Getting elderly relative to hospital appointments - how?

@HappyHolidai we have used Driving Miss Daisy for my FIL. They did an outstanding job moving him from one care home to another. V professional and thoughtful of his individual needs. They have also taken him to a hospital appointment when we were unable to, they accompanied him, waiting with him, took notes for us and settled him home afterwards. Not a free service, but absolutely brilliant if there is a branch in your area

There's a volunteer driver service where mum lives but she has thoroughly blotted her copy book with them by not being in (when we've managed to remind her shortly before the appointment) or refusing to go (when we haven't managed to remind her so sge forgets to be out). We have now arranged a carer to take her to dressing change/blood test/ injection appointments. If it's a consultation/meds review one of us needs to be there to provide the correct answers to any questions like "do you smoke/drink/take any meds/fall" and remember any information/advice imparted (which will be ignored anyway).

Where I live and where my remotely aunt lives there are local volunteer run transport services. They take people to the hospital, wait with them, then take them home. You only pay a few pence per mile. My aunt and her most regular driver are good friends now! He really looks out for her and makes sure she's okay.

yes to this and also - spell out in £££ how much the time off work costs YOU to take her

I’ve said that won’t happen as I’ll muddle through

Op, what this means is that you will do all the appointments until you crumble/ have to leave work/ get ill yourself whatever.
It sounds like, while some appointments may need to be accompanied, some she could manage by taxi. For those latter ones, you need to drop the rope, and let her either pay for a taxi, or a care service. My experience is with my own dad and my MIL, both of whom developed very selfish / self centred views as they aged.Its not uncommon, but it’s hard to navigate without defining firm boundaries.
Taxis where possible wears very much one of mine.

@CrazyHorse have you sat your mum down and said that to stay at home independently for as long as possible she has to start accepting help. That you and your siblings will do what you can but she needs a bigger support network to stay well (by attending appointments)

If you live rurally, there is likely to be a 'friends of' organisation in your village / area. We have a group of volunteers who will take and accompany people to hospital visits. Get on your local FB page, Nextdoor etc and ask if there's one in your area. Check your Parish magazine and church noticeboard too.

We were finding it difficult to cover all MIL appointments and she now has a weekly companion care slot with a local agency. The carer has a car so they can go out for trips to places she can't access now she's had to stop driving. The idea is that it will then be relatively easy to add extra sessions for hospital appointments as needed.

It is not cheap but much cheaper than being in a home.

She has fought us every step of the way and there were some really difficult arguments, but we got there eventually. We framed it as putting the support in place early so it will be there when she needs it. We also had to guilt trip her a bit about how much the family is doing and how hard it is for those who are working full time.

The thing is, the demands are only likely to increase as they get older, so it's really important they plan ahead for when they are a bit frailer than they are now. But that is so hard for many to face up to.

One of the local home care providers does escort and transport for medical appointments, I've never used it but I've seen it listed as a service on the side of their vehicles. I've just looked in my local area and there are a few care agencies that offer the service although in some cases you have to dig a bit on their websites to find it.

MIL couldn't use the bus, didn't want the cost of a taxi, didn't want to book community transport and didn't want the inconvenience of patient transport. Some choices are tough but this was hers to make, her preferred option was family but I wouldn't do it as I couldn't take half a day off from looking after my mother (my choice). I found her the phone numbers for all of them and left her to get on with it (she chose patient transport).

Everyone employed now has the right to a week's carers' leave per year. But it is unpaid.

Could be worth looking into? It is unpaid at my work (some employers do an enhanced policy) but can be taken in hours which makes it more flexible.

The community transport service DM uses always wait whilst the appointment is taking place, so I assume they would help with walking someone to the actual department if necessary.

OP, please be aware that hospital transport will not personally escort or look after your mum. It does what it says on the tin. Also, they naturally work to a schedule, so for example 8am pick up and 6pm drop off. If your mum's appointment is midday for example then that's a very long day and a lot of waiting around on her own and without any help. Can you find a taxi service in your area that specialises in hospital visits. Alternatively could you, or you mum, pay for a carer/driver just to deal with hospital appointments? I've been in your position and I know how hard it is.

My parents and IL's always used taxis. If you can find a good local one, they are a godsend. They get to know you, and are very attentive. Both sets of parents had two or three drivers they got to know very well as they were regular users.

Is she getting attendance allowance? This is the sort of thing it should be used for. Have a look (word of mouth/Facebook) for people that are private carers/support workers and see if one of them can help mum going forwards. You'll pay an hourly rate but they will take mum to the hospital and into the appointment etc.

Obviously request proof of a recent dbs, insurance and care training, and ask if you can speak to a current client/clients family etc.

You could use a company like helping hands or home instead, I think' they are both nationwide, the hourly rate will be much higher but are registered companies etc.

Just out of interest I googled NHS Fife patient transport and there are still options. One is to claim expenses in certain cases. The Scottish ambulance service can also assist. It mentions talking to your GP. It is definitely not as clear cut as when my mum used it but it sounds like whoever told you it doesn't exist didn't understand the possibilities

If you don't drive, taxi is the only solution.
Tell dmum you are booking it for her.

I’m in Fife and have been told there’s no such thing as hospital transport any more. I’ve to get to the Vic hospital three times a week after my surgery and I’m not allowed to drive myself. I can’t afford a taxi for a 40 mile round trip. So, no surgery for me.

No experience other than having seen a car locally but Driving MissDaisy provides this service: driving and accompanying the patient.
drivingmissdaisy.co.uk/

@CrazyHorse what's the reason for her refusal to take a taxi? Although, from what you say, she wouldn't be able to navigate from front entrance to clinic, so not really an option anyway.

Have you looked to see whether there is any sort of community transport in the area?

DM uses local community transport, cheaper than taxi and she likes all the drivers, used to driving elderly to appointments

Just in case anyone hasn’t investigated this- I take DM to appointments, and am very lucky that my work has a carers policy and allows me the time to do this (I still get paid for those few hours).

worth the ask for anyone not sure on employment terms