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Elderly parents
Original poster

Why do elderly people refuse to drink sufficient fluid?

290 replies

Disscombobulated · 21/03/2025 16:18

I care for my FIL, who lives with us. He has a number of complex medical issues, the most recent being kidney failure and the a UTI.

Despite years of nagging I simply can’t get him to take in sufficient fluids to stay hydrated. He is perfectly lucid (most of the time) but can’t grasp the concept of water improving his quality of life. I have tried literally every angle of discussion… including having pretty brutal conversations about him, his clothes and my house smelling because his urine is so concentrated. He just doesn’t seem to care, or have any respect for me who is dealing with the consequences, such as hospital admissions, clearing up after ‘accidents’ and all the additional cleaning involved.

numerous medical professionals have told him that he must drink 3L a day.

I am now at the stage where I am so frustrated that I don’t know if I can continue to do this.

Any advice would be appreciated, or do I simply let it go and let the worst happen?

OP posts:
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9
MyUmberSeal · 21/03/2025 17:34

godmum56 · 21/03/2025 17:30

you could have added the word "some" to your post.

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The OP has reached out for advice and help. Stop making it about yourself, and stop being pedantic.

diamondpony80 · 21/03/2025 17:34

I'm not elderly but I find it very difficult to drink sufficient water. I have to force myself but I don't get anywhere near 3L. I just feel sick if I drink any more. My 10 year old is autistic and wouldn't drink at all if I didn't keep chasing her all day about it, so I know the frustration - I think for her it's an autism thing though - she never experiences thirst or any kind of inclination to drink.

neilyoungismyhero · 21/03/2025 17:33

I drink 3 hot drinks at work in a 4 hour period and I go to the loo 3 times. If I drank 3 litres of water a day I may as well open up shop on the bathroom.

Ddakji · 21/03/2025 17:31

It’s worth asking him if he doesn’t like the taste of tap water and getting bottled - my mother loathed London water and wouldn’t drink it but did drink bottled.

But ultimately, he is an adult with agency. If he chooses not to take medical advice you are not responsible for that.

godmum56 · 21/03/2025 17:30

Disscombobulated · 21/03/2025 17:27

Firstly I am not young… but as a middle aged person struggling with this issue I have heard the same challenge from many other carers - in fact this thread would suggest that it is a common issue with elderly people.

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you could have added the word "some" to your post.

Fairyliz · 21/03/2025 17:30

Disscombobulated · 21/03/2025 17:24

He will not eat salad, or vegetables. Soup is a great idea, a shandy is unwise. If I don’t force him, and his kidneys fail again he will likely not survive - I don’t want responsibility

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How old is he op?
If he makes decisions that affect his health negatively then how can it be your ‘fault’ if he dies? You have gone above and beyond caring for him.
As someone who has cared for several elderly relatives I have realised that we are keeping people alive far longer than their natural lifespan. As a nation we have some hard decisions to make about our future health.

nokidshere · 21/03/2025 17:30

How old is he? Sorry if I missed it

Kuretake · 21/03/2025 17:28

If you are in the UK and have to drink heavily chlorinated tap water, I can completely understand why this would not be so appealing

Do you think we can't get bottled water?

Hadalifeonce · 21/03/2025 17:27

With my DM, it was the effort of having to go to the toilet more frequently.

Original poster
Disscombobulated · 21/03/2025 17:27

godmum56 · 21/03/2025 17:22

Why do young people group elderly people together as one amorphous lump?

Firstly I am not young… but as a middle aged person struggling with this issue I have heard the same challenge from many other carers - in fact this thread would suggest that it is a common issue with elderly people.

OP posts:
Bologneselove · 21/03/2025 17:25

It might be to limit the times he needs to access the toilet. In my job people have told me they struggle to walk due to pain so reduce fluid so they don’t need to urine as much.

Original poster
Disscombobulated · 21/03/2025 17:24

Nevertrustacop · 21/03/2025 17:06

Please don't make him drink water. What does he enjoy drinking? Give him that. Squash, juice, tea, coffee, lollies, soup, salad, sorbets, fruits, milk even a shandy would be great.

He will not eat salad, or vegetables. Soup is a great idea, a shandy is unwise. If I don’t force him, and his kidneys fail again he will likely not survive - I don’t want responsibility

OP posts:
ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 21/03/2025 17:24

Westfacing · 21/03/2025 17:19

He needs to drink at least 1.2 litres of fluids a day - not 3L!

Will he drink a beer a day?

HE HAS KIDNEY FAILURE

I need to hide this thread before I have a blood pressure failure.

ChocHotolate · 21/03/2025 17:24

Destiny123 · 21/03/2025 17:03

https://www.jellydrops.com/

I came on to recommend these - look and taste like sweets but 95% water.
Jelly, watermelon, cucumber and ice pops can also be recommended

godmum56 · 21/03/2025 17:23

deeahgwitch · 21/03/2025 17:21

My grandmother was the same.
She would drink tea ( with milk ) till it was coming out her ears but disliked water.

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tea is fine. any watery food or drink is fine.

TorroFerney · 21/03/2025 17:23

They are very scared of liquid! In some cases they were told that for example drinking liquids with meals would ruin their absorption of nutrients, almost watering the goodness down. I am 52 and when I was at junior school we were not allowed to have any kind of drink with our lunch.

My father in law cannot understand when we take him for breakfast why they bring a drink out first. We now have it brought after he has finished his food as he will not touch it before.

Original poster
Disscombobulated · 21/03/2025 17:22

Fluffyholeysocks · 21/03/2025 16:28

Toilet upstairs? My MIL avoids drinking so she doesn't have to go upstairs. She's had multiple UTIs and hospital admissions all down to lack of water. But she will not drink more, we've bought special jugs, lightweight kettles, squashes of every flavour imaginable but she will not drink enough.

Edited

Nope - right next to his ground floor bedroom.

OP posts:
godmum56 · 21/03/2025 17:22

Why do young people group elderly people together as one amorphous lump?

deeahgwitch · 21/03/2025 17:21

MyUmberSeal · 21/03/2025 16:26

My Nan is 98, in reasonable health but does get frequent UTI’s and they can send her loopy lou for a few days. She says she doesn’t like the taste of water and can’t be assed having to go to the loo. We nag her about it regardless, but it’s in one ear and out the other.

My grandmother was the same.
She would drink tea ( with milk ) till it was coming out her ears but disliked water.

Original poster
Disscombobulated · 21/03/2025 17:21

Westfacing · 21/03/2025 17:19

He needs to drink at least 1.2 litres of fluids a day - not 3L!

Will he drink a beer a day?

He has had kidney failure….beer would not be wise and the medical staff all say 3L! I suspect that this is in the hope that he might manage 1.5, but the reality is that he often doesn’t.

OP posts:
olderbutwiser · 21/03/2025 17:21

He knows the risks and consequences of not drinking enough. It's his choice what he does. So yes, I'd say let it go and let the worst happen. You can't change him, he has made this choice.

faerietales · 21/03/2025 17:20

Disscombobulated · 21/03/2025 17:19

Only whisky I am afraid and he really isn’t allowed that!

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So he won't eat or drink anything liquid - at all? No stews, ice-cream, sorbet, salads, roast dinner with lots of gravy, pasta with lots of sauce, casseroles, watermelon, fruit salads, veggies like cucumber? Nothing?

Brefugee · 21/03/2025 17:20

numerous medical professionals have told him that he must drink 3L a day.

i'd be questioning that strongly. It is way too much.

Original poster
Disscombobulated · 21/03/2025 17:20

Hippobot · 21/03/2025 17:18

There are ways to get fluids in that don't involve drinking loads of water though. Fruits like watermelon or vegetables like cucumber are good to add in. Juices and flavoured waters would be better than nothing (although obviously not healthy). But I'd try the food route as well. Ice lollies can be helpful, tinned fruit where you serve the juice that the fruit came in with the fruit. Even jelly and ice cream gets some fluid in.

Really helpful, thanks hadn’t considered water dense foods although he does have fruit every morning. I guess soup might be helpful too.

OP posts: