need a rest. Well as much of a rest as being a single mum of 3 with additional needs with additional needs herself along with chronic health conditions gets 😂 No matter what, I always keep my sense of humour and can find light in the darkness.
I really appreciate the support here, thank you.

Im totally confused now and its late but recently when i asked SS for an assessment for mum saying I was at breakdown point they essentially said because she could wash and dress herself then she wouldn’t be entitled to any help from them. Then when I said I’m not doing this they’ve put urgent care in place to assess but it’s only for a maximum of 2 weeks. They are assessing at the end of next week for a plan going forward but seem under the impression that any care she needs is short term and she needs to be more independent. All well and good but there’s some things she really can’t do like change the bed. She could dust or wipe surfaces at a basic level but not vacuum or mop. She’s not really adapted to using her rollator to do anything other than walk about the house and do the basics. She’s can get herself a basic meal and hot drinks. It’s painful but she can do it. So it will be interesting to see what social services say after their assessment. Knowing how many hours I was doing they decided 1.5 hrs a day was all they were doing for this two weeks.

Would social services provide a cleaner? I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t. She seems convinced that her granddaughter will clean weekly but then in the next conversation says she’s not asked her to do it beyond tomorrow and will discuss it with her tomorrow. I think she needs to face up to having to pay the going rate for a cleaner because at the moment she’s seeing that her money will soon disappear. Her physio is great and someone I know personally but she’s private, not NHS so it’s about £60 a week for that. She needs physio weekly to keep her on the straight and narrow with her exercises and posture and also because the consultant said how important it is. The NHS won’t provide it though.