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Elderly parents
Original poster

Mum is at the end and I feel so sad and helpless

36 replies

profiterolesarelovely · 01/02/2025 22:25

Sorry, a pointless post really, I just wanted to share with people who understand. Mum has had Alzheimer’s for about 7 years. She also recently had a stroke. I live about 300 miles away and work full time - also mum to 3 teenagers but travel to see her when I can.
I came up this weekend after two weeks not seeing her and she has massively deteriorated
She doesn’t recognise me, has pretty much stopped speaking and is just lying in bed . She’s not there but I can’t grieve her because she’s still alive.
Her partner is nursing her at home with carers visiting.
She doesn’t seem distressed or in pain. She doesn’t seem anything. I can’t stop crying and just feel so sad.
thank you for reading

OP posts:
Seaside31 · 01/02/2025 22:46

@profiterolesarelovely It’s the cruelest disease. I’m so sorry for what your family is going through 💐
I’ve been there myself with a family member and it was like going through some kind of grieving process twice - once for everything that made her her and then once for her physical self.

Its not a stupid thing to post at all - lots of people on here have been through similar. And sometimes it’s nice to be able to write down your actual feelings to strangers rather than sharing them out loud.

Notgivenuphope · 01/02/2025 22:45

profiterolesarelovely · 01/02/2025 22:30

Thank you. Such a stupid, self-indulgent thing for me to post because no one can do anything but it helps to know I’m not alone

Of course it isn’t. Anticipatory grief is very very real.
So sorry OP.

shellyleppard · 01/02/2025 22:44

Sending you the biggest of hugs x 🙏🫂❤️

Purplecatshopaholic · 01/02/2025 22:43

Been there op, I’m so sorry. Finally lost my mum just before Christmas, but she hadn’t known me, or have any quality of life, for a few years really. It’s brutal. Hugs to you, there’s nothing anyone can say or do, but we do understand.

RobertJohnsonsShoes · 01/02/2025 22:41

We found out my dad was dying 2 weeks before he died. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you, the anticipatory grief. We had two weeks of it and I felt like I was going to die of heartbreak.

Be kind to yourself and don't chastise yourself for feeling whatever it is you're feeling. When he died I didn't cry for a week and I felt so guilty about this. Do whatever it is you can to deal with what you're going through. It is rough

Seaside1234 · 01/02/2025 22:39

It's a horrendous disease - I lost my mum to Alzheimer's 4 years ago, and I know so well that feeling of grieving someone while they're still there. Thinking of you and everyone who loves her. It's not self-indulgent at all to reach out for support, there are so many of us who know exactly how you feel. Virtual hugs xx

Desperatelyseekingreason · 01/02/2025 22:36

I'm so sorry that you and your Mum are going through this. It's such a tough time. Sending you my best wishes.

Original poster
profiterolesarelovely · 01/02/2025 22:30

Thank you. Such a stupid, self-indulgent thing for me to post because no one can do anything but it helps to know I’m not alone

OP posts:
SexAndCakes · 01/02/2025 22:28

sending you a hug OP xx

onwardandupwards · 01/02/2025 22:28

I'm so sorry about your mum, sending you lots of love x

CheshireCats · 01/02/2025 22:27

Sending you all the love op. It's heartbreaking. Big hugs x

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