Not having medical procedures in old age

Not unless you have PoA

It depends on quality if life doesn't it. My mother had a heart valve replaced last year. She's 88 now. As she did then, she still walks a mile up to the village and back most days, cooks a roast dinner, plays bridge and has an active social life with her 80 year old husband.

She could pass for 75, still goes to dinner dances and maintains a wardrobe most people would envy.

@Orangesandlemons77 I'm 64, still working, very happy and have a wonderful life. I think cancer treatment depends on one's quality of life. MIl has parkinson's dementia but still has capacity. She had some cancer investigations last week and I'm pretty sure she and DH, who has PoA, will decline anything invasive, providing she can remain pain free or relatively so.

I've written a fairly brutal Advanced Refusal of Treatment and it's in my GP notes. I've started the Lasting Power of Attorney process for myself, giving POA to dp and ds. I'm 55 and I'm.not even convinced I would want life-prolonging treatment now, never mind in 20-30 years. The tricky thing is when treatment that manages symptoms also prolongs life.

Frankly I have a fairly bleak view of how things happen when the crap actually hits the fan. I've seen someone with advanced dementia and a long-standing advanced directive specifically refusing life prolonging treatment, who had a feeding tube up their nose. I've had a response from a doctor when both I and a close relative were questioning a form of treatment, and the response was 'this is what we do in these cases'. Not exactly personalised treatment.

I don't think my mum is actively suffering but I do know that the life she has been living for three years is the opposite of what she wanted. But she didn't write any of it down. No POA for health. She got the default treatment, ameliorated by our advocacy but our powers was so limited.

You talk a lot of sense, OP. I would always prioritise my quality of life over length.

@Orangesandlemons77

Thanks for the link. Something to look into.

I think it is tricky. You can live years with heart failure and have a terrible quality of life. It isn't just a case of refusing a treatment and being dead tomorrow. I would say in general the NHS doesn't overly treat / investigate those with dementia, but yes, it is worth while recording your wishes in advance.

Young people have a massive fear of getting old, and think they couldn’t live the life of an elderly person with the poor health that often comes with age.

By middle age, people are at peak unhappiness and the age related health issues are starting to creep in. They’re also watching their elderly parents pass away and the FFS I’m now eldest generation in family and ergo the next to die.

So the fear you’ve had from youth of getting old plus the realisation you are now aging often makes middle aged people think they can’t go through with it.

But as a pp said, when you get there, to being elderly you often find life isn’t as bad as you feared and it’s worth fighting for the good things you still have and feel.

I definitely don't want any life prolonging treatments should I be diagnosed with dementia. My grandmother suffered horribly because of it, and they kept patching her up.

My other grandmother is in her late eighties and recently suffered from a heart attack. They could not find proof of her DNR documentation in time so the paramedics and the doctor treated her. She's had a pacemaker fitted and is as good as she was. She is a bit forgetful at times but not like my other grandmother was.

For me the line would probably be the point where I stop recognising my relatives.

I agree with @Holesintheground.

My MIL in her middle aged, used to refer to elderly people who were clearly losing their faculties, saying to my DH "if I get like that, promise me you'll give me a pill". This happened regularly

Of course, when she did get "like that", she'd stopped saying it, LOL.

Hi OP

I don’t know what the medical ethics are on which these types of decisions are based. I presume if the patient can make an informed choice that’s what the doctors go with. Where capacity is in doubt, do the family’s wishes influence the decision?

The surgical side probably look at whether any op will be successful in prolonging life, and will do it if the answer is yes, and the patient has not expressly declined.

You’ve made me think now! My mum has many times said she doesn’t want life-prolonging treatment in a case where she is not able to advocate for herself (stroke/dementia) but doesn’t have, as far as I know, anything in writing. I wonder how I would fare if that were the situation? Would I be listened to if I had to vocalise her wishes?

It's very common that older people who might once have said 'I would rather go than linger on in poor health' tend to change their minds. The problem is that it's dubious to argue that they aren't allowed to change their mind.

It's a very personal thing. I have seen both sides - medics diligently treating someone in his mid 80s whose time had obviously come, but also, recently, someone who had a heart attack (also mid 80s) and was saved by prompt use of a defib... as the heart attack had happened in his spin class.

The first man still had capacity and, despite having a somewhat alarming enthusiasm for assisted suicide, when it came to it, he made not one demand for the doctors to withdraw treatment.
So how people feel when their health fails can sometimes not be how they expected.

Always good to have a think and make your wishes clear!