I recently got divorced and got caught up in a difficult new relationship. Then I had health problems, job loss so a lot on my plate atm. My DM has always been manipulative and as I child I was constantly adhereing to her moods and never really able to be myself. I am in therapy finally which really helps me. I am 46 my DM is 86. We live very far away from each other. I moved out at 21 for a reason. When I go to visit which is usually twice a year she bosses me around, is confrontational, conceited about everything and difficult to communicate. Of course we have lovely moments but I am mainly managing difficult situations. Anything I say is wrong but if a stranger told her the same thing it would be the best idea ever. I still at 46 need to mould to her daily moods and basically agree to everything for the peace. However when I speak to her over the phone she is completely incapable to do anything, moans all the time and complaints how everyone has a helpful son in law, grandchildren (dig I am divorced and childless) to help at little things. She has expressed her wish for me to be nearby as to buy a property where she is and be available. I can not do it and do not want to do it. I just retrained and started new career 6 months ago, I am divorced trying to find love and repair my financial situation. To do what she wants me to do I would have to be unemployed (I can not do my job where she is) and I would have to completely change my life which is not something I want to do after traumatic divorce. I know that if I was anywhere near there she would be on my case daily. She is at the stage where she and her problem are the most important. Nothing else matters. When she does not get her way she can have a tantrum. I have witnessed her tantrums and it shocked me. It included her laying on the floor with tight fists hitting the floor in anger because she is being challenged by a question or there is a request made towards her. Her recent trantrum is that she can not cope with a neighbour having 4am shower so she will sell up and move. This is a person who is not computer literate, doesnt have a smart phone but feels confident selling and buying a property (something she has never done) I know this is all attention seeking behaviour and I really do not want to bend backwards because I had a life of this behaviour and I have enough of my own problems. The selling of the property is out of question as she will only lose money, she has no guarantee what neighbours will she have in the new place, she doesnt even know the property market but has an attitude towards me and even suggest things like I should put my savings into something for her if it would not be enough. She expects I drop everything and come over to sort out her life and move. (this means me not working) I know for a fact she would not survive a move , she tells me how this current situation will kill her and is really over dramatic. She has amazing neighbours where she is now yet is able to moan about literally everyone there. Completely irrational. I know it is my mother but she has been difficult all her life yet she doesnt see it. She has a sister with whom she has not spoken for over 25 years, sister tried to reach out, nobody remebers what the amp is about. I have cousins whom I am not allowed (at 46!) to be in touch with because DM will see it as a betrayal ( no idea why, I like my cousins but keeping distance for peace). She could have a network but with her behaviour managed to isolate people over the years (doesnt see it). She has some new friends she made in the last decade but I can sense that is fading as well. She doesnt recognise her circumstances as living on her own elderly and that in life you can either be right all the time or have peace. At any cost she needs to be right therefore she isolates herself. If she was a bit softer and picked her battles people would be more incline to stick around incl me. My question here is how do you manage sutuations like this. Almost asking for a manual with what to say to her to divert the attention onto something else.