Looking for help on what I can do with this stressful situation. I’m sorry it’s a long read.
Background – my 40-year-old brother is living at home with my parents. Always has done with the exception of being away for work prior to the covid pandemic. I don’t want to give too much info away as fear it would identify us (little chance I know, but I’m paranoid). Anyway, he worked in the music industry where he was always travelling mostly to the USA, so to be honest, he was hardly back here in the UK. He had a partner out there, and before Covid hit, he was in the process of applying for the nest level visa up to allow him to move out there for work (I’m not 100% on this part). But he split with his partner, claims he was raped by her, sexually and financially abused. Since he has been home in March 2020, he has still managed to work virtually, but work is not as fast coming in, but he still has an income and also patreon too. I’m not sure on the full amount he receives, but it’s not masses, but above any threshold to claim benefits.
So, since March 2020, he has regularly been experiencing really bad mental health issues. He says he is depressed, wishes to end his life (but too scared to), and has been on medication from the Dr and trialled other types which don’t seem to help him. He has regular episodes, at least once a month that last anywhere between a couple of days – 2 weeks, where he is utterly vile to my parents, destroys the house (punching holes in walls, damaging furniture, chucking wine about). One episode, he will ignore my mum, the next, it will be my dad and its just horrible being around him. He screams and shouts that he was a battered child (I can honestly say I never saw anything like that, I wasn’t battered by my parents, literally a smacked bum when naughty growing up (as was accepted then)). We were adopted as babies, literally around 3 months old. Parents always open and honest with it, but he uses this against them too, claims he has adoption trauma from it all and blames my parents from taking him away from his biological mother. (She was 14 at the time of birth and she wanted the adoption so my brother could have a better life). I too am adopted, parents always open and honest, always told us how loved and special we are etc and honestly, we got everything we could ever want growing up. Not love bombed etc. We both had a good childhood as far as I know.
My brother is very musically talented so a lot of weekends were spent with my dad taking my brother to his gigs etc and honestly, even to this day, when he talks about my brother, it’s always to say about what he does for work, how talented he is and how proud he is.
But back to current day and these episodes. Parents have asked him to move out – he refused. My parents offered to buy him a house (as part of their estate). He refused (…I know…!!). He says he will never move out and his lifelong dream is to stay in the family home. My parents want to downsize as the house is too big for them now. When my parents explored moving, he hit the roof and went on hunger strike etc for 3 weeks. He said he wants the house. At this point, in my parents wills, in the event of their death, the house will need to be sold with 50/50 to me and my brother. He said he wants this house and will do anything possible to make sure that happens. He couldn’t get a mortgage for it. My husband and I couldn’t get a mortgage on it with our joint income as we couldn’t afford to, so what hope has my brother got?
My parents want to sell the house soon so that (in their words) I don’t have the issue of evicting him and dealing with the fall out). He said he will only ever leave the house if he is 6 feet under. I don’t need the money from the sale of the house, but it will go into trust for my son when he is older.
When he is in his episodes and destroying the house, my parents have called the police for help, they’ve called 111 for NHS mental health crisis team and honestly no one helps. The big problem we have is that he just switches the mood off and is all fine and charming to the police/NHS staff. So, whilst I agree he has an underlying MH issue, I don’t think it’s anything uncontrollable like bipolar etc, plus the doctors haven’t diagnosed him with anything. Social Work are not interested either,
He is refusing to move out, says he has no where to go, no friends to stay with and is lonely (His only friend is his weed dealer…), but he screams and threatens suicide. My parents (in their 70s) are broken and cry to me with stress. They are scared he will commit suicide and cannot deal with the guilt if he did so.
I have suggested the next step is to contact a lawyer and get an official, legal eviction notice and when he refuses to leave, the police are called. Is that right?
What can we do? My parents are verging on a breakdown. My dad now has heart issues and needs to keep calm, but he cannot do this when he is literally a prisoner in his own home,