But you’re my carer!

The cleaning company is coming on Friday to give a quote.
Mum was in great spirits tonight which was lovely to see. She’s not ill so now she’s got company and the relief of having meals brought to her she’s feeling more relaxed. She’s not allowed to mobilise without a member of staff such is the risk of paralysis if she falls. We knew the risk behind but the consultant is being very strict due to how critical her condition is.
im feeling more relaxed too and much happier. I’m sleeping better too the last few nights. Thank you all for your help.

I didn’t see the post so I don’t know sorry.

Even better-she tells me she’s been measured for a zimmer frame. WTF for?? Nobody thought to give her her rollator 🙄 Im her house now and the two rooms that were supposedly cleaned the other day must have just been threatened with cleaning products.

Oh and my sister has said her DDs will be relieved not to do mum’s cleaning!

I’ve had a good chat to mum this morning who sounds really bright and cheerful considering she’s in hospital. My sister only gave her one pair of knickers and mismatched pjs so I’ve said I’ll take her things in tomorrow.
I’ve update my UC claim with my fit note and medical information and said I’m applying for PIP so that’s all in hand. I’ve told mum the GP has signed me off for 2 months and she asked how I can be signed off when I don’t work 😩

I spoke with mum and the surgeon on the phone this afternoon and he agreed to admit her so she can be fully assessed and see the consultant she’s under. He was a lovely doctor and understood the safety issue. She needs surgery and I think they will keep her in until she has it. Once discharged she’ll get a full care package for 6 weeks plus physio and maybe OT. After that we will see and assess nearer the time.
My sister “had to get back” so didn’t stay with her until she saw the surgeon.
I’ve update her lovely physio and the family we chose to have.
I had an email follow up from the care agency manager to say she’d spoken to the awful carer and basically she’d denied everything except saying about but having time to cook a proper meal. I replied to the email with written examples of what she had said in front of me, my child and mum and what mum
said she’d said over the weekend. I can’t stand liars. I’ll update social services in the morning.
I feel better knowing that I have done breathing space. Obviously I am
still doing a lot albeit remotely but it’s still headspace and I feel much calmer and less stressed. The fit note helps hugely so thank you for suggesting the GP. She’s signposted to their well being team and MH services. I’d explained I wasn’t depressed just exhausted and I’m not depressed. Just anxious but I’ve been anxious all my life and it’s worse due to the burnout and thinking I’ve got to get a job RIGHT NOW or be spending 30 hours a week job hunting or whatever they’d want me to do. At the moment I’m probably still doing enough hours to count as official carer and get the carers element of UC. I’m keeping a log of what I’m doing. I spoke with the care agency, cleaning company and physio this morning. It took me over half an hour to email the care agency and then being on the phone to the hospital doctor was another 15 minutes, plus updating the physio. I’d taken a book to my son’s spirt lesson and spent the whole time emailing and speak to the doctor which is quite typical of what I do during his sport sessions or when not actually with my mum. I probably do as much at home as I do with her.
For now I’m playing things by ear and hoping that surgery is possible and that it will help her. She’s been in horrendous pain and it’s been awful to see. She’s on large amounts of opiates and still in severe pain.

Mum is now in hospital after seeing the physio today. The physio felt the condition had worsened with red flags so my sister has had to accompany her and do everything needed. I was at the hospital with Ds for his ASD/adhd assessment so couldn’t do anything anyway. I did tell the carer agency.
My GP responded and kindly listened to my written information and didn’t insist on a face to face as I said I’d just cry. She’s signed me off for 2 months to rest so that’s a relief at least. Mum was being weird about me still doing things but I had to point out that there’s no other bigger who would do certain things and in this transition phase I still need to do stuff. I got accused of taking over her decisions and she’s left out of decisions which isn’t true because she’s asked me to do things like get cleaner quotes. I have no issue helping in these small ways, it was the sheer amount of mental load I was carrying that was too much.
It did make me laugh that she said going two thirds of the cleaning was too much for her GD to do in one day yet I am 20 years older and was expected to do the whole house plus shopping plus gardening plus medication plus everything else.
Oh, and she was most upset by me writing emotional support as one of the things I do for her. She tried saying what about all the times I’ve given you support. So I had to explain that children don’t owe their parents that kind of support whereas it’s natural for parents to support their child. The child supporting the parent is the wrong way round. She didn’t like that at all.

Awful carer won’t be returning so that’s a result. I’m in trouble over that. In trouble for booking the physio appointment but they phoned me not me phoned them! In trouble for getting a cleaning quote yet mum said to go ahead. I reminded her what cleaning needed doing )the other 2/3s) and she said that’s too much for other GD to do but then said they’d be cross if she got proper cleaners. Ffs

No one. I’ve done an online request to the GP to ask for a couple of months to rest and said how exhausted I am. I’ve given lots of details in that request so they will know exactly what’s what.

I still can’t believe that only 2 rooms were cleaned yesterday. It’s a small bungalow with 5 rooms in total. It’s not cluttered and is pretty quick to whizz through if you put your mind to it if you’re in a hurry.
Mum really isn’t able to get out at the moment so things can’t be done when she’s not there and she can’t come here due to the stairs. I don’t drive and neither does she. I’ve said I’ll get her a wheelchair and take her into the city to go shopping one day next month when Ds is on his residential with school. We can get the train. It will do her good to get out and actually look in shops rather than online.