This will be long so please bear with me.
I have been estranged from my mother for about 15 months after she was highly abusive towards me and my daughter; that's another story but in short, I did a 100 mile round trip to check on her as she wasn't replying to anyone's calls or texts, and when we got there she flipped, mocked me, mimicked me, called me a liar and ignored my daughter. I'm disabled and don't/can't drive far but I was worried about her so made the trip. She told me she didn't need or want me or my children.
Fast forward to now. My sister came home from Oz to see our mother, but she became sick (mum, not sis) and went into hospital and then into a care home while sis was here. My brother, whom I haven't spoken to for many years - abusive, misogynistic, racist, homophobic, far right... You get the idea - was supposed to be looking after her, but when sis came home it became apparent that she was malnourished and dehydrated.
Brother has control of her finances, although not officially. He got sacked from his job for calling in sick and then posting photos from abroad (thick s**t) but I have suspected for a long time that he has been stealing from mum's account to fund his 5 or 6 overseas holidays a year, plus dozens of weekends away in between.
Today the care home called my sister and said that the initial funding for mums care has run out and none has been put in place, so they're kicking her out. Brother was supposed to be sorting out an interim order to access her funds to pay, but he hasn't, and now she faces being moved into a council care home... The home she is in now is lovely with en suite bathrooms etc and costs almost 2k a week.
When sis contacted brother, he said he no longer wants to deal with it, so she's lost her place in this nice care home.
Sis managed to get hold of mums bank statements when she was here (she's back in Oz now) and brother has mum's credit card... He has been withdrawing £300 every few days, as much as 2k per month, and that money has not gone to mum. What's more, sis took photos of text messages on mum's phone to brother asking for her credit card, which he has refused.
I fully believe he has either emptied her bank account completely so there is no money for her care, or he has realised that her finances will now be examined and he stands to be found out. His girlfriend is only on a low pay grade and he doesn't work so there's no way they can afford these holidays on their own... He's getting married in Morocco in November!
My sister wants me to apply for deputyship so that I can make decisions about her finances. But having looked into it, I don't know if I can. I am in ill health myself, I'm disabled, and am now under cardiology and also waiting for a liver scan as bloods show some kind of liver disease. I'm crippled with arthritis, pernicious anaemia, fibro, and walk on crutches. I survive on a very part time self employed income, and PIP. I'm not even sure if I would be approved due to my own very precarious financial position. It costs upwards of 1k to apply for deputyship with all the fees etc, and while I know I can apply to the courts for exemption, they don't have to accept it and I can't afford to pay all that money; I can barely pay my own rent.
My sister wants me to do it rather than her because she would never get exemption from the fees due to savings, and also because it will be easier as she's on the other side of the world.
But I honestly don't know if I have it in me. I care about my mum but after the abuse she gave both me and my daughter last year, I had made peace with not having her in my life (she's very narcissistic and difficult to get on with at the best of times, and had never been there for me during the worst periods of my life). Stress causes me to flare up massively with pain, I'm being investigated for heart disease, I have high blood pressure and brain lesions which have caused memory loss and brain fog... Stress is very bad for me.
I don't know what to do about my brother; I want to report him to the police but my sister is the one with the evidence. He's got form and did time in borstal for robbery, by the way. It sickens me that he is doing this.
Has anyone here been through the deputyship application? Or dealt with a thieving scumbag sibling? I'm so stressed even thinking about it all.
If you have read this far, thank you.