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Elderly parents
Original poster

Is this an expected thing with aging or just my mother being my mother?

31 replies

ItsBella · 13/07/2025 07:12

My mother has always been very emotional herself, at the same time as dismissive of other people's emotions. This seems to be more so now as she gets a bit older. Her outlook is also a bit more selfish. Is this normal for aging or just her personality? She's early 70s.

OP posts:
Original poster
ItsBella · 13/07/2025 07:48

Maybe anxiety then. That would make sense. She's busy with her new friends in her local area (a good thing) but it feels like she's putting them ahead of me and I've wondered if she's punishing me for not being as available to care for her as she wants.

Today we were messaging and I asked her about a medical issue she had (pretty minor) and how it was and she just walked away from the chat. I noticed she had told me a sentence about how it was earlier (sore but fine). I'm in hospital with my son at the moment, so had been distracted by someone else at the time she sent that.

Sometimes she's fine. Other times I think she's punishing me for not giving her the reassurance of care she wants, so back to anxiety for her.

OP posts:
cariadlet · 13/07/2025 07:28

I think it's a personality thing rather than something that can be generalised.

My mum is in her 80s, isn't over emotional, is very aware of the feelings of others and is supportive of others (was really good when my dd had a personal issue, couldn't get hold of me to talk it through so phoned my mum instead).

MIL is in her 90s. I used to find her a bit prickly and critical but she has changed as she's become more frail - doesn't want to be a nuisance and appreciates anything that you do for her.

Original poster
ItsBella · 13/07/2025 07:20

My mother has always been a martyr. I do understand she's got concerns about someone being available to care for her in her older age, but she made choices and I just feel more distant from her.

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sorrynotathome · 13/07/2025 07:14

Being selfish has nothing to do with age. Character traits may come to the surface more as you age - perhaps because you don't choose to conceal them. I say this as someone in her 60s.

CissOff · 13/07/2025 07:14

Normal in my experience. All but one of my beloved GPs became quite selfish the older they got. The fourth was a bit of a martyr, which didn’t change.

Lafufufu · 13/07/2025 07:13

My mum is definitely way more emotional now.

I think it comes from fear.. shes a lot more fearful and anxious with age.