Mum is at the end and I feel so sad and helpless

Thinking of you OP, and hoping you are OK.
My wonderful FIL is in the early stages of Alzheimers and it makes me so very sad thinking of what will happen.
Sending you big virtual hugs, hope you have lots of support.

So sorry, OP. Thinking of you ❤️

I am so sorry, thinking of you and your family

I'm so very sorry, @profiterolesarelovely . We are never ready to lose our mum💔

I’m sorry your Mum and you have been through these hard times. Hopefully in time you will be able to remember the Mum before all this. It is a difficult time; for me it helped to remember that this is the natural order. It’s also an enormous loss for us which is hard to come to terms with. All the best to you.

I am so sorry for your loss. Sending you big hugs. Take care of yourself

Dear OP, I just saw your thread. I am very, very sorry for your loss. Be very kind and gentle with yourself

I am so sorry you have lost your lovely mum. It sounds as though she had a very peaceful passing which is what we all hope for but it must be really really tough for you. 💐

I'm sorry for your loss. I felt that it was a release when my dad went, he had cancer and had been very unwell for some time. It sounds trite but he was at peace and his suffering was over so it was a mixture of grief and relief at the end.

I'm so so sorry OP, how devastating. Take care of yourself, I hope you have lots of support. May your mother rest in peace now. ❤️

I'm so sorry OP, I've been exactly where you are and it's indescribable.

Be kind to yourself, cry if /when you need to.

Remember your mum at her best, not the version that alzheimers made her xx

I’m so sorry for your loss OP.

The death of a parent is one of life’s biggest events. It sounds like the end was peaceful albeit incredibly sad and painful for you all. But she was home and surrounded by love and I think that is what most of us would long for given the choice.

Death is an inevitable part of living and as much as you can try to focus on the life your mum had. Share memories and photos and give yourself whatever time and grace you need to process this.

Grief never goes away and it never lessens but our lives around it grow so that it doesn’t take up so much space in the day to day and the possibility to think of your mum and the first memories be good ones becomes more the norm.

Thank you for sharing with us.

I think this is a balance it's incredibly hard to get right.
My elderly relative was in hospital last autumn - mid 80s, his second bout of cancer, had gone downhill very quickly in the preceding fortnight.
His wife and I both thought he was a goner and were bewildered that they kept on with the IV antibiotics and even a feeding tube and drip. Did they know something we didn't?
He was still "in there" and had capacity, so all I could do was show them what he'd put in his POA and urge them to ask him if he wanted those things.

If your Mum gave her partner or you health PoA, which box did she tick - did she opt in to let you make decisions regarding the withdrawal of medical treatment and nutrition ?
Either way, you can ask to talk with her doctors and carers about "best interests" and see where that leads. It can just be a discussion - see what everyone says and a consensus may emerge naturally.

I'm so sorry. It sounds dreadful. Your poor mum and poor you as well. 💔

Same here. Dad suddenly looks up and smiles after days and days of nothing. It’s so difficult it’s certainly the long goodbye.

I’m going through this with my dad. He's in a care home, no longer speaks, needs help and encouragement eating, sleeps a lot. I hear you, you’re not alone. It’s a cruel disease. Hugs x

You're not alone. My DM asked me who I was when I visited last weekend. It's heartbreaking and I worry my DC might see me like that one day.

This is not self indulgent at all, it shit and really fucking hard! I am in a very similar position my Mum has Alzheimer's diagnosed about the same time, living grief is a very real thing. I am fortunate to live very close but Mum has been unable to speak now for a few years, I attended find myself talking about her in the past tense, even though she is still here.

It sounds like she has declined very quickly which is always scary and more pronounced when you don't get the chance to see her all the time. Do what you can and be kind to yourself

So sorry OP. Not self indulgent at all. It’s heartbreaking. Harder for you than it is for her, if she seems peaceful?

I am so sorry, that must be really distressing for you. How is her partner coping?

Not at all. You vent away here @profiterolesarelovely: we are all listening. Thinking of you and sending love and light to you and your mum.