Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Elderly parents
Original poster

Complete refusal to use technology

262 replies

Senttotestus · 27/07/2025 13:02

My mum is 79 & a completely technophobic
In her mid 50s she resigned from her job as a Drs receptionist because they introduced computers. She worked for a few more years on a helpline then retired at 60
She has never sent a text message or WhatsApp
She has never sent an email
She cannot google anything
She has never purchased or booked anything online

A man from a tech charity for the elderly spent 2 sessions with her with no improvement

Over covid I told her she must learn to FaceTime & she has £1k worth of iPad for this purpose, she can also log onto her Halifax app to look at her balance - she cannot make any payments.

i do all her online banking, food shopping &
booking of appointments, she eagerly gives out my email address as if I am her PA

She has just rung to see where her Waitrose delivery is & she was unable to open the Waitrose app on her iPad - ITS 3 CLICKS - she presses everything with such force that most times the IPad thinks she is trying to move the apps around

I am accepting of this most days but today it just feels wilful that she has rejected all technology for over 20 years and thinks it’s acceptable to shrug and get me to do everything , laughing at any suggestion that she should be able to do some of these very basic things.

Rant over - deep breaths!! Anyone else in a similar position?

OP posts:
Original poster
Senttotestus · 27/07/2025 13:18

Would anyone else genuinely refuse to order food for a disabled 79 year old - this is REALLY eye opening

OP posts:
Septembe66 · 27/07/2025 13:18

My mil thinks we still go into the bank and post office to pay her bills. And you can just go in to a shop without her bank card and give them the PIN code and they can process the payment 😂

RainSoakedNights · 27/07/2025 13:16

Senttotestus · 27/07/2025 13:15

She is quite disabled now - needs a lot of assistance to get anywhere.

That IPad could enable her in so many ways

Seated exercise on YouTube
Audible books
podcasts
uber

Its the laughing at her own inability that really infuriates me

if I didn’t order her groceries she wouldn’t have anything to eat so I can’t say no to that but I have told her to stop giving out my email address and instead insist that these clinics/organaisations have her registered as no email

Of course you can say no. She’ll soon realise.

Original poster
Senttotestus · 27/07/2025 13:15

She is quite disabled now - needs a lot of assistance to get anywhere.

That IPad could enable her in so many ways

Seated exercise on YouTube
Audible books
podcasts
uber

Its the laughing at her own inability that really infuriates me

if I didn’t order her groceries she wouldn’t have anything to eat so I can’t say no to that but I have told her to stop giving out my email address and instead insist that these clinics/organaisations have her registered as no email

OP posts:
Septembe66 · 27/07/2025 13:15

My Mil is 80 and can’t even work the house phone or tv remote. Been told many many times but just won’t take it in. She’s definitely not stupid but 100% acts it so dh has to go to her house and show her again and again. Tried to get her to use a mobile about 10 years ago so she could FaceTime family abroad but again wasn’t willing to even try. Actually it’s not just older people. Dh has a friend mid 50’s that doesn’t even want to learn about email and internet. Can’t be doing with all this modern stuff. It’s only been around for 30 years 😂

InMyHealthyEra · 27/07/2025 13:14

Stop booking her appointments, managing online banking and doing shops. Tell her to figure it out.

You can loan books from the library to learn about using technology, she could visit the charity again and ask for help.

Start saying “No”.

RainSoakedNights · 27/07/2025 13:12

Just leave her to it, she’ll have to learn.

My dad wants to activate his free trial of Apple TV. He’s been begging me to do it for the last week, I’ve said no. He’s capable of going on and booking a round of golf so he can do this!

catinacone · 27/07/2025 13:12

Here!

My parents don't have the internet. Tbf to them, they manage to do most things by phone/ in person. My Mum does give out my email address occasionally, and always has a long list of things (usually what prices houses on their road have sold for) she wants me to look up for her when they come to stay.

Mid-70s so absolutely no reason they couldn't have got with the programme in the last 20 years or so. I think they will struggle when they are less mobile, and I will be getting broadband installed the moment I have to go down there for any period of time to assist them so I can actually work!

farmlass · 27/07/2025 13:09

Yup I get your frustration
DM was told and told over the years that DD wouldn’t always be there to do it .
And now he’s not there she’s blaming him for not letting her learn . Absolute rubbish he constantly tried to teach her .
End of tether here .
JUST do this JUST do that .
All adds up and she refuses to learn ,

needtostopnamechanging · 27/07/2025 13:08

Oh good grief / my mother is 16 years older and quite competent with tech

you however need to practise the word “no “

RandomMess · 27/07/2025 13:07

Step back and she’ll have to make do with phone options or doing stuff in person using a can if need be?

PermanentTemporary · 27/07/2025 13:04

It’s very hard if she’s expecting to benefit from you using the technology.

What stops her just going shopping face to face?

Swipe left for the next trending thread