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Elderly parents
Original poster

Dad now in nursing home but struggling

31 replies

CareHome · 18/07/2025 20:45

Dad (91) has now been in his nursing home since Monday, initially for respite with a view to longer term. Mum (89) is struggling to care for him at home - dad uses a frame to walk due to Parkinson's and can fall/collapse.

The nursing home assessed him and have put him on their dementia wing (he's previously been assessed as not having dementia but this was a couple of years ago). Mum has visited today and is unhappy as dad is just laying in bed (at home the carers got him up and downstairs to have breakfast, then in evening they put him to bed around 8pm).

The nursing home have said they can't force him to go to the communal areas but without this routine the fear is that dad's mental health will decline rapidly.
Dad is also unhappy at loss of autonomy. The care home don't want him going to the toilet himself due to risk of falls, but dad wants to try and use his frame like he did at home. They have put the sides up on his bed to prevent him and he hates it.

Can anyone help me understand the expectations - are we asking too much from the care home? Or should I press them on the above?

OP posts:
Original poster
CareHome · 18/07/2025 21:39

LolaCrapola · 18/07/2025 20:54

Putting the bed rails up is also a form of restraint. If he remains in bed he’s likely to decondition and may experience muscle wastage which will then lean to loss of mobility….which will make it even more difficult for your mum and carers to manage his needs at home. Is there another care home he can go to instead?

At home he wanted to stay in bed but mum would nag him and he'd get up (after the carer had tried to get him ready for the day).
His muscles are already wasted as he refused to do any physio at home. He can barely stand and mum was having to hoist him by the back of his trousers on occasion when he said he felt unsteady on his feet when he wanted to go to the toilet.
There are other care homes which I'll look into, but I just want to get a feel of what to expect. If the staff ask him if he wants to go in the lounge and he's suffering depression and says no (he doesn't particularly want to be there and is resentful) then he'll stay in bed all the time. He needs cajoling for his own mental health - but would they do this?

OP posts:
Original poster
CareHome · 18/07/2025 21:30

Anewuser · 18/07/2025 20:50

The first thing I’d be asking if they are using bed rails is: have they done a DoLS assessment - Deprivation of Liberty Safeguards? I’d bet they haven’t. He should be able to get out of bed (even if it’s unsafe) if he wants, until a DoLS have been done.

Unfortunately, many care homes will leave residents in bed because it’s easier for staff.

Sorry your mum and dad are going through this.

Thanks @Anewuser . From what I've just read the care home can grant an emergency 7 day DOLS order and keep extending that until a normal DOLS is done.

OP posts:
user4287964265 · 18/07/2025 21:04

The residential home my relative was in, (she fell out of bed more than once, remarkably no serious injuries) insisted they couldn’t use sides on a hospital type bed because they were dangerous unless someone else/carer present at all times. Risk of getting stuck in the bars I imagine? They put a mattress type thing on the floor to cushion the fall.

He's only been there a few days Op, so there’s a good chance he will settle and they can get him moving on his frame. Talk to them and see what they say, you can always look at other homes if this one isn’t suiting him.

LolaCrapola · 18/07/2025 20:54

Putting the bed rails up is also a form of restraint. If he remains in bed he’s likely to decondition and may experience muscle wastage which will then lean to loss of mobility….which will make it even more difficult for your mum and carers to manage his needs at home. Is there another care home he can go to instead?

onehorserace · 18/07/2025 20:52

You need to discuss this with them and hopefully get a better understanding of what is happening here. It's not one to one care so of course there has to be safeguards made against falls etc. Let's be honest you wouldn't be happy with that would you? Sadly if he says no to certain things then they do have to respect that. I'm sure it's hard for your Mum to see him like this. Schedule a chat with them.

Anewuser · 18/07/2025 20:50

The first thing I’d be asking if they are using bed rails is: have they done a DoLS assessment - Deprivation of Liberty Safeguards? I’d bet they haven’t. He should be able to get out of bed (even if it’s unsafe) if he wants, until a DoLS have been done.

Unfortunately, many care homes will leave residents in bed because it’s easier for staff.

Sorry your mum and dad are going through this.