Mum given DNR

32 replies

Fluffycloudsfloatinginthesky · 28/04/2025 21:25

Just posting in here for support I guess. My mum has been in hospital after a fall she has sometimes been a bit confused but was moved ward as she no longer had medical requirements. Yet 2 days later she has been given a DNR and they say she still has an infection.

iI just found out tonight and have no idea if they don’t think she will pull through and something is imminent or it’s a ‘just in case’ thing.

its just all too much. I have a dd who is awaiting CAMHS referral and struggling at school, my eldest is sitting A levels in 2 weeks and has just been referred for CBT and also to Gastroenterology as she’s constantly feeling sick and keeps having to leave lessons.

My sister has massive mental health issues and I know she won’t be able to cope. My dad obviously will find it hard.

I just feel like everyone will be leaning on me and I could do with a bit of someone to lean on.

OP posts:

Original poster

Fluffycloudsfloatinginthesky · 28/04/2025 21:47

No I think I understand why - she has a broken arm, existing COPD and some other ongoing stuff, including what look to be memory issues. So it’s linked into that. They had the discussion with my dad and said that due to the amount of existing issues they thought it was the right option.

I am not shielding my sister but I know she won’t be able to cope if the worst happpens. She is in all likelihood autistic and my mum is her support when she needs it.

My dad will probably just shut down his feelings - I think he may be where the ND came from!

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Soonenough · 28/04/2025 21:40

I'm surprised this was given without a discussion with you first. There must a medical reason why intervention would not be helpful. I would try and see if you can arrange to speak to someone that could explain it to you . You need to try and take care of yourself OP you have a lot on your shoulders . Your sister and father are adults and shouldn't be sheltered from the reality of things if it means you are overwhelmed.

LittleGreenDragons · 28/04/2025 21:38

You need to find out why the doctors have put that on her. It could be a case of mistaken identity, or wrong paperwork or anything.

Original poster

Fluffycloudsfloatinginthesky · 28/04/2025 21:37

I assume they discussed with my Dad - it was my sister called and told me. I’m planning on going down tomorrow to see her and speak to doctors (if they will speak to me)

im going to wait until tomorrow to speak to him as I don’t want my girls to realise tonight anything is wrong until I actually know a little more. My sister is actually staying there at the moment anyway which is good.

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MadeofCoffee · 28/04/2025 21:33

Yes, that's a very good point, you really should have the situation explained to you.

SoftandQuiet · 28/04/2025 21:31

They should really have discussed/ explained the situation with you, unless your mum's completely with it and said she didn't want you involved. Ring tomorrow morning and ask to speak to her doctor.

MadeofCoffee · 28/04/2025 21:31

Sending hugs. That's really difficult. I've no experience re: DNR but that must be devastating to know and be going through. I hope you can find some rl support from somewhere. You absolutely must allow yourself some time to yourself to process everything if you can

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