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Elderly parents

Non driving parent expectations

60 replies

Onlyadaughter · 30/07/2025 23:00

DF passed away 2 years ago almost and DM doesn't drive because she's too anxious. She has a licence but my dad drove her everywhere so she's not been behind the wheel for years. I take her to get with groceries etc every week and the occasional hospital appointment. Sibling helps with errands sometimes but flat out refused to do groceries so I'm doing that every week. For a while DM wanted lifts to her various medical appointments as she'd had a turn and didn't feel safe walking but thankfully she's been better recently (plus I told her she needs to walk, it's only 10 minutes away and took me longer to drive to her house 🙄 ).

A neighbour died recently and DM is hoping to go to the funeral next week but she's informed me she has a Dr appointment an hour before so "someone" would need to give her a lift. Sibling is away so can't do it. I'm working but she will be expecting me to ask for time off to drop her at the church. I'm not sure if she would be able to walk there in time but it would take me 15 minutes to drive to hers then I'd have to hang around at the medical centre waiting before taking her to the ceremony. Obvious answer would be taxi but she doesn't like trying to organise taxis when she's not sure what time she'll be available. Not sure what to do or say I'm sitting here silently seething and wishing she could fucking drive.

OP posts:
Mumof1andacat · 30/07/2025 23:39

Is there a volunteer car service she could use to get to the doctors appointment?

Onlyadaughter · 30/07/2025 23:26

Appointment was booked before the old guy died.

OP posts:
LameBorzoi · 30/07/2025 23:22

Who organises a doctor's appointment an hour before an event? Madness! Doctors have emergencies and run late.

Onlyadaughter · 30/07/2025 23:18

I think it's quite an urgent appointment but mind you they all seem to be these days so who knows 🙄 She was making a big fuss about some issue on the phone last week as if it was something serious but when I asked about it later it was no biggie really.

OP posts:
Onlyadaughter · 30/07/2025 23:14

The asking another neighbour might work but again it's the timings. But yeah she expects me to wait around for her. And Mondays are usually busy as I'm on my own then. So yeah. Life's full of tough choices mum. She could watch the recording later if they have that. Or just go to the reception later.

OP posts:
eatreadsleeprepeat · 30/07/2025 23:11

For this time I would ask her to change the Gp appointment. Going forward could you arrange an account for her with a local taxi company, if she got to know the drivers she might be more comfortable. There may also be organisations which arrange volunteers to drive people to hospital appointments.
Maybe encourage her to do online grocery shopping?

Onlyadaughter · 30/07/2025 23:06

Yes that sounds good. Maybe she could rearrange her Dr appointment or something. I mean how many more Dr appointments and funerals will there be. I can't do everything.

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 30/07/2025 23:06

No, sorry mum I can’t get the time off.

PermanentTemporary · 30/07/2025 23:05

I’m sorry she doesn’t like waiting for taxis. The solution, however, is not for you to do the waiting instead.

She can either rearrange her medical appointment and get a cab to and from the funeral - possibly having to wait after calling them - or she could book a cab to wait for her and run her about. Or she could find out who else is going to the funeral and ask them for a lift. Or she could get buses (I know I’m lucky to be on a bus route).

Alternatively she could not go to the funeral. They’re not compulsory.

Tell her cheerfully that you can’t get any time off that day and ask what she’s going to do, in a spirit of polite interest.

Enough4me · 30/07/2025 23:03

The answer is stop seething and politely decline, "can't this time Mum I'm working". Then talk about other things. You are not her servant and you are busy working.

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