Sitting with a dying parent

Mil took 5 days it was so difficult to watch this amazing woman almost disapear in front of our eyes. In the end she chose to go the 15 minutes she was left alone. I think she didnt want any of us to witness her passing.

You are doing something for your dad thats a strong expression of your love for him. I know its hard but in a weird way those last days with them are important.

Sadly, I’ve been there. DDad went on for a week! It’s so hard. Just make sure they’re on top of his pain meds and whatever it is they given them that reduces the secretions so they can breathe more comfortably. Try not to let it get to the stage where you have to ask them for more because you can tell your DDad is uncomfortable.
Remember to keep yourself fed and watered too. It’s tough going.

Sending you lots of love through the ether. Try and get some rest yourself. Listen to the nurses too, they'll know the signs when it's imminent. It's common for loved ones to go and then the person dies, I like to think this is the dying persons last act of kindness.

@Flev I just hopped on to say hi...

hi!

It really is worth getting some sleep. He might need people to leave the room in order to depart anyway. I know that's easier said than done though. 💐

Thinking of you Flev and wishing you and your dear Dad peace. I'll keep you in my thoughts tonight x

Sending love. I’m a doctor, so have often been on that side of the bed, although I’ve always tried to find time to hold a dying patients hand and chat to them even if they look too drowsy to be aware.
but I also looked after a dying parent at home and I read her childhood books we’d shared in the last few hours. Being there is so happy/sad. 💐💐💐

I just wanted to send you a huge hug.

I wasn't there when my Ddad passed away. He was in a hospice and I could've stayed as long as I needed. It was something I could not cope with and he eventually passed after my DM had spent the night with him and had just left for home. When I was sitting with him I told him how much I loved him, that he could leave when he was ready and how I'd look after my DM and DB.

My heart truly goes out to you x

Ah, I remember being where you are with my mum. The last phase felt like it went on for ages, and it can be so difficult to be in that waiting phase. That’s great that you can be there for him and yes, good to just keep chatting away to him. I remember doing my mum’s nails and just blathering on about nonsense for ages. . Take care of yourself and try to get rest as well OP.

Another one who's been there too - as @nabanna says MN were there for support, I'll always remember that. Hope it's peaceful OP, thinking of you x

I've sat where you are and Mumsnet posters were my friends during the long hours, will be thinking of you tonight

You are doing your dad proud, thoughts with you tonight.

You will be exhausted. We brought my Mum home to be with my Dad in Covid, rather than her die alone in hospital. Try to be kind to yourself and see this as a huge privilege. What greater gift than being with a parent at the end, comforting them and making their journey easier. Sending you lots and lots of love xx

I've been thinking of you, your lovely Dad and wider family throughout the day. I expect it's a comfort to your Mum to know that you and your brother are with him. I felt a great calmness and relief when my Dad passed. I wish the same for you. 😌

So sorry. OP💐

I have no experience, advice or much for you OP, but reading this thread made me quite emotional. Sorry you're going through this, your dad is very lucky to have you by his side and I'm sure he's feeling very reassured by you. Thinking of you X

@Flev sending you lots of 🫂🙏🕊️❤️. There are no words suitable for a time like this. But people are thinking of you all x

I have had to do this twice this year. It truly has been the year from hell so far in our family. It is horrible , hard , emotional and just awful. Just make sure u take care of urself. Do u have people to bring u food? Make sure u rest when u can. Also. The few days after they have gone I was in shell shock. So be prepared for that. You have my hugs and sympathies. But I was pleased I did it. As I know would have meant a lot to the people I sat with.

Sending love to you and your Dad for whatever stage you may be at today. There is no longer, or bizarrely, shorter, night than these I found. Time seems to take on an entity of its own. You are doing your Dad proud as you hold his hand through this stage.

An act if true love to hold someone's hand as they leave us.

I am sorry OP, this is an awful experience. I hope you are managing to get some sleep in the daytime, and that you can shower and change etc. I know you will reluctant to leave. Even if he's not religious, the hospital chaplain could help if he's feeling fearful, they are primarily there to comfort and support people and I don't think they push any faith-based stuff if it's not wanted.

You are one of the first things I thought of this morning @Flev i hope your night was bearable, yours and your dad’s. It is a lonely thing to be going through, but you are not alone. Xx

Bless you. I’m a carer and I sat with a very dear client while she passed. All I can say, hard as it is, your presence is probably the most comforting thing possible. Hugs for you.