What is the difference between 80 and 85?

I think there's often an ageing leap but it's variable when. My sprightly, well nourished female relatives tended to experience that around 88-90. Less engaged, depressed male relative- earlier.

Mine too bless him….in fact up to age 82 he was super fit and healthy but then had a fall and it was like a deck of cards falling ….. I looked after him with increasing help for the last 2 1/2 years …the falls became more regular, he deteriorated in front of our eyes….he went from wearing nice trousers and a shirt every day to just living in pyjamas ……had another fall last October and after 3 weeks in hospital has been in a respite / rehab centre since then….the decision has been made , with his agreement , that he will be moving into a care home permanently sometime this week…..the relief is immense, I could feel myself dying from the inside those 2 1/2 years …..I love my dad to bits and he understands ( on good days !!!) why this needs to happen…. It very nearly broke me as an only child and that’s with a wonderful DH and lovely friends/carers…
my mum on the other hand dropped dead at 82, still doing her washing, her hair and wearing nice clothes and make up every day…..it really varies OP…

Yes depends. Mine is 83 very needy. Manipulative if she doesnt get her way. Def very draining. Personality too of course varies with people

It depends on the individual. It could be the difference between alive and dead It could be the difference between learning Spanish and becoming more involved in the local chess club. Who knows.

The average male life expectancy in the UK is less than 80, 83 for women. So for most people getting to 80 or 85 at all is an achievement.

I posted upthread in May that my parents were 88 and 83 and both doing pretty well. They're now 89 and nearly 84 and still doing pretty well. Fingers crossed it carries on like this but realistically I know it will change for the worse at some point.

I noticed this had come back in my active feed. I posted back in May my parents were turning 80 and I was worried about the decline in one of them. A few months later we hit a crisis and we are now looking at nursing home care as she’ll never recover. I think another poster hit it on the head that people are probably fine until there is a health crisis but if there is an unexpected illness or bad fall at that age, it can go downhill pretty quickly.

What your colleague said has been true for my dad. At 80 he wasn't much different from 70 - active, lots of hobbies, sharp as ever. At 85 he's still got no diagnoses, but he's just so much frailer, he doesn't do his hobbies any more (too tired, too much for him these days) and just spends a lot of his time sitting quietly or napping. He's starting to get muddled too and we're fairly sure he has dementia.

Mum's late 70s and still doing well but she has some health issues so I do fear the next 5 years.

DH and I are both approaching 80. Mentally we are almost as sharp. We just very occasionally need help with physical and mental things. I have deteriorated slightly more than DH. He is very fit, but just aging in gentler ways. He daytime naps more and feels the cold more.

I do believe it is genes as lots of our family lived independently well into their 90s.

I think you are right that there is a big difference between 80 and 85. We are fortunate that we have a very open relationship with DCs and have been able to discuss our future needs. We are financially secure and will both be willing to pay for and accept outside help.

I had the first 10 years of my retirement ruined caring for very nasty mother and stepfather. I am determined not to impose on my kids in the same way.

Dad is 81 and amazing, very active, very motivated. Loves getting out and about, real zest for life still. I'm expecting a decline at any moment but having lost mum years ago, I feel very lucky to have had him so long and in such good health.

My dad was super at 80. Very old man now at 85

I think every in has a buffer - cognitively and physically. They can gradually deteriorate within that buffer without any real noticeable difference, however once they reach the edge of that buffer the impacts really ramp up very quickly.

@Platespace if he shouldn’t really still be driving then what are you doing about this? While it might be convenient, if they cause an accident how would you feel then about turning a blind eye?

As people have said, varies a lot. Some people seem 'elderly' at 72 and some people are still lively and sprightly at 87. Some people gradually go downhill over years, some people experience a health setback and seem to age 10 years 'overnight'.

My granddad was still pretty active in his late 80s but honestly, even though his health wasn't that bad the last 3 years of his life, I remember thinking about 18 months before he died that I hoped he didn't have to live too long as he was, as it seemed such a shadow of his former life.

My parents are 85 and 83. Still Driving abroad for holidays. Live totally independently. No help, not even a cleaner. Both drive. A few health issues but nothing major. No dementia signs.
So it really depends on the individual I think.

My mum's mobility rapidly decreased between 80 and 85. At 80 she could walk easily. At 85 she uses a rollator, both in and outdoors.

She used a stick for about 2 years before getting the rollator aged 84. She can still walk up steps slowly.

It's great, gives her much more freedom and she can sit down whenever she needs. And carry her shopping.

I'm sorry for your loss and the terrible shock that must have been for her whole family @Anedina but what a bloody marvellous way to go that was, for your mum.

walking slightly less miles than before

A family friend of ours had a health check when he turned 90, and complained to the doctor that he couldn't walk very far these days.

Doc: "Oh I'm sorry to hear that. How far can you manage? Ten metres."

FF (puzzled): "More than that."

Doc: "That's good. How about 10 or 20?"

FF (still puzzled): "Well obviously.'

Doc: "How about 50 or 100m."

FF (starting to get fed up): "I'm not that old yet!"

Doc: "OK. Well, how far then".

FF: "Ten miles or so. But I have to have a sit down after the first 5 now."

My dad’s 85 this year and has just come back from a week’s driving holiday in Germany. He was disappointed he was too old to hire a van for the trip. He didn’t even retire until 75 (Doctor). He’s a bit slower physically than at 80, due to a knee injury. He's still driving a very large car daily, still working out in his home gym, still going out for coffees everyday, walking slightly less miles than before. His wife is about 10 years younger than him though, I imagine that makes a difference, though they do quite a lot of things separately. He had bowel cancer in his early 70’s, diabetic, arthritis and a knee injury but otherwise is very fit. He does look like an old man now though, scrawny and wispy thinning hair. I think it’s going to be entirely different experiences from everyone. I know one of my granny’s seemed very frail from about 65 onwards, both grannies always seemed very old before their time compared to today’s experiences.

Mine was out driving shopping lunching etc.
then a bad fall indoors
never been the same again.
now totally debilitated with carers, and so skinny due to loss of appetite after the fall due to pain and medication.
I still can’t believe the rapid change. She just can’t put on weight and is a shadow of her formal self.

And she refuses to do exercises and eats like a bird despite telling everyone the opposite and genuinely doesnt understand why she’s not putting in weight or getting her mobility back so her reasoning/brains not right now either, despite being intelligent and working things out in other areas of life (competitions mostly), she just believes the lies she tells us despite being well aware of the truth.

so sad for her.

Yes, so true.

My parents deteriorated a lot between 80-85, mainly to do with mobility.

My dad is 87 and certainly doesn’t facially look it. At 80 he was fitting new kitchen units, painting ceilings, very fit. In those 7 years he has almost died twice and now has to have a pacemaker fitted. He really has aged in those 7 years.

My mother is 81 and is very fit, she certainly does keep on about dying though. I did tell her to give that a rest last week as I can see my dad getting extremely pissed off every time she mentions it.