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Elderly parents
Original poster

DM nearing end of life.. this time last week all was normal

57 replies

Channellingsophistication · 21/03/2025 22:54

My lovely normally fit and well Mum took unwell Tuesday morning early hours with what was disgnosed as a bowel blockage. At 85, she would likely not survive the operation to potentially fix it. We have literally gone from discussing her shopping list on Monday to end of life care discussions on Wednesday.

It’s very difficult to absorb. Terrified of what comes next, my DF I’m not sure has fully taken it all in. I never thought he would be the one left.

I don’t know how to face this. Such a shock.
Any words of wisdom would be appreciated. Thank you

  • [Message from MNHQ: please read OP's updates before responding]
OP posts:
reversegear · 21/03/2025 23:05

Umm on what grounds are they not operating? Does she have heart issues? I don’t want to distress you even further OP but could you get a 2nd opinion on this?

MounjaroOnMyMind · 21/03/2025 23:03

I'm so sorry for you all. It must be a terrible shock.

Wittow · 21/03/2025 23:02

This must be a terrible shock for you. Awful to go through this sort of thing...

Assuming your mum is in hospital, are they advising not even trying surgery? Is mum awake and conscious and understanding of the medical issues?

Just tell her you love her, reassure as much as possible and get as much support as you can for yourself to get through these very difficult days.

Pelican29 · 21/03/2025 23:02

Hellohowareyou112 · 21/03/2025 22:58

If she’s normally fit and well, being 85 alone shouldn’t be a reason not to operate unless she didn’t want surgery? May be worth a second opinion?

This.

PermanentTemporary · 21/03/2025 22:58

I'm so sorry - what a shock for you all.

I don't really have any words of wisdom. Don't try and put a front on for the health care team, even if you are for your mum. Share your worries and questions with them.

Hellohowareyou112 · 21/03/2025 22:58

If she’s normally fit and well, being 85 alone shouldn’t be a reason not to operate unless she didn’t want surgery? May be worth a second opinion?

Theywerebrilliant · 21/03/2025 22:57

I'm so sorry for you, it's just such a horrible time. Is your DM in hospital, at home or in a hospice? Do you know any of her wishes as to care etc? Sending massive hugs xxx