I have left the rollercoaster-help me never get back on

Very brave of you OP, huge well done. Your DP has clearly had enough and so have you. I have a situation with my own family where I'm having to step right back for my own sanity - it's not easy but I keep reminding myself to 'sit with the discomfort '. It's really helping, and overall I'm feeling more peaceful and less fraught

Keep posting, we're here to listen

@BlueLegume sorry I'm not 100% clear on what's happening

Have you gone NC and you've told her that?

Hope you can find peace

I know you have a backlog of stuff to do but I'd suggest booking a quick weekend away with DH - even just to a city not too far away

This is an excellent idea, it would create a proper 'break' between how things have been and how they're going to be going forward, kind of a marker for the change. Please don't doubt yourself OP, or give in to the inevitable guilt, we're here if you feel yourself weakening

Yes, anyone can join, but right now @BlueLegume you and Mr Blue need to be prioritised to get you over these first few months. The temptation to 'just answer the phone or 'pop round' is hard wired across all your decades.
I know you have a backlog of stuff to do but I'd suggest booking a quick weekend away with DH - even just to a city not too far away.

Ah but it is about you, for now at least. You are conditioned to not have anything good be about you. You’ve done a brave, strong, bold thing. This is your moment 💐

Well done! Stay strong.

Oh love.

I was nc with my mum on and off for a few years - she refused outside help (think big 4 bed house, massive garden) and expected me to 'do' for her whilst my own home fell into disrepair. Meanwhile my brother could do no wrong, despite being no help whatsoever.
My relationship with my mum was destroying my relationship with dc and dp. I HAD to take a step back for my own good, and she managed, sort of, martyring herself to cut the grass over 4 days, and roping in several other folk to do what she'd been expecting me to do alone.

I felt the guilt op. You will feel it too. You HAVE to put on your own oxygen mask first. Protect yourself, your relationship with dh and any dc. Then, and only then, do you offer only what you can to your mum. Help is available to her, she can choose to accept it - she is currently choosing NOT to accept it, and she will soon begin to feel the consequences.

It's tough. Be kind to yourself.

I’ve been NC with my poisonous witch of a mother for 9 months, and I highly recommend it. Well done for taking the first step to prioritising yourself over drama 💐

I found early on I occasionally had pangs of guilt, of thinking I maybe remembered it as being worse than it really was, maybe it’s not her fault, maybe I’m being too harsh. Tell yourself you trust your own judgement and tgat your decisions are sound. Maybe write down your feelings and reasons now so if future Blue wobbles you can remind yourself.

About time, keep it up ❤️

Very much here to support you. It will continue to be a rollercoaster I suspect, your M and my M seem cut from a similar cloth having followed your threads. But at least it is your rollercoaster now and you can apply the brakes when you need to.

One word of advice, if ASC are already aware of your M, you might want to drop them a note to flag you are stepping back and that she is likely to need support going forward. It won't stop the crisis from happening at some point, but they will be primed in advance. Having had all sorts of flying monkeys hurled at me over the past few months it was reassuring to see in the final care assessment that they flagged I had raised Mum with ASC as a concern on several occasions.

Good luck 🍀

And every time you're tempted to get back on it, then come here and post your dilemma and we'll all shout at you.

I've seen lots of your messages over my time of hanging out in the elderly parents room (how is this decorated? A lot of unnecessary occasional tables and trip-hazard Persians in the case of mine).

I am totally by your side on this ride - many many congratulations Blue! I'm lucky that my parents are/were courteous and essentially kind, but god I've still been severely tested by the last five years. Your mother sounds horrendous. And even if she wasn't, you still have to prioritise yourself and your relationship. I bet your partner has made this ultimatum as the only way to force you to look after yourself.

Congratulations @BlueLegume I have wished this day for you for a very long time. You have been building up to this for many, many months. Archive your DM on What's App while you get your 'ducks in a row'. You don't need to phone her or tell her, or indeed your DBro, but you will need to tell your DSis. We are here for her, too.
You can do this! Hopefully in a week or so you will be feeling a whole lot less burned out and happier.