How long does end of life last?

We are almost at this stage with my Mum. The nursing home say she is deteriorating and talk about end of life care starting soon but we have no indication of how long we have for anything - it's very hard.

Thank you so much. No nothing has been said? It’s all happened really quickly and has been quite a shock. Just hate the thought that she’ll just wither away. Awful to watch. Thanks again - really appreciate it xx

I’m so sorry Starling57. There’s no way to say. Can the nurses or palliative care team give you an idea. Huge hugs to you. It’s a very tough time.

My Mum is in end of life care. She is in hospital and is on morphine and nothing else. She is breathing very heavily and is semi conscious. Does anyone know how long she will be like this? It’s awful to see her like it. She’s been on morphine for maybe the past 24 hours.

Both parents lasted quite a few days in this stage. Yes, it's horrible.

It’s horrible to sit and watch. And always takes longer than they tell you. My dad was sleepier than usual the day he died, but concious and eating (a little) that day too. His hands and feet were very swollen the day he died, his heart wasn’t circulating the blood properly.

My dad was put on end of life care a few days before the Queen’s funeral. I remember watching it beside his bed while he slept. Watching Charles at the funeral and thinking how I was going to be in his shoes next.

Id like to think it’s much less upsetting for them that it is for us. Keep your strength up.x

My Nan lasted 8 days on a pain relief driver,no food and just swabs on her mouth. Was debated to see and -sorry if offends anyone - shouldn't be allowed. The suffering she endured was atrocious

It isn't a pathway that people who are dying are placed on, it’s a natural process. Active death has a pathway that the body takes. Firstly, the body no longer requires food or drink and in fact to give them any will prolong the inevitable and not in a good way. The digestive system has shut down so they are more likely to vomit and be in pain.
It’s hard to watch and goes against everything we think should be happening, but it’s absolutely natural. I felt like you when I watched my grandma die over 24 hours, but once I did research about the process it all made perfect sense. My stepfather died a few months ago, and was actively dying for 6 days. It was very peaceful.

My Dad was 17 days, I think. Even the nursing staff couldn't believe he was still with us - and he had an awful breathing pattern for the last 10 days. I sat with him for hour after hour, and left at 1pm as I needed to eat. As I walked out the door, I kissed him and told him to go when he was ready - I'd miss him every day for the rest of my life but I knew he had to leave. Nurse rang me 15 minutes later to say he'd gone. The old bugger, I knew he would go on his terms.

This part is the worst, OP. Look after yourself.

My dad lived for 16 days with no food or water

I don't think the body can possibly endure much more than five days if zero fluid is going in. I take it your mum is heavily sedated and on morphine, and unaware. Very sorry, it is a relief when they pass. 💐

It was five days for my DF.

I am thinking of you.

So sorry about your mum OP.

My DH wasn't old when he died (had cancer) but he developed that breathing where he'd pause for up to 50 seconds before the next breath. He lasted a couple of weeks with that, but he was having small amounts of food and fluid.

The body requires water for every bodily process, so if your DM isn't taking any fluids down at all then I wouldn't expect her to last too many days. I hope she has a peaceful passing.

Sending hope that your DM passes soon and peaceful. Tell her she can go, and then cry your heart out

I told my mum she was brilliant but it was okay for her to go now.
She had had a massive bleed on her brain, and was not really able to swallow and had the rattle breath but she had been like that for two days.
Once I told her to go, she took two more breaths and went. You do have to tell them you can manage without them.
Actually it's a massive lie and I still need her several years on, but she didn't need to lie in that bed for another two weeks.

It’s not hideous if done properly and at the right time. Giving water to someone who can’t swallow very well can make them choke. It also prolongs suffering if their body can’t actually process fluids.

So sorry to hear this, when dad was at this stage the nurse told me to give him permission to go as you'll be ok and their hearing is the last thing to go. Sending you love.

It can be any minute, to a couple more days. Hope you're doing okay OP. You're not alone.

For my dad, and also my best friend’s mum who were both put on the hideous ‘pathway’ where they stop food and water, it was 10 days.

Sorry to hear you are going through this OP.
no words of advice, just sending good wishes to you at this time.

Sorry you are going through this. I do know someone who lasted 13 days after water was withdrawn, but her family were moistening her lips with water so maybe she got tiny amounts then.

My mum lived for just over 4 weeks after she stopped eating. Eventually I spoke to a doctor about removing the I. V. She died two days after.

The important thing is that the dying is a natural,process that is without pain. Gradually all senses are lost, hearing being the last one to go. I was shocked at how long my tiny mum could go without food.

I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this. As you know, everyone is different and timings vary.
My uncle died in 2023. He'd had a stroke and was on end of life care but I visited him at the weekend and although he couldn't form the words, he was trying to talk to me and knew who I was (I think). He died the next morning. Although we were expecting it, we weren't expecting it to be so quick.
I have lost both my mum and dad who were on end of life care and I think they both hung on for about a week. Maybe slightly less.
All you can do is be there for them. Hold their hand. Tell them you love them and it's ok to let go.
I really feel for you because it's horrendous

Currently going through this. Mum seems very calm and on a driver but no morphine yet. Nil by mouth, just swabs to moisten lips. Stopped drinking on Wednesday and has not eaten since she vomited the previous Wednesday. She looks at me every few minutes and then closes her eyes again. Praying she slips away like this without any pain or stress.