I've name changed for this but been here for donkeys years - since mouldies.
I apologise in advance if this is upsetting for others but I really need some advice on this please.
My mum has Alzheimer's. Quite advanced. Dysphagia and a pureed diet. Housebound and vulnerable following a fall resulting in a broken pelvis a couple of months ago.
She lives at home with my dad. He is her main carer. They are both 86. She has professional carers come in and wash and feed her and put her to bed each day.
Yesterday I was round there at the same time as the carer and my dad had to give my mum her medication. It's a tablet. She has trouble swallowing and, in my opinion, she needs any meds in liquid form. I have asked for this repeatedly.
My mum struggled to swallow the tablet. She spat it out repeatedly. He shouted at her. Held her nose to make her swallow it. Carer sitting right next to her and made no attempt to stop him. I did. I told him to stop. I told him it wasn't ok and she couldn't swallow it. It was awful. He kept on and on and bullied her. She couldn't swallow it. Carer just watched on. I told him to leave her alone. He was angry. She wouldn't or couldn't swallow the tablet. He shouted at her that she'd take it and he would win in the end and she would swallow it. I tried to stop him and he just went on. This went on for maybe 3-4 minutes. I told him to leave her and it didn't matter (tablet is to make her go to the loo and liquid forms are available) I told him we'd get a liquid form and to leave it. He went on and on. In the end I couldn't stand it any more and left the house. I feel ashamed that I didn't co time yo advocate for her but I tried and tried and I got upset.
The carer did nothing. Just watched.
I feel that he is abusive towards her. This was not really about the medication and its importance or otherwise. It was about him winning and making her do what he wants.
My dad is not a nice man. He was a nasty mean dad and my mum should have left him when we were little. But she didn't for whatever reason - to protect us I suppose. He shows a nice side to the outside world but historically he has been mean. Although I really did think he had mellowed but clearly it's still there in him.
My question is, what to do, I think he needs reporting from a safeguarding perspective (any safeguarding knowledge I have is for children but I would assume that's the case?) Should the carer have reported him? Do you think she would have (they are obviously making a lot of money from my parents, as a company, so I'm not sure she would have). Am I over reacting? I don't think I am. But would appreciate your thoughts.
I've wanted to be looked after in a nursing home for a while and he has always insisted he wants to care for her. They've been married for 69 years.
Please be gentle as I'm all over the place. She needs to be looked after.