To ask advice re funerals when parents have basically cut themselves off?

Well, in late 60s early 70s, I don't think a funeral is imminent unless there are health problems.

The bigger problems occur when people become older and start having care needs. Even if one partner is better it can be exhausting looking after a frail elderly person, when one is getting less physically strong oneself. But again many people stay pretty robust until, say, their mid-eighties.

And if people are living in big houses, with no public transport, but it's getting harder to drive around safely that's an issue.

Really, the funerals don't matter. It's putting a bit of thought into the practicalities of ageing that is the important issue.

Its their choice. Why the embarrassment it doesn't reflect on you in any way? If they are content and happy leave them be.

As people get older their friendship group can shrink through illness/death. Which is what's happened to my In Laws. They were the life and soul of their community a few years back and now dementia has stopped that.

OP, are you an only child? Have you had a discussion with your parents about setting up Power of Attorney etc. You can ask them what they would like and then do that if possible. Your friends can be there to support you when it comes to say goodbye.

Direct to crem. No need for a funeral service and always possible to have a small get together with family to remember them if needed.

My great uncle died at a very advanced age.

He had many many friends and family almost all of whom died before he did.

It's not about how many friends you have.

Ah, that sounds like a difficult situation - are they happy with their choices to retreat and live a quieter life? If so, perhaps re-frame things in your mind - they are living later life on their own terms in ways that bring them contentment, with minimal stress and drama that other people can sometimes bring.

I think it's worth remembering that a funeral, or any other arrangements for the deceased, is primarily for the benefit and consolation of the people left behind in mourning. To support, share memories and start to grieve.

There is no obligation to hold a funeral (and some people request not to have one). A direct cremation is an option, as an earlier poster mentioned. A private memorial service or memorial event some time afterwards in whatever way seems fitting might be worth thinking about. I know of a family that went on holiday to their relative's favourite destination to remember them and celebrate their loved one's life.

It doesn't matter how many people are at your funeral. You're not there to see it. If they're living life the way they want to, right now, that's all that matters.

Have a small service at the crematorium and a quiet get together in a pub or at someone's house afterwards.

A big funeral is absolutely pointless.

Don't be embarrassed! Maybe they have few contacts because that's how they like it, maybe it's because relationships have been difficult or traumatic. I have a very solitary DP and when the time comes I'll probably arrange a private cremation, more and more people I know are doing this for a variety of reasons.

You don’t have a big funeral, you either do a small crem send off, or you do direct to crem. Have you asked their preferences?

Not everyone has loads of friends. And younger, active people get many more funeral goers.

My dad got a full church as he was outgoing and gregarious. And, crucially, died before his friendship group.

I wouldn’t get many because I am introverted and find people exhausting. I just dont have close friends, and being autistic i find it harder and harder each year to mask enough to cultivate social connections. But it doesn’t actually bother me - because I’m happy as I am.

maybe they don’t care either.