Dad terminally ill, lives alone anxious wants to go into a home

I'm so sorry. My dad died recently from osephagal cancer. The thing is, there were different stages. He was at home living independently for a few months, even though he could only take soup and ice cream at the end. Then he ended up in hospital and from there he moved to a continuous care end of life facility, where he stayed til he passed away (3 months).

It could be that you are stuck until your dad deteriorates. One thing we did discover is that our local hospice has a day centre and basically the only chance of a bed is if you were already attending the day centre.

An adult social care assessment could really help, and you should ask for a carers assessment xx

Are the District Nurses visiting? In my area they do most of the palliative care. They also apply for Fasttrack Continuing Healthcare funding if the person is felt to be in the last 12 months of life. it is a different eligibility to the one which @Hairyfairy01 mentioned and much less complex in terms of asessment.

When you speak to his GP, mention that he seems to be losing ground day by day and you would like him seen to determine if there is a reversible cause for the change, or if preparation needs to be made for his end of life care.

My dad was prescribed with Mirtazipine when he got a cancer diagnosis and was struggling mentally. It helped calm him down and increased his appetite.

Hospice would be best. Ask the GP for a referral.

This - they were fantastic when mum got a terminal cancer diagnosis

He can get anti anxiety tablets prescribed

It sounds as though your DF should be in a nursing home. If he is readmitted to hospital you need to insist on this. Do not be available if there are attempts to discharge him home. The discharge team and social workers should facilitate this, but will be reluctant because of cost. It might be worth asking about NHS CHC funding as well, although unless fast-track it is difficult to get. So my advice would be to call an ambulance the next time he is unwell enough to justify it, eg has a fall, has breathing difficulties etc; so that he is readmitted to hospital. Since he himself wants to be properly looked after there isn't any other realistic option, you cannot possibly care for him yourself.

Your GP or hospital should be able to provide details of the local palliative care team (MacMillan, Marie Curie, or other more local charities). Ours received funding from the NHS to provide the palliative care & applied for emergency CHC funding etc. They were brilliant & made the last few weeks so much better. They were funded to come 4 times a day and were also available whenever we needed them for advice, and the nurses would come quickly when needed to assess, or set up syringe drivers etc.
You can often self refer. Google "palliative care" & your local area, but your hospital oncology nurses should be able to help, or your GP.

Pill pots buy from pharmacy or online

His GP may also prescribe your DF some anti anxiety medication

Does your DF receive this ?
If not apply
Spend the money on employing someone to help with meals or sit with him
Or
Respite in a nursing home

It is not means tested

www.gov.uk/attendance-allowance

Third contacting Macmillan.

When my mum had cancer they kicked her GP up the arse to do their job properly. They know their stuff and will be able to help.

I second getting in touch with MacMillan and asking them for advice.

Oh and can you apply for attendance allowance? This might help pay for things like cleaners, home helps etc.

Does he get any visits from nurses or anything? Any post operative follow up? DH found the community nurses very helpful when fil came back from hospital and they were trying to get everything sorted out.

Is there any possibility of your dad moving to assisted / sheltered housing?

he probably needs an increase in carer visits to ensure that all his personal needs are covered. The usual maximum is 4, and they should do feeding / drinking / medication etc. Suitable food needs to be provided for then to heat up and give to him. But really he needs a proper care assessment at home so that his ability to eat / drink / move around etc is assessed correctly.

My 80 yr old fil doesn’t have cancer but he did go very steeply downhill, and it’s been a very hard adjustment. One week he was ok, then in fairly rapid succession over a few weeks everything just fell apart physically and mentally, and partly it’s because he has given up. He just wants to move into a home and be taken care of and not have to do anything for himself. But he’s actually just ok at home with carers as far as personal care and safety goes, so there no way he’d be funded to move. So he’s stuck. He’s bored, lonely, depressed, confused, frail, early dementia and utterly miserable at home alone. It’s a horrible stage.

Please ignore @Hairyfairy01 I have no idea what their agenda is. It’s definitely not looking out for you :(

Oesophageal cancer is brutal and absolutely grim. I’m so sorry for you and your dad, having to deal with this.

I think you will need to get very, very hardline with the council, as in, clearly stating:

• if they do not arrange care your terminally ill father will be at home alone and unable to eat, toilet and is at risk of choking.
• should he die without adequate and lawfully mandated care, you will immediately seek legal advice.

Your MP may be able to help, they can be really good in crisis situations where services need to pull their finger out. Don’t sugar coat it, tell them you are desperate and your dad is approaching end of life.

Based on recent experience, I suspect you will find the St Luke's visit to be more supportive and helpful than you've received so far - the hospice charities tend to be much more caring to whole families.

Hope that proves true.

Would MacMillan or Marie Curie cancer care be able to provide any advice?

@TotallybannanasIm so sorry you are going through this - I was hoping that the situation had somehow improved since your last post.
I’ve no expertise, but hugs & solidarity.
He is so lucky to have such a caring & loving daughter as you 🌺

Sorry for any confusion, the comments related to others posters giving you well meaning but incorrect advice regarding CHC and mental capacity.

it sounds like a very stressful situation. Normally an increase in the number of care calls will be offered before any kind of placement, unless that placement can be privately funded.