Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Elderly parents
Original poster

Elderly GF suddenly needing care but possible deprivation of assets issue

110 replies

ThisBreezySnake · 13/04/2025 16:57

Hi, my GF is 93 and has been living alone since my GM died 8 years ago. He has always been fit and well and was even driving up until recently.

He has been slowing down over the past few years but nothing out of the ordinary other than ageing.

A Couple of weeks ago he fell at home and hit his head, it was a small cut with lots of blood but despite my best efforts refused to go to hospital. I got my nurse friend to check him out and all was OK.

Since then he has become almost a shell of himself, he is unsteady, cannot use stairs, cannot go to the toilet alone etc.

On the day of the fall he went to stay with my Dad, they have a somewhat tumultuous relationship, neither are easy people but I would say my Dad is the worse of the two (I don't get along well with him either).

GF has another son but they are estranged and don't speak to one another at all.

After a few days at Dad's I was phoned to come urgently, Dad said GF had hit him for no reason. GF says this is an exaggeration and Dad had pushed him to his limit (I can well believe this).

GF insisted on returning home and I was going there at least twice a day to check on him. He does not have a downstairs loo but told me he was managing to get upstairs.

On Friday when I arrived in the morning, he had knocked a table over and there was faeces on the floor. It also transpires he has been urinating in tupperware and pouring it down the sink instead of using the toilet.

He begged me to let him live with me. I don't have a spare bedroom (it's me, DH and 2 young sons). We both work and boys are in full time school.

I brought him home and he has been sleeping on the couch, I take him to the toilet and he calls me in the night when he needs to go. I'm exhausted.

He is willing to have a care assessment and I am waiting on a callback from the LA.

BUT, some years ago (10ish) my grandparents signed their home over to their 2 children (my Dad and brother) to avoid inheritance taxes. This is nothing to do with me, but would that be deprivation of assets?

Quite frankly it doesn't bother me if it was but will it affect/hold up any care plan for GF, i just want the best for him ASAP.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisBreezySnake · 13/04/2025 20:10

Shufflebumnessie · 13/04/2025 17:50

I have no idea about the deprivation of assets part of your post but it sounds as though he needs to be seen by medical professionals as soon as possible.
I know you said he adamant he won't see anyone but could you phone 111 and explain the situation, they will be able to advise (or send an ambulance if deemed necessary)? Or contact the GP first thing in the morning, and book an appointment on your GF behalf?

Edited

Sorry I should have said in my original post that whilst my GF refused hospital my Dad did ring his GP. They said that they recommend hospital and therefore there was no point in them conducting a home visit.

OP posts:
Shufflebumnessie · 13/04/2025 17:50

I have no idea about the deprivation of assets part of your post but it sounds as though he needs to be seen by medical professionals as soon as possible.
I know you said he adamant he won't see anyone but could you phone 111 and explain the situation, they will be able to advise (or send an ambulance if deemed necessary)? Or contact the GP first thing in the morning, and book an appointment on your GF behalf?

Original poster
ThisBreezySnake · 13/04/2025 17:22

ZookeeperSE · 13/04/2025 17:07

Yes, firstly, what they said up there 👆. Secondly, to answer your question, it would only be deprivation of assets in the case of care needs, if it could have reasonably anticipated, at the time, that he would need care. As you say that wasn’t the case, maybe not. However, LAs can, and do, investigate cases like this and they may still do so even if it turns out not to be the case. It shouldn’t have bearing on your GFs needs being met in the short term though.

Thank you for the advice, I just want to get him access to the right help as soon as possible!

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisBreezySnake · 13/04/2025 17:21

Jiddles · 13/04/2025 17:07

It’s possible that your local authority would consider it deprivation of assets. But that shouldn’t stop you getting your GF to somewhere where he can be safe and looked after properly. Having him in your home is obviously not something you can do indefinitely, whatever his wishes and however good your intentions. You have your own life and family to consider. (But do get him checked out for head injury.)

I agree, it's made me a prisoner in my own home, I love him dearly but it's not sustainable him being here. All I want is to help him, thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisBreezySnake · 13/04/2025 17:20

Maxiedog123 · 13/04/2025 17:02

Health professional working with elderly here. He needs a medical assessment to see if there is an illness causing a sudden change in his functioning . If he hit his head 2 weeks ago and is now confused would need to be sure hasn’t got a subdural hemetoma in his head.

I do agree but GF is refusing to go to hospital. The decline is purely physical and not cognitive, he is sharp as a tack. The faeces on the floor sounds awful but it was a small amount that was dry and hard, he hadn't realised it had happened and had rolled out of his pyjamas (sorry if tmi)

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisBreezySnake · 13/04/2025 17:17

Cyclingforcake · 13/04/2025 17:01

He needs to go to hospital and be checked out if he has deteriorated that acutely after a minor head injury. I would suggest a CT head to rule out a chronic sub-dural haemorrhage.

I agree and that was also the advice of my nurse friend. But he is absolutely adamant that he won't go and short of dragging him there (which we physically can't do) I can't see how it's possible.

OP posts:
ZookeeperSE · 13/04/2025 17:07

Yes, firstly, what they said up there 👆. Secondly, to answer your question, it would only be deprivation of assets in the case of care needs, if it could have reasonably anticipated, at the time, that he would need care. As you say that wasn’t the case, maybe not. However, LAs can, and do, investigate cases like this and they may still do so even if it turns out not to be the case. It shouldn’t have bearing on your GFs needs being met in the short term though.

Jiddles · 13/04/2025 17:07

It’s possible that your local authority would consider it deprivation of assets. But that shouldn’t stop you getting your GF to somewhere where he can be safe and looked after properly. Having him in your home is obviously not something you can do indefinitely, whatever his wishes and however good your intentions. You have your own life and family to consider. (But do get him checked out for head injury.)

Maxiedog123 · 13/04/2025 17:02

Health professional working with elderly here. He needs a medical assessment to see if there is an illness causing a sudden change in his functioning . If he hit his head 2 weeks ago and is now confused would need to be sure hasn’t got a subdural hemetoma in his head.

Cyclingforcake · 13/04/2025 17:01

He needs to go to hospital and be checked out if he has deteriorated that acutely after a minor head injury. I would suggest a CT head to rule out a chronic sub-dural haemorrhage.